A Post Office

                                                                               ( Two women enter a post-office. One                                       woman MARION is dressed in a middle eastern style head dress, the other          HELEN is just wearing an ugly blouse and skirt. They are both Caucasian,          around 40. There is a small line of people leading to the service counter. At          the counter a lone woman is working. HELEN and MARION talk as they wait           in line. )

         HELEN
(entering ) no, Marion, he’s not getting any better.

         MARION
well, you said you had tried all the regular things

         HELEN
yes, I have. I have tried threatening, I’ve hit him, I cut his brakes. I wouldn’t let him get any nourishment from his food for 2 weeks; While he would sleep I would take a bunch of straws attached to a vacuum and stick it down his throat, then suck up all his food.

         MARION
and it hasn’t helped?

         HELEN
no. he’s still just as bad as the day he was born.

         MARION
well.

         HELEN
I know
         
         MARION
how about young Borton?

         
         HELEN
Borton?

         MARION
Borton.


         HELEN
I don’t have a Borton, nor do I know a Borton

         MARION
I could just swear by my stars you had a Borton

         HELEN
I don’t have a Borton

         MARION
it must have been Delilah who has Borton.
         
         HELEN
trust me, Delilah and I have book club together, and she does not have a son Named Borton.

         MARION
are you positive Helen?          
         
         HELEN
yes, Marion, I’m positive Delilah does not have a son Borton.

         MARION
well, how strange.

         HELEN
what a poor child to be named Borton.

         MARION
wait... I think I remember (dazed in thought)

         
         HELEN
really, how awful of his parents. That poor choice of name must reflect other larger flaws in their parenting ability. I’ll bet anyone who names their child Borton is alcoh-

         MARION
( remembers, out of daze)oh yes, Borton is my child. ( hold a hand up to her chest in classic ‘oh my goodness’ fashion) He he, how silly of me to forget something like that.

         HELEN
... yes, how silly of you. Oh, look, the line has moved.

         MARION
so it has. So, your son? Is he any better. You say you’ve tried all the regular things.

         HELEN
yes, well, I’ve tried insulting him,  poisioning his food, bribing him, switching his wool blankets with fleece

         MARION
oh, isn’t he allergic to fleece?

         HELEN
exactly. I also made him shovel all of our walks      in the snow.

         MARION
and he’s not getting any better?

         HELEN
no, I’d even say he’s getting worse, bless his heart.


         MARION
well. So ...

         HELEN
well, so I’m going to buy him some medication. I hope it will finally do something. All he’s done so far is just complain about freezing, and say his throat hurts, and his skin is raw and rash-y, and that he hasn’t had a decent BM in a month. All he does is whine. If he just tried to focus his energies on getting better, like I have, instead of whining, I think he’d be showing a more drastic improvement. Or any improvement. I have spent all my energies trying to get him better, and all he can do is–

                   ( HELEN is interrupted by the Lady at the counter, BRIAR ROSE. She is
         an average looking 30 year old with long bleached-blond hair that has grown          out dark. She is wearing a Postal service uniform. )


         BRIAR ROSE
hello, may I help you.

         HELEN
hello.

         BRIAR ROSE
may I help you

         HELEN
hello.

         MARION
Helen, did you bring the prescription slip with you?

         HELEN
I don’t know ( to BRIAR ROSE) I’m sorry, excuse me for a moment. (She digs in her purse. )

         MARION
(awkwardly) hello. Did you hear that the quilting festival is in town?

         BRIAR ROSE
I hadn’t heard that


         MARION
yes. Well it is, it is at the Michael’s Centre from the 19 to the 26.

         BRIAR ROSE
really? I think I heard that.

         MARION
you said just now that... you heard

         BRIAR ROSE
well, I thought I hadn’t, then I remembered I had.

         MARION
oh, I see

         BRIAR ROSE
hello, may I help you?

         MARION
( confused) well Helen is trying to find her prescription slip in her purse. The doctor gave it to her, I’m sure. She just can’t find it.

         BRIAR ROSE
oh... Oh, did you hear that the quilting festival is visiting our little town this month?

         MARION
yes, I just told you that...

         BRIAR ROSE
yep, the 19 through the 26.

         MARION
I know... I told you just now.

         BRIAR ROSE
oh, may I help you?

         MARION
(to HELEN) did you find it yet?
         
         HELEN
yep. (To BRIAR ROSE) Hello.

         BRIAR ROSE
hello, may I help you.

         HELEN
yes you may. ( puts a slip of paper on the counter) I need this prescription filled

         BRIAR ROSE
Prescription? Um... OH, did you know that the National quilting festival is going to grace our good town with it’s presence this year.

         HELEN
no, I did not, when?

         BRIAR ROSE
it’s at the Michael’s Centre,

         HELEN
oh, I did not know that

         MARION
I did, I told her that.

         BRIAR ROSE
yes ma’am, on the 19 through the 26.

         HELEN
Marvelous, could I just get this prescription filled?

         BRIAR ROSE
Prescription?

         HELEN
it’s for my son. He doesn’t seem to be doing any better, try as I might. So I think the only thing left to do is get him this.

         BRIAR ROSE
This? What is “this”

         HELEN
that prescription...

