Alone in Paris part one (title pending)

“Mom, I’m going to miss you so much!”

“I know. I’m going to miss you, too, but we can talk on the phone just like this.” I smiled. “And, you know, think of all the beautiful things you’ll see in Paris!”

“Yeah, but I don’t know if I want to leave home for a year!”

“Well, if you don’t like it, I’ll pay for your way back home.” My mom always wanted me to be happy. I would miss her, but I would be glad to see the sights.

“Okay, Mom, but I have to go. I need to call Andrew.”

“Alright. I love you.”

“I love you, too!” I hung up and dialed the number that seemed to be programmed into my fingers.

“Jenna. Hey.”

“Hi. You know, I’m leaving for Paris in week, right?”

“Yeah, baby. We need to do something before you go.”

“That’s the reason I’m calling.”

“So, what do you wanna do?” he asked.

“Uh, I’m not sure. I was kind of hoping to go out to eat. Let’s go somewhere romantic!”

“Well, how about bowling, and we’ll get food there?”

The joy faded from my voice, but, as usual, Andy didn’t notice. “Well, I guess that’s okay, too. How about Thursday?”

“Cool. Is it okay if I bring Tony along?”

There was something about Andrew that made me unable to say no to his stupid request. “Sure.”

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The bowling turned out to be Andrew and his brother, Tony, drinking and watching me bowl. So much for quality time.

“Well, Andy, I got to go, but I’ll call you later!”

“Okay, he said, slinking further down in his chair. “See ya.” I kissed him and left. I blasted girl-power music all the way home. It wasn’t that I didn’t have a good time. Andy and Tony were always fun to be around, but I wanted to spend alone time with Andrew before I left, and rightfully so, right? Well, I know I wasn’t the only one who figured that was the best idea, because of what happened when Andy invited Tony to our date.

“Are you sure you want me to come along? Won’t I just be in the way?”

“No, of course not!” Andy was quick to say without consulting me.

“Okay. I guess I’m not busy. I mean, am I ever really busy?” He smiled his famous smile and wiped his blue hands on his smock. Just let me go wash my hands and cover this piece I’ve been working on.”

Anyway, when I got home, I finished packing all of the things I thought I couldn’t live without for a year. I was subconsciously planning not to stay that long, but I wasn’t sure if I’d change my mind. I was always one to plan ahead. The last thing I stacked on top of my stuff before I closed my suitcase was a small, silver stone my friend gave me for my birthday one year, the year my father left. There was an angel on it, and it read on the back “harmony”. That was what I had needed at the time, but that wasn’t the only time I held the cold stone between my fingers.

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Well, once I had all my things packed, I carried my four suitcases and my pink, paisley duffel bag down the stairs one at a time until they were piled for Mom on the front stoop outside. She, of course, without a whine, carried my bags down the sidewalk and stacked them in the back of her SUV. We were planning on having a movie marathon that night, going swimming at the local pool the next day, and just hanging out, maybe with Andrew, the day and night before I left.

After Mom came back inside, she asked the question I was just pondering. “What movies do you want to watch during our marathon?”

“I’m not sure. I was thinking Rugrats in Paris, Le Ballon Rouge, from 1956, and Moulin Rogue, but I guess it’s really up to you in the end.”

“Oh that’s fine. I think it’ll be fun!” She smiled larger than I had seen since I told her I wanted to study art in France. “Plus, I was thinking, we can write down a couple places we see in the movies, even if we don’t know what they’re called, we can just write descriptions, and you can call me if you see one and you’re able. Or you could find out lots of cultural things about the place and report to me what you find out.”

“Yeah! You’ve got the best ideas.” I still couldn’t swat away my feelings. They were encircling me like a drunken fly. “But, I can’t help but think, what if I find someone…” my voice trailed.

“What? What if you find someone, what?”

“Someone I like better than Andy, or worse yet, that he finds someone better than me.”

“That’s not going to happen, at least, not the latter. I don’t know if you’ll find someone better than Andy. I honestly don’t know if there is someone better for you, but no man could ask for someone better than you.”

