Sundays

Lilly Ann backs out of her undersized kitchen carefully navigating the furniture in the living room and sets down a yellow plastic dish with two mayo and cheese sandwiches and a large glass of milk on the dinette table. She eases down into the dingy white vinyl swivel chair closest to the picture window and waits.
       
Her daughters take turns on Sundays bringing her grandchildren to visit; today is Catherine’s turn.

The children will not want to come. There is very little room for one person to move around, adding five more makes it difficult.

Lilly Ann looked around the apartment. She had tidied up best she could. She knew Catherine would spend most of the visit giving the apartment a more thorough cleaning, while she sits and watches her grandchildren play.

There is a small cardboard box in the closet filled with old toys: plastic army men, metal trucks, and a talking Mr. Ed hand puppet. They had belonged to her son Martin. She knows the children are bored with these toys but she cannot bear to throw them away and fill the box with more modern ones.

Lilly Ann’s eyes cross the room to the mantle over the fake fireplace. They rest on a photograph of a young Martin in her arms. He was seven years old and she was a size eight. As she finishes her snack, she tries to remember the details of their last day together.

It was the day after Lilly Ann’s 72nd birthday. Martin couldn’t attend the small party her daughters planned; instead he came the next day. Lilly Ann was excited to see him. He was after all her baby, born to her in her 50th year. But he wasn’t excited to see her. She remembers him walking around the apartment pausing over the greasy stove top and then over the crumbs on the recliner seat cushion. Her stomach knots up as she remembers his words.



“You refuse to keep this apartment clean.” Martin used a tone that was becoming all too familiar to Lilly Ann, unkind.

“Martin, what’s wrong.” Lilly Ann reached to touch the side of his face but he steps away.

“And your own appearance for that matter.” He continued.

“You’re embarrassing.” Martin whispers casting his eyes down toward the matted carpet. “Don’t you feel embarrassed?”

“Every day.” Lilly Ann searched her sons face for something familiar, but it was not there.



Lilly Ann is letting herself go. Most of the week she wears the same patched 5x cotton house dress that snaps down the front. It’s pretty rose pattern is all but faded away. The front of the dress is stained from the week’s breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. She often goes without underwear; the struggle to reach down and pull them up over her heavy thighs six or seven times a day has become too much of a challenge. She goes days without combing her hair. She is sweaty, wrinkled and someone Martin wanted to forget.

Taking a firm hold of the arms of the swivel chair, Lilly Ann lifts herself up. Carrying the empty plate and glass to the kitchen sink, she set out to hide the evidence of her in between meal snacking. Moving to the bedroom she checks herself one last time in the mirror. She smooths a stray hair back into her little bun, and wiggles and tugs on the sides of the new light blue cotton dress Catherine had given her last month. She is nervous because it no longer fits her well.

When did I become so afraid?

* * *

Catherine stands in the doorway and yells to the kids to get out of the car.
“I will, tell your father.” She stamps her foot.

From the picture window Lilly Ann can see the pained expressions on her grandchildren’s faces as they slink up the front walk.

Two of them are stomping their feet in protest as they climb the stairs and Lilly Ann hears one of the girls ask, “How long do we have to stay?”

  “Shh …” Catherine whispers. “Stop asking.”

  “Hi Nanny”, Mark, the oldest, moaned.

Mickey went straight for the cardboard toy box in the closet, and Beth and Anne bolt into Lilly Ann’s bedroom to play with the leftover Avon samples that fill the bottom drawers of her dresser.

“Girls get back here and say hello to Nana!” Catherine yells as she reaches the top step. She crosses the room to her mother the same time as the girls do.

“Sorry Mom.” She shifts the packages she is carrying and kisses Lilly Ann’s cheek so quickly that she has no time to react. Her arms miss both girls as they barely reach her cheek with air kisses before running back into the bedroom.

Catherine disappears into the kitchen and the boys sit on the floor with the cardboard box between them. Mickey has two little trucks and is racing them around the rug. Mark pushes the box away from him as he rolls his eyes and huffs.

  “How is school Mark?” Lilly Ann leans forward to get her grandson’s attention.
  “Good.”
  “Are you going on a class trip this year?”
  “Did already.”
  “Oh, where did you go?”
  “Ellis Island.”
  “Really”, Lilly Ann’s smile widens as she lifts herself up tall in her chair. “Did you know I came through Ellis Island with my mother, father, and eight brothers and sisters?”
  “No.”
  “I was one year old and my father brought all of us from Ger –“

“Mom, where’s all your milk?” Catherine calls from the kitchen. She appears at the doorway and stares at Lilly Ann for a moment and retreats back.

Mark has since turned his back and joins his brother racing trucks.

Lilly Ann watches.

Catherine moves from the kitchen to the bathroom. Lilly Ann listens for the sound of objects sliding across porcelain and sighs of disgust.