         BRIAR ROSE
prescription? For what?

         HELEN
for my son

         BRIAR ROSE
your son is getting a prescription? When?

         HELEN
no, I am getting my son’s prescription filled. Now. Here.

         BRIAR ROSE
Here? The National Quilting festival is now here from the 19 to the 26. At the Michael’s Centre. Did you know?

         HELEN
yes, I did, you just told me that

         MARION
I told her that.
         
         BRIAR ROSE
told you what? May I help you.

         HELEN
yes (looking for a name tag. Seeing one) Briar Rose, you may.  I am Helen, this is Marion. And my son is very sick. I uh, have been trying to get him to become stronger so that he can get over it, but he is too weak. I have tried all sorts of things to make him stronger. Right Marion, they were good things too

         MARION
yeah, they were good ones.

         HELEN
I know. For instance, I made him stay awake for one week straight, I locked him in the garage with the car on, so he would have to find a way out- make him stronger. I shot at him with his 12-gauge - -  in our yard, of course - - and he still hasn’t realized he needs to do anything. He’s just getting worse.

         BRIAR ROSE.
I’m sorry about all that... I need to get a prescription filled. ( Puts the prescription slip on the counter again) my son is sick. And I can’t get him better.

         HELEN
excuse me?

         BRIAR ROSE.
Hello, may I help you?
         
         HELEN
are you alright?

         BRIAR ROSE
oh, sure, my son, however, is sick.

         MARION
your sick.

         BRIAR ROSE
...no, may I help you?

         HELEN
can I help you? Can I talk to-

         BRIAR ROSE
you can! You can help me find the Michael’s Centre by the 19th. The national quilting festival is coming.

         MARION
( to HELEN) um, Helen, maybe we should leave. Either she-

         
         HELEN
no, Marion, I need to get this prescription. For my son, for Borton.

         MARION
yes for... Borton is my son

         HELEN
whoever he is. (To BRIAR ROSE) excuse me, Briar Rose? Is there another pharmacist here?

         BRIAR ROSE
pharmacist? This is a post office?

         HELEN
(To MARION) a post office? I think I would- (interrupted)

         MARION
that’s ridiculous, a post office. Why would we- (interrupted)

         HELEN
why would I get my prescription filled at a Post office, that’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard. (To BRIAR ROSE) that’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard.

         BRIAR ROSE
I heard about that.

         Enter the MANAGER. In a postal service uniform, with the hat and everything.

         MANAGER
hello there ladies!

         HELEN
why hello

         MARION
hi.

         
         MANAGER
( puts his hand around BRIAR ROSE) Today is bring a retarded relative to work day. This is my niece Briar Rose.          

         BRIAR ROSE
I’m a retarded rose.

         MANAGER
aw, well that’s just what we always say.

         MARION
you let a retarded woman work here

         MANAGER
only for a day. Everybody around  the post office is doing it.

         HELEN
post office?

         MANAGER
what?

         HELEN
why would I come to get my son’s prescription filled at the post office?

         MANAGER
well I don’t-

         MARION
(to HELEN) that’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard.

         HELEN
(to MANAGER) that’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard.

         BRIAR ROSE
I heard about that.

         MANAGER
heard about what honey?

         BRIAR ROSE
I need my son’s prescription filled          

         MANAGER
no, Briar Rose, you’re working today.

         BRIAR ROSE
I’m working today.

         HELEN
this is a post office?

         BRIAR ROSE
hello, may I help you?

         MARION
Helen, I think we should go.

         BRIAR ROSE
Hello, may I help you?

         MANAGER
good, Briar Rose.

         He sprays her face with something out of a small spray container, almost like breath spray.

         BRIAR ROSE
( scratches at her face) ...ah

         HELEN
I need to get my son’s prescription

         MARION
Helen, let’s go.

         HELEN
no, Marion. I won’t go. My son is more important that just feeling a little uncomfortable by some retarded pharmacist. 

         BRIAR ROSE
I’m working today. May I help you?

         HELEN
my son is very sick. ( to MANAGER)  my son is very sick, I really need this. After I put him in our washing machine he has only-

         MANAGER
this is a post office.

         BRIAR ROSE
that’s what I said
         MARION
Helen, this is a post office,  lets leave.

         HELEN
no. ( she sits down Indian style on the ground )

         MARION
Helen

         MANAGER
this is a post office. ( exits )

         BRIAR ROSE
( looks around, motions to Marion to come closer ) there is a national quilting festival  in town this month.

         MARION
... Helen.

         HELEN
my son is sick

         BRIAR ROSE
at the Michael’s Centre.

         MARION
( subdued) your son isn’t sick

         BRIAR ROSE
from the 19 to the 26, this month.

         HELEN
yes!

         MARION
he’s only four.

         HELEN
what about young Borton?

         MARION
Borton?

         HELEN
yes, Borton

         MARION
Borton is my son...

         BRIAR ROSE
hello, may I help you

         HELEN
...oh

         BRIAR ROSE
oh.

         HELEN
well. ( gets up and leaves, MARION follows)

         (The next people in line move up and begin talking with BRIAR ROSE, they          exchange letters. )



         FIN