ungrateful

The landscape was barren and dry.The sun beating down on every inch of the horizon, making it difficult to see much. The atmosphere was still except for the bus with its few passengers.

Through shaded glasses he looked around him at the familiar surroundings. It had been decades but he now remembered it all. He was overwhelmed with childhood memories of trees, bright blue skies and simplicity. The more his enthusiasm grew, the more the guilt deepened. He was on his way to his village, home and his father’s funeral.

He was working late the previous night when he got a call. It was his father neighbor informing him in a blunt matter-of-fact voice that his father was dead, after which he hung up.He just sat there, not a tear or a sound, no reaction at all.
How am I supposed to react? My father is gone, but who is my father? Do I even know him? Or what he looks like? I haven’t seen him in 20 years, so how do I react?

Without a thought 20 years ago, he left his village and never came back. It didn’t hurt him to think about his mother's face when she realized he wasn't coming back or the disappointment in his father’s eyes. Or how they would support themselves, after all hadn’t they spent all they had on his education? The same education that enabled him to walk away from them, never looking back. He was their only child, but that didn’t matter at the time. Even though he had a great job he realized now that unmarried at 40, he was a lonely, cynical man.

He had cared about himself with the exclusion of all else. Looking back now he remembered all the times his secretary had informed him that a man had called looking for him. But he'd pretended he didn’t know anyone by the name she'd given him. It never struck him that there wasn’t a phone close to his house and his father probably walked a long way each time, to a pay phone. But now he thought about it and for the very first time he was ashamed.He would perform his last duties on his father and support his mother hereafter. Maybe then he could redeem himself of all this guilt.


The driver announced his stop and he got off the bus. He began walking through the streets towards his home. The village was quiet, which was a sign of respect to the widow of the deceased senior man. After all it was less than 12 hours ago that he got that phone call.He could now see his home and not much had changed. There were a few people on the verandah offering condolences no doubt. One of them saw him approaching and came ahead to meet him. It was the old neighbor who had called him the previous night.

“Why have you come? You are not needed here.”

"I’m here for my responsibilities” he retorted defensively and continued walking.

The old man laughed sardonically “son, you’re responsibilities? Where were your responsibilities when you’re father couldn’t afford his heart condition medicines? The same heart condition that killed him yesterday”
He was speechless. Maybe that’s why his father had called so much, to inform him or maybe to ask for help? He couldn’t think about that. Not now, not when his father was now gone.

He realized the old man knew exactly what he was thinking by the bitter look in his eyes. Why had he come now? What could he do now?

He looked towards his house and saw his mother standing at the doorstep. She looked at him as if he were a stranger to her. Almost as if she didn’t recognize him, but somehow he knew that she did.

“My fathers body…..?” he stammered.
“.. is gone. The last rights were performed by me. There was no-one else you see.” The sarcasm couldn’t have been missed. He flinched at these words as if he had just been administered a blow in the face. The old man then turned around and walked away.
He looked at his house, looking for his mother. She was still standing there. Her gaze met his and held and so much was said in those few seconds. She seemed frail, old and empty. He could do nothing for her now. She turned away and shut the door firmly behind her. When she needed him, he didn’t bother. She never wanted anything from him, just needed him to be there. He understood it now , he knew exactly how she felt. Because now he needed her more than ever and it was too late.
He suddenly felt very impatient to get away from here. There was nobody around and he briskly walked to the bus stop. Needed desperately to be in a place which was secure .

He needed to go home you see, but where was home?