Why cant I put this away?

Why can’t I put this away?
I came across It and it intrigued me, enthralled me, embraced me;It let me in.
I gloried in it, and I thought it in me. I praised it put it in a place other things could be .
It never did anything out of the ordinary to draw me, except be what it was; or just that it was.
I took it or did I allow it to take me. Like I said it had no intention nor desire to do so.
However it happened. At least with in me, at least within my heart At least within my sole.

Why can’t I put this away?
I think I have put it in its proper place, then I see It, hear It,IT thrills me so. Or I imagine someone else with it. Any one else;
it raises a kind of jealousy in me. You see for they get to be with It but not I they are blessed not I.They are filld not I.
Now in my heart. A sick feeling in my chest. A painfull tugging, a longing.A deep abiding need.
Unbearable and at the same time exquisite, because it is for It I am feeling, it is for It I am hurtting, for It I expirance pain.Even pain draws me to it. Exquisite pain!Glorious pain!
See It is not mine in reality It never was.only It can give but IT could not,It would not. Do I love It? YES. Do I NEED It? Yes yes.Do I Admire It? YES. YES I do!

Why can’t I put this away?
When you give something your heart how do you take it back?And when you get your heart handed back to you, how you receive it?
How you deal with this bruised mass of nothing? For a heart empty no longer functions. Now void of what gave it life. Even if I could put It away, all away.
What Would I become? would I be better would it all heal now?It’s unlikely not in my mind or in my empty black heart.Would I be bitter?The Latter is only possible.

If can I put this away.
What will it turn me in to? A better man? Doubtfully! A bitter Man likely
a man likely never to hope, ,never to feel, never to see another thing. Blind. but who needs sight in total darkness.
A man most likely empty and void like his empty black heart,empty of what was every thing .Now put away for good.
Good IS NOT THE WORD!!! Forever, for always, permanently, wastefully. Are Correct but NOT the word good.

How cant I put this away?
one day at a time maybe but that seams cliché get use to the pain ,the emptiness
the sorrow that’s more likely, or maybe just to stop feeling at all.Thats it! That’s how I put this thing away. Stop feeling! There is only one way to stop feeling; THAT IS TO JUST STOP! Stop the feeling for good. Dare I speak it what’s the difference every one knows. nobody cares about my emptiness not anymore.

I am putting this away; wait no it is putting me away.
Now the sangwination that once brought feeling will soon bring release. Release from It, from emotion,from fealing. Release from everything.
Soon my heart will truly be empty. Finally, permanently. no more pain, no more sorrow, no grief at what can never be.
A heart flat, and lifeless. Once full of blood, full of love, full of hope! Now, and forever empty. Void, but painless.
Painless and no longer a burden to that which he loves. There worries, his worries. Now put away. Put It away.....Away...away.....Away........away.......Away........A....way.....a...way....a.....w.....a..!