I hugged her.

“I can’t say that he won’t find someone more available than you, because-” She just stopped.

“It’s okay. You can say anything you feel, Mom. You can’t offend me.”

“Well, look and Andrew. I don’t think he has this loyability factor that we have.”

I giggled. “Loyability? What?”

“I made that up. I don’t know if he can be loyal to you like you have been all your life, like I have always been.”

“I know. That’s why I’m scared.”

“Well, baby, if he can’t see what I see, he’s not worth our time.”

I had to lighten the mood again. “Our time?” I laughed.

“Yes. Our time. If he’s part of your life, he’s part of mine.” She was right.

“You’re right.” She grinned a knowing smile. “So, let’s go rent some movies.”

“Okay. I’m driving.”

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The next morning I woke up on the floor with my head resting on my mother’s feet. Mom was sitting upright on the couch with her head tilted to the side and her mouth open, breathing softly. I stood up and gingerly tilted my mother’s head upright to try to prevent neck pains, if I could. Even with as gingerly as I had done this, Mom still woke up.

“Hey-oh!” Mom winced and grabbed her neck. “Oh, I slept on that all wrong!”

“I tried to fix it, but I was too late.” I laughed. She started to laugh with me. Well, we don’t have to go swimming or out to eat till you feel better.”

“Well, we could just go ahead and have Andrew over today and tomorrow.” Mom was really trying to make everything easy for me.

“That’s cool. I’ll call him.”

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“Yeah. Well, can’t you come today and tomorrow?-Okay.-Alright.-See you when you get here.-I love you, too!”

“So?” Mommy asked when I hung up.

“Well, he’ll be here in 10.”

“He lives 20 minutes away. Where is he?”

“Where do you think?”

“At Tony’s?”

“Bingo. Anyway, he’ll be here soon.”

“Alright. I’ll go make some cookies.”

Always thinking of me… that’s Mom. “Thank you, Mommy.” She smiled that knowing smile again and walked out of the room.

At 10:30, the doorbell rang. I opened the door. “Hey baby!” Andrew came in the door and pinched me. I really wished he wouldn’t do that in front of Mom.

“Hey. Sorry about being a tag-along again.” I was shocked. Tony walked in just after Andy.

“Tony? What’re you doing here?”

“Andrew wouldn’t let me stay at home. He said I needed to get my head out of the painting I was doing. To be honest, I was starting to feel like I was in a gondola in Venice.”

This was too much for me to bear. Why had he brought Tony again? “Andy, I need to talk to you for a sec.”

“Okay. Tony, can you go sit on the couch?”

“Yeah. You guys just let me know when you’re done talking.” He scratched his bearded face with his manly, close-cropped fingernails. One couldn’t help but find him charming.

“What is it, punkin?” Andrew kissed my forehead.

“Are you clueless?” I demanded angrily, but I was whispering. “I’m leaving in two days! Why do you keep bringing Tony to all of our things.”

“Things? When did we start calling our dates things?”

“Stop changing the subject. You know I like your brother, but why does he have to be with you every second of every day?”

“I just-” He sighed. “I just feel like I should spend more time with him after what just happened. He needs me.”

“I know. I know he needs someone, but so do I. I need you. We need each other. Has it not dawned on you that I will not see you anymore after I leave in two days for a whole year?”

“Yeah, but, I just-” His shoulders drooped. “I guess I have no excuse. I won’t bring him tomorrow.”

And he didn’t. We spent most of the day on the couch together watching movies, and talking. It was the most we’d talked in quite a while. I enjoyed myself so much, but, of course, a couple of times, the subject of Tony found its way into our conversations. “How do you think Tony Is doing?”

“Well, Andy, I think Tony is doing just fine. He’s probably painting a lovely sailboat or a jar of Prego as we speak.”

“Yeah, but do you think he’s feeling lonely?”

“Yes. Artists feed off of these feelings. He’s using his loneliness for the betterment of mankind, which is much more than most of us can say, so I think it’ll all be alright in the morning.”

