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by Gwyn
Rated: XGC · Chapter · Comedy · #1288934
Chapter One of "So What If I'm Irreversibly Screwed Up?"
I sat on my sister's canopy bed on the brink of insanity. My older sister, Hope, was attempting to get ready for her big date with the annoying, cocky quarter-back.
“Would you stop it already?' I asked, playing catch by myself with her make-up bag. “I swear if you don't stop I'll hit you so heard you'll have to postpone your date for a month.”
“I don't know why you're here,” she said. “You're no help to me.”
“Might I remind you that I was forced here under the threat of your little pink minions?” I asked, continuing my game. What can I say? I was easily entertained.
“Just hand me my true berry blue eye-shadow and we won't have problems,” she said. Wow, she sounded like a preppy Godfather or something. “And stop throwing my bag around. Do you know how much it costs?”
“More than you make on the corner after a good week,” I said, “Too bad it doesn't cost enough to get enough make-up to cover your screwed-up face. But I wouldn't worry about it. That's what cosmetic surgery is good for.”
“Don't you have a date too?” she asked. “With Jesse?”
I had to crack up laughing. “Jesse?” I asked, “I'm sure he can find nickel whore that'll make him very satisfied without my help.”
I had stopped throwing the bag in the air and had started to find the eye shadow my sister asked for before she strangled me.
I looked at the bag as if it were full of foreign objects. They were practically to me at that point. I had never worn it and had no desire to.
I picked up a funky-looking blue object and then chucked it to her. Well, chucked it at her maybe. I'm glad to say it hit her square in the forehead.
“BABY!” she screamed, gasping her head.
I'd like to take this time to explain my name is not Baby. If it was I'd probably shoot myself. Okay, scratch the probably. I would shoot myself. That's just what my family calls me to piss me off. The joy of being the youngest! (Note the sarcasm.) My name is Dani. Okay, technically it's Danielle, but if you call me that then you should expect to be decapitated (or castrated).
“What?” I asked innocently.
“Get out of my room!” she said, throwing the funky object back at me. Of course she, being the delicate girl she is, missed.
“Cranky much?” I smirked.
“Out!” she screamed. I ran out of her room, laughing all the way. I was about to make my clean break when my oldest sister, Grace, stopped me.
“What's going on?” Grace asked.
“Nothing,” I shrugged as I put on my poker face.
“Then why did I hear screaming from Hope's room?” she asked.
“Maybe she saw a spider, or needs an exorcism. Hell, maybe that quarter-back snuck in her window,” I shrugged as I gave her suggestions.
“Baby,” she said sternly. “How many times have I told you not to harass your sisters?”
“About 1500,” I said thoughtfully. “And if we throw my brothers in there about 1503.”
“You're impossible?” she exclaimed, throwing her dainty hands up in distress.
“Thank you,” I said, wiping away fake tears.
“You're such a pain,” she said angrily before walking away.
“I love ya too, Gracie May,” I said sarcastically. She shot me a look. She hated it when anybody called her that, except maybe her boyfriend. She doesn't matter when he does anything. She's such a doormat.
I grinned at her before running up the stairs. “Baby,” I head my brother, Mike, say.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“Were you flashing the guys at the junkyard last night?” he asked. That's one of his only admirable traits, he's straight-forward.
“What?” I laughed.
“I've got a friend of mine saying he saw you and the guys last night around 11. He said you were acting like something off Girl's Gone Wild,” he said.
“He? Oh no wonder. All you guys love to fantasize that real women act like that in the real world,” I said. “He was probably hallucinating.”
“Nick wouldn't be hallucinating,” he said, shaking his head.
“Never mind,” I said almost wanting to throw up at the thought. He was a Wilson. Wilson = very bad. If you hadn't noticed I have really bad grammar. If you want to read my story you'll have to get over it. “He's a Wilson. All six of them hate us.”
“Nick is only interested in your well being or he'd let you keep looking like a whore,” he said.
“Mikey, I gotta love you, but you're too trusting,” I told him. The humor wore off as I made my way up to my attic bedroom. In its place was anger. That Nick Wilson pissed me off.
