No Ho Ho Here

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NEW PROMPT:
Write a short story or poem about someone finding a santa suit in a box in the top shelf of your closet - when the person puts it on, something happens...
but it can't be Christmas related
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What with the USA presidential campaign heating up with less than a week to go, it was no surprise one of the exhausted candidates decided to take a break and return home for the weekend.

“Why, Honey, how nice of you to drop by,” gushed his wife, watching her husband come through the door that Friday afternoon. “You’re just in time to help me. You can clean out all the junk on this floor first.”

The man shuddered, dreading the rest of the Honey-Do list waiting for him. He would much rather be out kissing babies and groveling for votes. Head hanging down, he already was thinking of the litany of chores his wife had for him. His shoulders were slumped in abject surrender when he followed her into the hall closet and looked way up on the top shelf. There he saw half a dozen cardboard boxes covered in dust and spider webs.

“What ya want me to do first, Butter Butt?” Forgetting his wife hated that long-ago term of endearment, especially since she had put on a few pounds lately, the man winced at the glare she gave him.

She decided to ignore the insulting nickname and gestured toward a large box in front of him. “Maybe you could find something in that one to help you win the Presidency. I heard on TV yesterday you’re way down in the polls.” She opened the flaps of the box to reveal costumes their children had worn for Halloween over the years.

After placing it on the closet floor, the woman started pulling out the contents of the box. First were the makings for a pirate costume including eye patch and rubber sword. Their son had worn that when he was around 12. “I don’t think this would go over too well. Voters already think of politicians as a bunch of pirates, only after their hard earned money.”

The wife sat on the floor with poorly disguised glee at the expression on her husband’s face when he saw the next item. It was a clown costume complete with size 24 shoes and a rubber squeaky nose. She couldn’t help remembering the recent article by a renounced newspaper columnist about the bumbling candidates only needing an itty bitty car to get around in.

“Don’t say a word,” he snarled, hearing her muffled giggle. “Not one word.”

When she put that costume aside, her husband reached around her to grab the next outfit. “I don’t think this one will help my campaign either,” he muttered with a distasteful look at what was in his hands.

His wife grinned before saying, “Oh, I don’t know. I heard you and the others compared to a bunch of apes on a network news channel this morning.” She took the offending gorilla outfit from her husband and put it on top of the pirate costume. “I think the term I heard was ‘Monkey see, monkey do!’”

“Hey, we’re not all saying or doing the same thing at all,” he practically shouted. It was true the various candidates were spouting the same slogans to stop the war, not raise taxes, and fix whatever needed to be fixed in the government. He at least had tried to put a different spin on those promises, without much success, though.

“That’s true, Sweetie, you didn’t say one word about taxes this week,” his wife said, not meaning one word of her conciliatory comment. “This is the outfit I think will best define your candidacy from the others.” With that, she pulled out the last costume at the bottom of the box, the one that had made a big hit two Halloweens ago. “You stump around the country dressed in this, and all the voters will know you have a big heart and want only good things for them.” She handed him the hat first to try on.

That was how the future President of the United States was photographed a week later. His beaming, toothy grin was almost obliterated by the white beard and moustache. No one looked close enough to see the last remaining spider nestled deep inside the beard. All any voter noticed was the red outfit trimmed in white.

Now, if you had to choose among current politicians ready to pick your pocket or jolly Old Saint Nick promising gifts aplenty, which one would get your vote for President next year?

Come November 4th, you USA citizens,
don’t forget to vote early and vote often!

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Microsoft Word count = 747

Winner of the 11/29/07 "The Writer's Cramp - Poetry Week"  daily contest.
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