Crash

          The street resonates with the cacophony of the ambulance truck, voices of perverse curiosity (“What happened?”) and wounded gasps. Surely, I should be pestered by the lack of consideration around me, but nothing can penetrate my numbness; the fragrance of summer dew that her brunet locks used to carry is now obscured, and the pungent stench of blood has replaced it. I try to remember, from her half-torn lips, the way she smiled at me that morning.


          Yes, she had been glad to share once again her existence with me. Her eyes glistened in a way that they would never again shine (especially not under the crimson, blue flare of the ambulance truck). We interlocked our stares, making sparks only visible to ourselves and reciting, with glee, those sublime dreams we spoke of often at the break of night. I had taken her to her favorite restaurant and admired her across the table, wondering how beauty and personality could manifest themselves so perfectly to form the person before me. The more I marveled at her, the more incredible did it seem that such a perfect creature should be reciprocating these very feelings. Yet, her vibrant smile and mesmerizing eyes disbanded my reflexive insecurities; even I couldn’t deny that she loved me.


          Our union appeared so strong then; nothing could obstruct our determination to fulfill the destinies we had agreed to. As if that was enough! It has taken me until now, when I can see the organs of my beloved smeared on the ground, to realize that love is only as strong as flesh.


          I barely feel the tug at my shoulder blade. The eyes of a burly man, dressed in a paramedic’s suit, lock on mine, instantly I detect his sincere understanding, the compassion he means to transmit through his gaze, and silent invitation for assistance that speaks more distinctly than the words he mouths against my numbness. I care not for his sympathy. Neither am I interested in hearing the ungainly, inebriated bellows of her murder. His apologies are as worthless as the jail time he will serve; he shouldn’t have missed me.


          By the end of the night, I was so infatuated with quixotic thoughts that, I didn’t hear him until the embrace of her hand and mine was violently shattered, never to form itself again under out beating fingers. The worst part came when her figure jerked loosely in the air, like a rag doll, crashing heavily against the grating asphalt. Yet, no tears and not any other emotion but surprise infiltrated my being.


          Now, with coagulating blood encrusting itself at the side her shattered neck, the damp created is breeched; the reality of the situation becomes atrociously blatant; vast seas mar down my face; all the sounds, smells and visions are just too horrendous! How can I contain this agony inside of me without bursting upon this asphalt next to her? 


          These tears, they do her no justice. Her life will not return to her shell even for a lifetime of my pain. Our dreams… they are gone!  Misery… Misery, please fade me to black and let me feel no more.