fucking diary entry

Ok, this is going to be the biggest "diary entry" ever. But it's pretty shitty right now. I work 6 days a week, 11 hours a day. My best friend Trevor is in fucking jail. I go to court on my 18th birthday and I have to pass a drug test. Which leaves me about 13 days to get clean. My parents are always bitching. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have my fucking license back yet. It's some bullshit. Life is such a funny thing. It just seems like we go through periods of happiness and periods of turmoil or depression. I can remember periods of time when I was happy, and I can remember periods of time when I was depressed. A lot of the time, I just walk through my days. Just waiting for sleep. I just do what I have to do, so that I can go home and go to sleep that night. My job pretty much sucks, and I spend almost all of my waking hours there, so it's pretty much my life. So the moral of that is my life sucks at the moment. I don't have time for shit. Christmas is this weekend, and I am not at all looking forward to it. Call me crazy, but I do not consider spending an entire day with my "super christian" and "super family oriented" family, a fun day. I will get to watch all of my cousins and aunts and uncles, smiling all day opening up there presents. I'll fake a smile when I open mine and pretend to like them like a do every year, but the truth is, I hate every fucking moment of it. I think life is pretty much going to suck forever. As soon as you get old, you get a job and go to it everyday and wake up and do the same shit over and over every fucking day. Call me cynical, but the thought of the repetition were are trained to live by makes me want to vomit. It just seems like we have nothing to aspire too. I am an adventurous person and I would like to try new things everyday, I want a little bit of excitement in my life. But, I will almost certainly end up like every other working stiff in this land of opportunity, and do my best to scrape by. I'll pay my taxes, work my shitty job, and come home to my wife who will continually gain weight, as she gets older and uglier. Maybe I'll even have a kid to disappoint me. I'm sure I will be divorced at least once, and I am sure that I will die lonely. But what's the difference? We're all a bunch of fucking robots trained to search for love and make our government money, while never actually getting to experience all the things out there that there are to experience. I want to be a person that has done damn near everything there is to do. I want to skydive, I want to get married in Vegas, I want to get so drunk on my 21st birthday that I wake up in the emergency room. I want to go to a strip club and get kicked out for indecent exposure. I want to drink a bottle of chocolate syrup because my best friend double-dog-dared me too. I want be homeless for 2 months just because I can. I want to live in los angelos, I want to live in new york, I want to move to Europe for a couple of years. I want to be a taxi driver, I want to be a stunt double in a move, I want to break both my legs jumping off of a burning building. I want to save someone's life, I want to take someone's life, I want to be someone's life. I want to get married and have a horrible divorce, and then I want to marry someone and live happily ever after. I want to totally abandon everything I know just to move to somewhere totally foreign, and start over...and probably more than once. As far as I am concerned, the sky is the limit, but our society limits us. It is impossible to just get up and leave on a whim, because we have entirely too much to lose, and too much holding us back. Just some food for thought.