The last thing Catherine does is run the vacuum. In the bedroom she yells for the girls to clean up their mess and go sit on the couch. As she moves through the living room she finds the boys have already put the cardboard box of toys back in the closet and have joined their sisters, eagerly waiting for the vacuuming to be done.

As Catherine rolls the cord on the belly of the canister she recites the list of food she has put away in the kitchen.
“There’s enough there to last two weeks Mom.” Catherine takes the seat across from her mother. “We can’t come next Sunday. Rose and Margaret can’t either. We are – We have something –“

“We’re going to Uncle Marty’s new house”, Beth jumps up off the couch and runs to her mother. “He has a gigantic backyard, with a fish pond”.

“Shh …” Catherine tugs on Beth’s sleeve. Kissing Lilly Ann quickily on the cheek. “Please make it last two weeks Mom.”


* * *

Lilly Ann struggles to lift two grocery bags out of a narrow folding cart and unlock her front door. Trying to ignore the noise, one too many loud bangs sends Alison Fisher to her front door. She finds Lilly Ann, sweating, out of breath, and frustrated.

“Let me. Let me help you.” Alison takes the grocery bags and frees Lilly Ann hand so she is able to unlock her door.

Alison carries the bags up the seventeen steps to the kitchen, returns to the top landing and waits for Lilly Ann to climb the stairs.

Lilly Ann takes up the width of the stairway. Reaching both arms in front, she grabs hold of the hand rail and pulls and climbs. Each step slow and deliberate. Her breath loud and quick. Alison slowly rocks forward and back in rhythm with the progress of each heavy step, giving Lilly Ann her silent support.

Reaching the top landing, Lilly Ann lets out a big breath of air, forcing an embarrassed smile towards Alison.

Alison makes the left turn off the landing and walks backwards up the last four steps smiling back at Lilly Ann, eyebrows arched. “Last four and we’re home free.”
Fortified with a dose of encouragement Lilly Ann breaths in, reaches forward on the handrail and pulls herself up the final four steps. Alison motions for her to take a seat in the recliner.

“Let me get ya a glass of water.”

Lilly Ann tries to ease herself down in her chair but her arms shake and weaken, letting her fall back with a heavy thud. She worries for a moment that she has damaged the chair. She hears Margaret’s warning in her head, “No more new furniture.”

Tilting her head back, her mouth drops open as she tries to refill her lungs.

Alison emerges from the kitchen and hands Lilly Ann a glass filled with cool tap water. She doesn’t let go until she is sure Lilly Ann has a good grip of the glass. She turns looking around the room and decides on a seat at the dinette table.

“Did you walk all the way to the 7-11 and back by yourself?” She waits for Lilly Ann to finish her water.

Lowering the glass Lilly Ann takes one last deep breath. “Yes. I was out of milk and bread.”

“Don’t you have people to help you? I see people come here.”
“Yes, my children help me. Unfortunately they will not be able to visit this Sunday. I could have called my daughter but it looked like such a lovely day for a walk.”

Alison looks at the window and cranks one glass panel open to let in the breeze.
“Stay put. I’ll put the food away.” Alison collects the glass from Lilly Ann and disappears into the kitchen.

“Oh, what a lovely young lady you are. Thank-you. God bless you.”
“Lady?” Alison laughs. “Don’t know bout that.”
“What is your name dear?” “Do you live in these apartments?”
“Alison. Alison Fisher. Right under you, in 11A. Me and my mom and brother.”
“You sure got a whole lotta ice cream here.” Alison calls out.
“Oh! Yes. I like to have that in the freezer for when my grandchildren visit.”
“They did not melt too much, did they?” Lilly Ann asks with much concern.
“Nope.” Alison lied. “Not too much. They’ll freeze back up.”

Alison retakes her seat at the dinette table. “Your apartment is even smaller then ours. Didn’t think that was possible.”
“Is it?”
“What’s your name? I mean, I know it is Mrs. Edwards. We get your mail sometimes. And I hear the kids call ya nanny.”
“My name is Lilly Ann Edwards. I would like it if you called me Lilly Ann.”
“Lilly Ann.” Alison sings out. “I like that. May-be I’ll use it if I get a girl”. Alison looks down and pats her stomach. Looking up at Lilly Ann, “Yup, sixteen and pregnant. Some lady, huh?”
Lilly Ann pulls herself up tall. “Alison dear, we are all ladies. Remember that.”

Alison walks to the top of the stairs and skips down to the first landing. “Mom doesn’t think so.” She turns and looks at Lilly Ann. “You’re nice to say so though.”
“Well, I gotta check on my brother. Whole lot coulda gone wrong by now.”
“Thank-you dear. God bless you. Come visit anytime.”
“I will.” Alison skips down the stairs and pulls the door shut behind her.

