Dead at Nineteen

Dead at Nineteen
By Erika Haehl

Its midnight and he is in his car. He is tired, but only has a few more miles to go, so he presses onward. His heart is heavy with dread but he is not quite sure why. Still he continues to drive. He is coming up to a light; his heart accelerates quickly, yet he passes through the intersection. He turns his head slightly to the left, he sees the headlights. He realizes there is no way to avoid the oncoming impact. And in this moment he thinks to himself, “If I were to die now, what would people say about me?”
Brandon Hollar was young but had the knowledge many fifty year olds are still searching for today. Born April 11, 1984, he realized at the raw age of six, that the only way to find true and everlasting happiness was to trust God in everything. In August of 1990 he asked Jesus to become his personal savior and following that fateful night, he turned to God in all situations, the blessings and the curses. When he entered a room, his overwhelming joy filled the entire area. During the hard times he still had a huge smile on his face.
I remember one time when I asked him how he could be so happy even though ‘such and such’ was going on. He looked me in the eye and proclaimed, “There is a huge difference between happiness and joy. Joy comes from the father and is everlasting while happiness is just an expression of the good times.” I will always recall this statement because it made me realize that I need to depend on God to get me through the rough times.
He would never hesitate to tell who and what made him so joyful. Though he made mistakes, as we all do, he lived his life for God, never worrying what others thought of him. I remember the first time I entered the high school youth room. There he was, dancing and worshiping with all his heart. I remember thinking, “what in the world does this guy think he is doing.” Yet as I watched him, my heart began to change, and I wondered how he could he have so much passion that he didn’t even think twice about dancing in front of everyone. By the end of worship, I found myself so thrown into worship that I was dancing myself. It was so contagious and wonderful that now when I go to worship, all my inhabitations are thrown to the ground and my heart is exposed to all.
On May 26th 2003, Brandon’s day started as any other Saturday may have, with a few minor differences that went unnoticed, until later. He left the house, as he normally did, but this time, he gently kissed his mom and made sure she knew how much he loved and appreciated her. He called his friend, Lindsay, as he would do whenever he felt like, but instead of the normal conversations they had, he wanted to make sure she realized that even though she hurt him with a decision she made, he forgave her and loved her completely. He wrote a song just a few days before, which was what he did when he needed peace, but this time the song was about how we needed to live life like it’s our last day. He made sure that no corner was left undone.
As every other Saturday night he went to church, and then left with some friends to have fun. He left the group at midnight. We feel that he sensed his death, according to his small signs. When he saw those headlights and asked himself the ultimate question, I am sure he never would have expected what happened after that sad night, when he died at nineteen. Not only did he bring many people to Christ during his life, his life story brought an overwhelming amount of people to Christ after his death. His story caused many Christians to examine their lives and change for the better. I am positive when he reached the Pearly Gates he heard, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”
Although I can not consider myself one of his close friends, I wish that I could have, I wish that maybe some of his faithfulness would have rubbed off on me. And in a way I guess it did. After his death, feeling and seeing the pain of the loss and the celebration of a life well lived; I realize that I want to do as he did because he was a living example of a man trying to be like Christ. I want to be able to say “No, because I don’t think its right,” instead of “I can’t because it is against my moms rules.” I want to be able to tell the world what Jesus did for me instead of sitting around like a timid mouse. I can see changes being made, and although they are slow I know I can do it. I know that I want people to say, “Yes, Erika Haehl was a Christian woman, who loved Christ.” So every time I hesitate, I think to my self, “If I were to die right now, what would people say about me?”