“You’re right.” But he didn’t stop there. “But does he want to be lonely?” As if I should know.

“Of course not. No one wants negative feelings, but you can’t just forget about your feelings. You have to address them, and I think your brother is wise enough to do that on his own. The grieving process is over, and now he wants to paint out the rest of the blackness.”

“Thanks. I needed to hear that.” A gentle kiss brushed my lips, and all I could think was how I’d earned that one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you sure you have everything? Your stationery? Your favorite hairbrush? Your teddy bear? Plenty of underwear? Lots of belts? Your-”

“Okay! Mom, I got everything. Calm down. Breathe.” Goodness, that’s the 18th time you’ve asked about everything.”

“Sorry, but I can’t help it! What if you forget something?”

“Then, I'll buy another one when I get there.”

“I guess you’re right.” She still had things to say. I needed to board the plane, but she wasn’t letting me go until she was ready. “If you need money,” she said cupping her hands around my arms and gluing her eyes to mine, “just call me. I’ll wire what I can as soon as I can.”

“I love you, Mom.”

“I love you, too!” Mom kissed my forehead and sent me on my way.

Being on the plane was really strange. I was alone for the first time in a month, I mean, truly alone. It was strange just eating peanuts, listening to my favorite songs, and knowing where I was headed. I was headed to do independent studies in a country I had barely learned about while taking French class. How would I communicate with people who didn’t even speak my language?

Suddenly, someone busted my thought bubble. “Can I sit here?” It was a teenage girl with too much makeup on.

“I don’t see why not,” I said, really wishing I could learn to be assertive without feeling mean. “Did your parents make you mad?” I asked, pulling my ear buds out.

She just opened up her teen magazine and rolled her eyes.
“You know, I didn’t have to let you sit here!” There it went. My heart felt cold as ice.

She rolled her eyes again.

I moved back into position with my iPod turned back on. Eventually, she went to the bathroom and never came back to sit next to me. Guess she found some other helpless, unsuspecting stranger to plop down next to. I was just glad I didn’t have to try to pretend I didn’t notice her anymore.

Eventually, we landed, and the driver I had arranged to pick me up was waiting for me. “Hi, I’m Jenna!” I shook his hand. With one swift “up” motion and one swift “down” motion, he pulled his strong hand away.

“How very lovely! My name is Jean-Paul.” His white hair glistened in the beam of sunlight that shined through the windows above.

“So, I’m really glad you speak English, because I was paranoid about not knowing what to say. All I really studied about before coming was currency!”

“Oh, okay. It is fine. You’ll be fine, that is. You will be staying in a hotel run by an American family in a town where mostly American tourists stay.”

“Oh, that’s a relief!” I said with a giggle. His accent was funny to me. When he said “tourists”, I almost lost it. “How long will it take by cab?”

“Well, if traffic is not so bad, it will be an hour and a half.” How he said “half” was funny, too. It sounded more like “eff”.

“Alright. Thank you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Well, honey, this is your stop.”

“Thanks so much.”

“As your cab driver, this is my job.”

“Goodbye!” I said, opening the door to the cab.

“Farewell, my lady.” I got my things out of the trunk, all seven bags, one at a time, and took one to the door of the tall, stone building, waving another farewell to Jean-Paul. He drove away, leaving my six other bags lying, rather lonely-looking, behind. I set the suitcase I had carried to the door down and went back for the second, and the third, and so-on.

Eventually, all my bags were on the front stoop with me, and I was rather tired. I decided to wipe the sweat, and as much of the exhaustion as I could, off of my face before I rang the doorbell. When I felt confident that I didn’t look like I had just been working out, I rang.

A short, plump woman with rosy cheeks and a bun on her head greeted me. “Hello, dear! I’m Rena, the owner of Bella Inn.” She had no accent. Not one that was noticeable to me. “I see you’ve met my husband, Jean-Paul.” She was motioning behind me. I felt like such an idiot! He was probably standing right behind me the whole time I was preparing to ring the doorbell.