* * *

Margaret opens the front door and hears her mother’s voice. “We met one summer at the Jersey Shore. I was nineteen then …” She quietly climbs the stairs as she listens in. “He was so handsome, the life of the party. Oh and so charming and fun. They use to call us John Barrymore and Greta Gar –“.

“You think he’d call you Greta Garbo if you saw you today.” Margaret interrupted as she reached the top step.

Lilly Ann startled, slaps the covers of the scrapbook together. Alison’s smile is quickly replaced with slanting eyes and flaring nostrils.

“The kids couldn’t come today. They’re at the park.” Margaret walks over to the dinette and looks down at the scrap book and then at Lilly Ann. “What’s that on your face? Make-up. And what’s with the hair color?” She ignores Alison and continues on into the kitchen where she sets down the grocery bags she is carrying.

“Does she always talk to you like that?” Alison whispered. Lilly Ann doesn’t answer. Alison stands, leans and kisses Lilly Ann's cheek, and walks to the steps. “See ya after school tomorrow.”

Margaret waits to hear the front door shut and moves to the center of the living room, one hand fisted against her right hip, the other hangs loose and slaps against her left thigh as she speaks. “You don’t take your eyes off of that one when she’s up here … do you?”

“Take my eyes off of her?” Lilly Ann repeats.
“Not everyone is honest, Mom. People steal, especially people like that.”
“Alison would never –“
“Oh”, Margaret waves a hand in front of her, “What do you know.” She turns and goes back into the kitchen.

“Just so you know, I’m not replacing anything.” Margaret calls out over the sound of rustling bags.

* * *

Alison knocks on the door and patiently waits for Lilly Ann to make her way down stairs. “It takes her a while sometimes.” She explains to Beryl.

“I feel so guilty sometimes Lilly Ann, making you come all the way downstairs to let me in.” Alison beams as the front door opens. But Lilly Ann doesn’t mind; she looks forward to these visits from Alison.

“This is Beryl Andrews. She lives right next door. She plays the piano just like you. She’s English.”

Beryl smiles and extends her hand. “Alison has told me so much about you. It really is a pleasure”.

“Oh how nice. Please come up for some iced tea”.
“Actually – “Alison looked over at Beryl, “We were hoping you would have tea with us … at Beryl’s”

“I have everything set up if you would like.” Beryl motions to her door.
Lilly Ann smooths out her house dress and looks down toward her slippers.
“Oh you look fine. I’ll turn off the t.v.” Alison runs up to the living room and back down in a flash.

Beryl’s apartment is filled with fresh cut flowers. The wall colors are a soft peach and look so comfortable surrounding the pale green davenport and maple wood tables. And in the corner stands a beautiful English Regency Steinway piano.

“Oh … how lovely everything is.” Lilly Ann runs her hand gently over the top of the piano. “I love listening to you play. I always turn the television off so I can hear you better.”

“I want to hear you play.” Alison helps Lilly Ann settle into a crushed velvet moss-colored wing chair that sits next to the piano.

“Well if you can play as well as you can sketch I am sure it is quite wonderful.” Beryl passes a tall glass of iced tea with fresh lemon to Lilly Ann.

“Oh, I am embarrassed.” Lilly Ann smiles, taking the glass with two hands.
“Don’t be Lilly. Alison showed me the sketches you did for her. They are really quite amazing.”
“I haven’t sketched in years – not since the tremors started.” Lilly Ann holds up her right hand and shows how it shakes from side to side at her wrist.
“Well I think you’re great.” Alison picks out four cubes from the sugar bowl and plops them one by one into her glass. “Mom says I’m lucky to have you two teaching me art and music.”



* * *

Lilly Ann slowly lowers the receiver and returns it to its cradle. She tugs the faux ruby clip-on earrings from her earlobes as she makes her way back into the bedroom. Opening a small wooded jewelry box, she carefully returns them to their place. She is angry with herself for gushing about Rose to Beryl. Proclaiming how wonderful it was for her daughter to get her a ticket to the new show at the playhouse. Lilly Ann left out that it was an extra paid ticket; available when one of Rose’s friends was unable to attend. But still, it was nice for Rose to think of her.

Beryl came at noon to color and style Lilly Ann’s hair. Alison joined in as they pampered Lilly Ann with nail color and make-up. Lilly Ann giggled as they helped her dress. She felt like Cinderella.

Her friends hugged and kissed her as they wished her a fun evening and left. Lilly Ann sat in the chair closest to the picture window and waited for her daughter.

At 7:15 pm. the phone rang; it was Rose. “Listen … “she began. The smile dropped off Lilly Ann’s face and her stomach knotted up. “… turns out my friend can use her ticket after all. We can do this another time. Love you Mom, but can’t talk, don’t want to miss the opening act.”