I needed to calm down so I decided to call my partner-in-crime, Jesse. He would usually talk me out of doing crazy shit. Well, that or join in with me.
“Hello?” a woman answered his phone. I rolled my eyes. I wasn't surprised.
“Hi,” I said, trying to keep my voice civilized. It wasn't my fault my best friend was unable to keep his clothes on. “Is Jesse there?”
“Oh yeah, hold on a second,” she said. There was serious irritation in her voice. It was very familiar.
“Hello?” Jesse answered.
“Hello,” I said in a mocking tone.
“Hey Dani,” he said. I could hear the familiar voice in the background and it made me sick to my stomach.
The voice was saying, “God, Jess, it's like my sister's obsessed with you or something.” At that point it hit me. Rose, my 18-year-old sister, wasn't home.
“Jesse, what have you done?” I asked as soon as I was able to form words.
“What?” he asked. He had his poker voice on.
“Where's Rose, Jesse?” I asked.
“Dani, don't do this,” he said.
“I'm not doing anything. You're the one doing my older sister, not me,” my voice was as venomous as I could make it.
“Please don't,” he started.
“Well, you sound busy so I won't take up anymore of your damn precious time. I'll talk to you later.” With that I hung up.
My plan didn't work too well. I was now more angry than I had been before. On to plan B.
Let me explain. I have four guys (not like that you sick-o) who I have known since forever. There's obviously Jesse who likes fucking my sisters I guess. He's my best friend who would walk through fire for me, but not keep his pants on. Painful, wouldn't it be? He's supposed to be the whole tall, mysterious, and handsome. Well he's got the whole tall part down (nearly 6'4”) and I guess to some chicks he might be mysterious. To me he's just the big kid I used to wrestle in kindergarten. Once I even made him eat dirt. Aw, good times.
Alright back to my list. Then there's the twins, Evan and Luke. Evan's the quieter blonde one and Evan's the crazy, wild brunette who like making my life hell. Both of them have known me since kindergarten and they're crazy when we're by ourselves.
Then there's Ronnie. He's the best brother I never had. We go way back to when we used to hang out in the sandbox. I even remember when we got into a sand fight and started throwing it at each other until our eyes burned. We've been friends ever since. He's a tight ass and very overly-protective.
“Hello?” Luke answered sounding as if he just woke up. I decided to call the twins because Ronnie can read me like a open book and he'd know something was wrong.
“Dude, it's like nine on Friday night,” I said. “What are you doing sleeping?”
“Higgins moved my seat in history so my sleeping schedule's all jacked up,” he yawned.
“Well I need some advice,” I said.
“Oh dear God,” he groaned,
If he wanted to play that way then two could play that game. “You see Jesse and I were having a debate.”
“You're on speaker,” Evan chimed in.
“Well he says birth-control pills are more effective than condoms, but I disagree. But since we didn't have a condom and birth-control pills take too long we thought we should just ask you,” I said.
There was silence on the other end. I busted out laughing, “I'm only kidding.”
“Thank God,” Evan said.
“I can see your face now,” I chuckled.
“The one with his eyes bulging out of his head and jaw on the floor?” Luke asked.
“That's the look I know so well,” I said. “So in all seriousness what's up?”
“Other than Evan nearly having a heart attack not much,” he told me.
“Yeah?” I asked, not paying attention. My mind kept wondering back to the thought of Jesse and Rose. The mere thought of it was enough to give me nightmares.
“Dani, are you okay?” Evan asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “Why does everyone keep asking me that?”
“Because your voice doesn't sound right,” he said.
“I'm fine,” I insisted, but the lie sounded weak even to me.
“Hold on a second,” Luke said, “We've got a call on the other line.” And with that he clicked over in his normal impatient behavior.
I began to keep a rhythm with my feet as I waited for them. “Back,” Luke said finally as she clicking back over.
“Who was it?” I asked.
“Jesse,” Evan told me.
I let out a involuntary noise in disgust.
“In another fight?” Evan said, “I should have known you two were fighting. It's written all over your voice.”
“We're not in a fight,” I told them. “He's just having sex with Rose. He's a free man and he can do whatever or whoever he wants.”