“I would’ve helped you with those bags if you would’ve given me a chance to park first!” he said with a chuckle.

“Oh, I-” I realized I didn’t know what to say. “Well, it was no trouble.”

“No trouble?” he said, grunting, as he picked up one suitcase with each hand. “You know, you can buy bricks in France, right?”

I laughed and stepped out of his way. “Yes, but most of my bricks have special meaning. I couldn’t leave them behind!” It was a dumb joke, but it was the best I could think of.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finally, with lots of help from Jean-Paul, all my things were in my room, number two, and I was sitting on my bed-for-a-year, and Jean-Paul was sitting on the chair across the room.

Rena had gone back down to begin dinner, which was to be served at precisely 6:15, so I thought this was the best time to ask Jean-Paul about the family. “Jean-Paul?”

“Please, my lady, call me JP. Jean-Paul is so exhausting!”

I almost ignored him, but I made a mental note of his request. “I thought you said the inn was run by an American family.”

“It is. An American family and the mom’s new husband, the cab driver!” He laughed. I did too, on the outside.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you were part of this ‘American family’?”

“Did not seem important.” He paused for a moment as though justifying himself to his own. “Well, it is six now. I’m going to dress for dinner.” I still had some things to figure out. Did Rena’s children work here? How old are they? Who are the other guests? Are there other guests?

I figured I had a whole year to figure out most of that stuff. “I think, if it’s okay, I will opt out of dinner tonight. I’m not very hungry, and I’m tired. Plus, I need to unpack.”

“That Is fine, my lady.” I noticed he said “my lady” a lot. It was a cultural thing, I guessed.

“Thanks again for everything.”

“It was my pleasure!” He smiled and left my room, and for a moment, it was completely silent. I enjoyed that silence. But soon, the silence became too much. It made me think. How was Mom doing? Should I call her? What time was it in America right then? Would Mom even be awake? Why wasn’t I wondering about Andrew? Why was I thinking about Tony? Cute, cute Tony. There it was again. I needed to call Andy, no matter what.

“Hello?” He was sleeping. I could hear it. “Who is this?”

“It’s me, baby. I’m in Paris!”

“Congratulations. I’ll talk to you in the morning, dear. Goodnight.” Dial tone.

I sighed. Mom was always glad to talk to me. “Hello?” She had been asleep too.

“Hey, Mom. I’m here!”

“Oh, that’s great news! I’m so glad to talk to you! Oh, goodness, I miss your liveliness! Where are you right now?”

“I’m at the inn. It’s dinnertime,” I said noticing 15 after.

“Do you need me to let you go?”

“Oh, no. I told them I’m not hungry.”

“Told who? You should eat, you know.”

“I know. I’m just not that hungry.” I didn’t want to tell her I was feeling kind of sick. She would worry too much. “Plus, I need a shower and to get settled in. Tomorrow is my only day off, and then I go looking for some type of studies.”

“Alright, well call me if you need anything.”

“Okay. I will.”

“One last thing. Did you remember to bring ‘lady things’?”

“‘Lady things’?” I asked with confusion. “Oh! Yes. Of course! I’ve gotta go. My things won’t unpack themselves, you know!”

“Alright, bye!”

“I love you, bye.” I hung up quickly and hopped off the big, soft bed. I turned around the chair JP had been sitting in to face me and looked in the mirror with horror. There wasn’t any way, was there? I had forgotten “lady things”, but that wasn’t the worst of my problems. I hadn’t needed “lady things” for longer than I was comfortable admitting. I hadn’t even noticed. Boy, was I ever dumb! Tomorrow, I would go get some lady things of a different kind, and pray not to see results.

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A knock at my door. “Lunch is about ready.” I didn’t answer her. “Are you alright, dear? You seemed fidgety at breakfast, and you’ve been in this room ever since!”

“I’m fine, Rena. Just a little headache, that’s all.”

“Okay, but I want you to come down and eat lunch. You don’t get a choice. It’s unnatural, your eating habits!”

“Okay, I’ll be down in a minute!”