* * *


Catherine and Martin reached the hospital together. Alison and Beryl are in the waiting room. Alison jumps up when she sees Catherine. “I found her sitting on the floor in the living room, grabbing hold of the chair by the window.” Alison was speaking rapidly. “She couldn’t catch her breath. She had pains in her chest … her arm.”

“It was only a matter of time.” Martin spoke under his breath as he looked toward the nurse’s desk.

“What?” Alison spun her head toward Martin. Catherine took her by the shoulders; half hugged her and turned her back in the direction of Beryl.

“Thank-you Alison. You have been very kind to our mother.” And then turning to Martin, “That’s not fair Marty. Moms made lots of changes. She drinks skim milk now. And gets dressed when she wakes up. And I think she’s given up ice cream. I haven’t found any contains in the trash lately.”



* * *

Margaret is the last to join the crowded waiting room. She takes a seat between Martin and Catherine. “I got in touch with Rose, finally, at the Regency in Niagara. She wants us to keep her updated. Said there was no reason to cut her trip short if it wasn’t necessary.” Margaret slaps her hands on the top of her lap. “I don’t know why I bothered.”
Across from them sits Catherine’s four children along with Beryl and Alison who is holding a large sketch pad on her lap.

“When can we see Nanny, Mom?” Mickey asked.
“The doctor is in with her now sweetheart,” Catherine answered. “Soon.”
“Family first.” Margaret adds as she slowly shakes her head and eyes Alison’s large round stomach.

Alison follows Margaret’s stare down to where her right hand is caressing the side of her belly. She looks back up at Margaret lifting her chin a little higher. Then turning to Mark she holds out the sketch pad that was on her lap.

“Want to see some of your Nana’s drawing?” Alison lifts the cover and begins to slowly flip the large pages.

“Nana drew those?” Mark asks Alison doubtfullly. “My Nana?”

“Yes, your Nana.” Alison tries to mimic his voice. “She’s great … isn’t she?”
“It’s scary”, Beth says. “Why are all the faces so scary?”
“They’re not scary.” Mark stops Alison’s hand from turning. “They’re sad.”
“Your Nana is teaching me how to show what someone is feeling on the inside not how they look on the outside. See – how long the face is.” Alison slowly runs her finger down the shape on the page. “How sunken the skin on the cheek is, like they are melting. How the bottom of the mouth hangs slightly open. But the eyes – they stare forward, full, round like cue balls -- kinda showing the shock of how her life became.”
“Is that Nana? Is that how she feels?” Beth shifts uncomfortably in her seat.
“Sometimes. May-be.” Alison’s voice was gentle. “She never said.”

Beth took the book from Alison and walks it over to her mother. “Mom, Nana made this. Is this how she feels?”

Catherine takes the pad from Beth and stares at the woman’s face on the page. Martin stretches his neck past Margaret to look on.

Clicking her tongue Margaret grabs the book, slaps it down on her lap and quickly flips the pages. There are many sketches of a thin faced woman, drained of life or diseased by life. And drawings of a fat lady with no face, always sitting; fat draping over cushions.
“Who said Mom drew these.” Margaret barks. “Mom doesn’t draw.”
Beth turns and looks toward Alison.

“Your mother filled that book.” Alison snaps back.
Catherine moves across the room to Alison and Beryl. “I remember Mom drawing when I was little.” Turning back to Margaret, “Don’t you remember Marge; she would draw flowers and seaside scenes with colored pencils on the brown bags she put our school lunches in?” Margaret didn’t answer. She just crosses her arms and rolls her eyes.

Martin carries the pad across the room to Alison and takes a seat.

“And your mom and Beryl,” Alison said putting a hand on Beryl’s knee, “They both are teaching me to play the piano.”
“Nana doesn’t have a piano.” Mark states.
“She plays mine.” Beryl smiles. “And very beautifully”.
“What else does Nana do?” Beth asks. Everyone but Margaret turns to Alison.

* * *

Beryl came by early on Sunday to help Lilly Ann fix her hair and put something nice on. She leaves an instamatic camera loaded with fresh film and a three pack of flash cubes on the mantel. “We need new pictures for the scrap book Lil.”

Lilly Ann is going to miss Beryl and Alison when Martin moves her into the senior apartments on State St. The apartment will be easier to manage; it has elevators, ramps, and a nurse on duty. They promise they will visit her on Sundays.

Lilly Ann paces the rug in the living room thinking about the new way Catherine and Martin spoke to her in the hospital room. Catherine promised to visit today and bring sandwiches so she wouldn’t waste any time in the kitchen. The grandchildren promised to bring paper and colored pencils. They told her they wanted to draw with her. She smiles as she remembers how Martin jumped in telling Catherine to make extra sandwiches for him and Anna; he was bringing his wife to meet her.

Lilly Ann eases down into the swivel chair closest to the picture window and waits.