Awakened

the misanthrope was sure
looked down at all the madness and plucked me out like a splinter
"these games are not your games" she said
peeled off my mask and showed me the green face I wore

"I confess," I balked at my own words
a confession nonetheless
there is no fifth to plead
when life is sitting red all over your hands
I have stolen all of my own endowments away
invested them in shams
every glimmer, every hopeful word, every passion

I have taken my potential and filled it with poison
and handed it out as parting gifts
"Do, Do, DO," they all said on each little note
but life is easier to say than to do
though you don't have to say as much to know it

but yesterday I listened, and I rode out to the sea
(I sanded myself down on its shore
it wanted more and more, I laid my honor down
I shaved myself down to a little pin, and picked my faith back up again
then there in that lovely ocean
under the moon smiling down, my blithe sentry)
I washed off my green face
I washed the sand from my hair and unfolded the face I never wear

It is not an ugly face, it is only mine
it is just the truth I've held at a distance this whole time
it is the me that scared me before, so I locked it away
but now I've brought her out of her tower
with my own key
I built this key with hope
cut this key decidedly alone
a natural turn, the turning was my own

I threw away all the "you"'s
I took back all the missing and the yearning
I took back the hunt and the harvest
and brought it down to the bottom of my heart
to have a heart again and call myself a friend