“Okay, hon. Just checking!”

There I was on foreign soil, my worst fears just confirmed over a French-English dictionary and a cup of coffee, and all she was worried about was whether or not I was going to come eat a meal with her and her husband and her only son, Jack, who happened to be a dog! I might as well never eat again! Andrew would not make a good father, and if I was being honest with myself, I didn’t even love him. Heck, I was starting not to like him! What in the world could I do?

I knew Mom would be there for me no matter what, where, how, but I still didn’t want to tell her. I mean, she would be so disappointed, whether or not she let it show. And, oh my gosh, Andy! How would I tell Andrew that he was to be a father.

I put on a sweater to cover the coffee stain on my white blouse and headed down the hardwood stairs to eat a restless lunch. There were no other guests, just me and Rena and JP at the table. How fun! Knowing JP and his insightfulness, he already knew. He knew before I did, I was sure of it! Of course, I was just being silly. No one’s psychic here. I decided, on my trip down the stairs that I would call Jessica when I got done with lunch.

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“So, what is eating you, our lovely guest?”

“Well, JP, I’m still not feeling particularly well, and I need to call a friend.”

“Honey,” he said, turning to Rena. “can’t she just go upstairs? Why do we have to make her eat when she doesn’t feel good?”

“I don’t care, I just thought she was tired. If she’s sick then she’s free to go.” I could tell she still wasn’t pleased. I must not have been as cheery as some of their other guests.

“Thank you sir and ma’am. I’ll come down for dinner, I promise.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hello?”

“Jess! Hey! It’s me, Jenna! I’m in Paris.”

“Hey! Oh my gosh! I knew you were leaving for the city of love, but I didn’t know when! So how’re the sights?”

“I wouldn’t really know. I-” I searched down deep and found the bravery to tell the story I so badly needed to tell. “I arrived yesterday, and I met some interesting people. Finally, I was alone, and I didn’t feel like interrupting the silence I‘d found, so I opted out of dinner at this huge bed and breakfast I’m staying in. Like, this building is two stories, but it only has five rooms. Crazy, right?”

“Yeah, pretty crazy. Is this story going somewhere?” She always teased me about rambling, but she had no idea this time.

“Yeah, it’s going somewhere. Anyway, so I called Andrew, and-”

“Ugh! Andrew? What did he say, ‘I don’t care’?”

“No. Will you let me finish? He said, ‘Congratulations call me tomorrow.’”

“How classy.”

“I know, right. Well, then I called Mom, and she was so glad to talk to me. I told her my plans for the next couple of days and she-” I hesitated for a long time.

“She what?”

“She asked if I-” There it was again. I couldn’t get the words out. There was a basketball wedged in my throat. I could not talk.

“If you what? Were on drugs, cuz that’s what I’m beginning to think.”

“No, she reminded me to get ‘lady things’.”

“Lady things?” She was confused. “Oh! Right! Lady things. So.”

“Well, it made me realize that I hadn’t used any lady things in longer than it should’ve been.”

“What? You mean-” I could see her in my mind’s eye. Her eyes were about as wide as two watermelons, and her hand that wasn’t holding the phone (probably her right) was over her mouth.

“I bought a test this morning after breakfast and I got out my French-English dictionary and went into the bathroom with a cup of coffee, and well, I’m-”

“You’re pregnant?”

“Yeah.”

“So, have you told Andrew, your mom, anyone?”

“Just you. You’re the only person I could tell. You’re the only person that’s made me pretty sure over the years that they wouldn’t scream.”

“Yeah, I see. So, what’re you gonna do?”

“I don’t know. I’m thinking about adoption, because I don’t want a baby. Not now, not ever, but-”

“How long will you be in Paris?”

“For a year. Why?” She was thinking dangerously.

“How would you like to never have to tell your mom or Andrew?”

“And what, go home with a baby and be like ‘Surprise! This is yours, Andy!’”

“No, and give the baby up while you were in Paris and forget all about this before you get home.”

“I never even thought of that.”

“I know, I’m a genius!”