“None of us have been free men since we met you,” Luke said. I could have sworn I heard him roll his eyes.
“Dani, are you sure you're okay?” Evan asked. I heard Luke let out a “ow” and I knew Evan must have hit him. What loyal friends I have. (That can be taken as sarcasm.)
“Yes,” I lied.
“Dani, don't lie to us,” Evan said sternly.
“I'm not lying,” I insisted.
“Yeah and next thing you know you'll be saying you didn't have sex with Jesse either,” Luke said sarcastically.
“Have you been talking to Wilson?” I asked.
“Which one?” Evan asked.
“Nick,” I said, disgusted at the name.
“NO!” he exclaimed. “Why do you ask?”
I told them about my conversation with Mike. For some reason those assholes found it funny. I hate them sometimes.
“Like you'd have anything to show!” Luke laughed.
“I'm hanging up now,” I threatened.
“We're sorry,” Evan said, trying to regain composure. “Jesse's called a meeting.”
“I'm not going,” I told them.
“Yes, you are. It's at ten at the Old Lot,” Luke said.
“There's no why in hell I'm going besides we haven't been there since we were little fuckers,” I said stubbornly.
“If you don't it just proves you're mad at Jesse,” Luke said. He thinks he can persuade me that easily. Ha!
“I'm not mad at Jesse. I'm just not going so I don't have to deal with pricks like you,” I snapped before hanging up. Yet again I was even more pissed off. I really needed to stop calling people. I might as well have never talked to the guys again. Ha! I don't think that's possible.
So yes, I went to the Old Lot. Why? Because I wasn't done making Jesse squirm.
“Well if it isn't Miss Attendance,” Evan grinned at me.
I shot him a glare. “Well at least you got over yourself,” Luke said.
I shot him a more forceful glare. “You're just full of glares, aren't you?” I heard Ronnie tease.
I didn't glare at him. He's like my older, unrelated brother. I don't think I could be mad at him if I tried.
“What? I don't get a glare? Aw, now I feel left out,” he pouted. I stuck my tongue out at him.
“Nell,” Luke said, “I’m not quite sure what we’re gonna do with you.”
I rolled my eyes. They knew I hated it when they called me Nell. It made me feel like an old cow or something.
“Hey Dani,” I heard Jesse say. For some reason at that moment I just wanted to drop it. I didn’t, of course. He had enough shit on me so I have to turn the tables.
“Let’s leave you two to talk,” Ronnie said. How did he know about Rose? Was I that easy to read? Did Jesse tell them? How long had Jesse and Rose been sneaking around?
“Dani, please let me talk to you,” Jesse said.
“It’s a free country, Jesse,” I said. “You can do what you want.”
“But you won’t listen,” he pointed out.
“What is there to say I don’t know?” I asked. “She’s my sister and what you did was wrong.”
“I know,” he said.
“Does that mean the rest of my sisters are safe? I mean Grace is too old and not half as whore-like as you like them. Violet is too quiet and in love with some dead guy to even bother with you. Faith would bend over backwards for you to get some popularity points. Hope wouldn’t go near you unless you were an All-American footballer. Clover is the biggest bitch you’ll ever meet, but she’s in love with Luke even though she can’t tell him and Evan apart. Lily’d be too afraid you’d break her. She’s more fragile than a china doll. Well after Rose I’m just glad the rest of my damn sisters are safe.”
“Is that what you’re worried about?” he asked.
“Why? Should I worry about you and my brothers too?” I snapped.
“Dani,” he started.
“Don’t start this again,” I warned him. “I’m too tired to play games. Just stay away from my family.” I stormed off furiously.
I brushed past Ronnie and the twins. Jesse had sent me on a roller coaster of emotions. I went from being mad at him to feeling bad I yelled at him. I just blamed it on hormones and kept on my path of destruction. Okay, I wasn’t destroying anything yet or starting chaos, but that was about to change. It has seven heads and it’s called Wilson. Well I guess changes occur.
