Take it to the Limit

Many thanks to vivacious for the great header.

Take it to the Limit

By

The Eagles

On New Year’s Day 1976 another phone call from America arrived with sad news. A week to the day of Pop’s passing my Dad’s only brother also passed away. I suppose Dad accepted he’d probably never see his relatives again, but he didn’t expect to lose his brother at such a young age; I remember it as one of the very few times I’ve seen my Dad cry.

I was still bowling with Mum in a team on Monday nights and Nigel continued to bowl with his team, so we did see each other still and remained friendly. In fact later in the year we had quite a laugh over the fact my sister, with my permission, chose to call her own newborn son Nigel, thus ensuring I’d never forget the first one in my life. Not that I would anyway.

David and I were establishing a more settled routine, working our nights out around Louise and enjoying weekends together. Having teaching in common we had much to talk about on the subject, although at this stage he had left the school and was training to work with Special Needs children. Mum and I took an evening class in Badminton and David, being a keen sportsman, encouraged me to play more. We often played against other couples who were friends, fiercely competitive games but quite happy to forgive and forget in the pub afterwards.

Teaching and coaching Netball still took a lot of my time and David was always willing to help out with transport of teams and sideline coaching. I enjoyed the long walks we took with his dogs and our day trips with Louise to the seaside, but was still unsure about the whole relationship and whether I was prepared to take on someone else’s child.

Mum and I visited the Isle of Wight twice that year; once at our usual spot in Shanklin and a second time in the summer when she suggested we introduce David to our special little island. Ever the opportunist my Mum, but she was good company in those days and quite happy to tag along with David and I when she could.

Mum, Boo and I on our second visit to the Isle of Wight 1976.

David and I spent our first holiday abroad in Ibiza that summer. He’d never travelled abroad before so it was all quite exciting and romantic. The cactus needle I managed to step on during the week and the subsequent medical treatment still causes laughs today, although I didn’t feel particularly well during the holiday and the week afterwards.

The reason why I was feeling unwell came as a shock when I discovered I was pregnant. I won’t say I don’t know how it happened as that’s obvious, but on no occasion had there been any carelessness on either part. It just happened. No one pressured me to make a decision; both my Mum and David agreed they’d support me whatever I decided to do. I spent some sleepless nights pondering the situation and know now my decision was based purely on excuses.

I didn’t want to rush into a marriage I wasn’t sure about, particularly when another child was involved. The sixties may have been liberating times but in the seventies single mothers were still a rarity. How could I remain a respectable teacher if I was expecting a child or entered into a shotgun wedding? I wasn’t ready to give up my career or sure I ever wanted to be a mother.

My decision was made; one I’ve regretted for the rest of my life. I had an abortion at the end of August and returned to school in the September a more solemn and disturbed person for the experience. Some women may say abortion is no big deal but for me it was monumental and something I bitterly regret. People say if I’d had that child then maybe I wouldn’t have had Paul later, I wasn’t ready at the time, maybe I’d have resented the child if I’d had it and all the clichés about we all make mistakes and must forgive ourselves. But I never have and never will. It was so, so wrong and selfish of me and still makes me weep to think about it.

But it was done and I guess in a way it drew David and I closer and cemented our relationship further. I also believe it took a chunk of my zest for life and some of my hope for the future. Seeing my sister with two young children now and still feeling very unsettled I started questioning again just exactly where I was heading in life and what exactly it was I wanted.

David and I on holiday in Ibiza 1976. I'll drink wine any way it's offered.