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Let's talk about "Skin Hunger" |
 This morning for the second time in a row, I noticed one of my students just sitting and staring at me. She wasn't doing any work either for the second day in a row. She came up to my desk yesterday, after class, and told me that she wasn't feeling well and asked if she could call home so someone could come and get her. I expressed my sincere concerns for her health and well being and allowed her to follow through. Today when I asked her how things went on the previous day, she told me that on one came for her.How can this be when she has two living parents, a grandmother, aunts and uncles who live in town? This slim, attractive, tenth grader seems to have the world on her shoulders and she is not alone. So many of my students are struggling with parents who are addicted to various drugs and/or who are in prison. Some are struggling with sexual abuse by members of their own families. These young students have these unspeakable problems to cope with in addition to holding down after school jobs, extracurricular activities, (some grapple with their own addiction problems as well), the school gossip and rumor mill, and violence and an increasing level of hostility from teachers. (Yes, me too)  The two cases of sexual abuse that I suspected, I did report to the proper authorites as well as any other problems of which I felt that administrators should be aware.Although I know that her grandmother is very kind caring and concerned about her, I don't think that she gets a lot of warmth, hugs, and positive reinforcement. Parents of that time and generation just didn't believe that it took all of that. It was the one thing that I missed and yearned for the most and I still do today. Lack of nonsexual love and attention led to my one dibilitating condition. (See Addict) I knew from experience though that this child needed nurturing - of the nonsexual persuation. She felt lonely and vunerable which makes her a prime target for predators. I talked to her for a few minutes regarding some of my "not so private" hard upbringing. People, when it comes to achieving a degree from the "School of HardKnocks", I graduated Summa Cum Laude.  or should that be  No, wait maybe  Oh well, forget it! You know, I could either laugh or cry about it and given a choice, I'd rather laugh. It keeps me sane. ( I think) Anyway, back to the subject, we are dropping the ball when we underestimate the importance of giving positive feedback to our kids in the form of nonsexual hugs and pats. I am not saying that this is a "cure all" for every problem and situation, but it can serve as a preventative measure for some of the social ills suffered by our youth and of course, all of us. Yes, I am included!! My own grown daughter was having problems with anger because she had been violated by a man in authority. Although she was not raped, the unsolited groping still fills her with rage. I noticed that I had not been touching her at all! (God forbid that someone should think that we are acting inappropriately!) So I started hugging her "Good morning" and patting and rubbing her back when I spoke to her. Believe me, I have noted a change. She is still very angry, but it seems as thought the edge has been taken off. I hope so. She said nothing as I spoke to my little lost student. But there were key things that I spoke to her that I know struck home. I hope to God that I helped just a little. After I had written her a pass to class, I walked over and hugged her. Nothing big, just a shoulder to shoulder embrace. She hugged me back as if her life depended on it. It broke my heart. Please, Please hug someone that you love today so that you won't reget it tomorrow. 
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