The guys and I had been at war with the Wilson’s since we were six. It started out innocently enough with sand fights and pranks. Now it was a war that is so violent we have nearly been taken to jail numerous times. That never stopped us from beating the shit out of them. It was all a battle of brawns and wit. At that point wit was the only thing on my side. I was out-numbered but as a old man once said, “It doesn’t matter the numbers stacked up against you, but the fight you have in your heart that decides the outcome.” Also known as I was pissed off enough to kick their asses no matter the numbers.
“Hello Danielle,” the leader, Billy Wilson, breathed. Do you remember what I said in the beginning about people calling me Danielle? Well, I guess this guy didn’t get the memo.
“Wilson,” I replied. If I had been a guy he would have already tried to skin my hide. He’s such a flirt.
“Not friendly, are you?” he asked. “Too bad. This could be a whole lot less painful if you were.”
“Less painful for who?” I asked, trying to keep my cool.
“None of that now,” he chuckled, amused by how pissed off I was. “We’re just trying to get some formalities out of the way before we make you cry.”
“Cocky, aren’t you?” I asked. “If I remember correctly I’ve been the one kicking your ass since we were in first grade.”
“I think you must have mixed me up with someone else,” he said. “Maybe one that is less attractive and muscular.”
“No, you’re the same ugly, scrawny kid you were when we were six.” Now I was teasing him. He was definitely taking the bait.
He lunged at me. I knew it was coming. I was the only girl he’d hit especially after I insulted him and hurt his ego. Once the leader was down the rest of his “faithful” gang joined in. I’m not sure if it was because they were brothers or if it was just because they hated me.
I was actually doing pretty well for being outnumbered. I got hit a few times, but they only punch me in the stomach. Then I can’t tell their friends that they gave me my black eye. Proud bastards.
I will admit I’m a girl. I’m not Super Woman. I’m just a pissed, hormonal chick with a knack of kicking ass and taking names. I can handle myself for the most part. Well except for when I’m fighting off Billy and Ned Wilson to notice Joe Wilson’s knife.
Well, I noticed it after he slit my stomach. It hurt like hell. It was enough for me to get red vision and kick their asses from here to kingdom come.
“Holy shit Nell,” I heard Luke laugh. I turned around, almost shocked at the blood in my hand.
“Dani?” Ronnie asked as he saw the blood.
“Today is not my lucky day,” I muttered to myself.
“We have to get you to a hospital,” Evan said concerned.
“It’s just a scratch,” I shrugged. They weren’t that easily persuaded. I swear one day they’ll have to learn I’m not some china doll.
They wouldn’t believe me. Not that I would have expected them to, but they still insisted to take me to the hospital. What morons!
I was not going. End of discussion, don’t let the door hit you on the way out. I don’t do needles… or cold hands. Actually I just don’t do the whole doctor’s office thing at all.
They never listen to me. So there I was being pulled against my will to some crack head doctor to poke some broken bone and ask if it hurt. ‘I really have to remember to kill them,’ I thought to myself as I slumped in my seat next to Ronnie and Jesse. I swear that Jesse kid is pissing me off. He doesn’t care that he’s screwing my sister, but he’ll travel upstate to find me a doctor to stitch me up. What a confused idiot.
They must have been surprised I wasn’t fighting them off like I probably should have. Little did they know that I was saving up my energy to kick their asses when we got to the hospital. I was not going docile at all.
“Dani, don’t give me that look,” Jesse said. “You’re the one who got yourself in this mess.”
“Then why don’t you just let me die of infection then?” I groaned.
“Because seeing you freak out and stress out about going to the hospital is much more fun,” Evan grinned at me. I hate them.
“Maybe next time you’ll be more careful,” Ronnie said.
“I’m sorry that I had too many assholes to notice a certain asshole had a knife,” I said rolling my eyes. “What was I thinking? Well good golly, I’m really glad I have guys like you around who can tell me to next time not get slit open.”
“Could you not be so dramatic and angry?” Luke asked.
“She’s an angsty teenage girl,” Jesse said. “What can you expect?”
I shot him a look, but refused to say anything. This was going to be a very painful road trip.
© Copyright 2007 Gwyn (mentallyyours at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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