Alone

It’s a very cold morning. I hit the snooze on my alarm and pull the duvet around me to try and keep warm but Tom keeps banging on the door telling me to get up. ‘C’mon mate,’ he says, ‘You’ve gotta important day ahead of you.’

I sighed, he was right. I look at the clock and try to see if I can give myself another five minutes but I’m already running late. I get up and run to the bathroom, splash cold water over my face and try to wake myself up. I open the curtains and look outside, grey and miserable, just like my life.

I jump in the shower and have a shave, felt the need to clean before I went to her funeral. Tom lent me his suit because mine’s gone tatty, it rides up and the arms because he’s not as tall as me. I go downstairs to make some breakfast, I wanted cereal but there’s no milk in the fridge. I settle for toast and butter, sit down for ten minutes with the morning paper.

Tom gives me a ride to the church because I can’t afford the petrol. I get out and look at my watch, already seven minutes late. I walk briskly over the graveyard and open the church doors, everybody looks at me as I come in.

I put my hand up and whisper that I was sorry, sit down at the back and unfastened my coat. At the front her parents are crying, her husband. She was only twenty-four and already she’s gone.

We rise for the hymn but no one really has the energy. The service finishes and I watch them carry the coffin past my feet. Follow them out to the grave, everyone walks so slowly. Stare at their broken faces, I wonder what I’ve missed.

I stand at the back as they lower her downwards; the priest prays to the Almighty and we all bow our heads. Line up to throw dirt on her tomb, I’m the last. Look down and think of her for a second; I loved her once.

I had to walk home because I missed the bus; I fancied a burger but I didn’t have the change. Passed a tramp on the bridge and gave him some coinage, it’s not much but it’s all I can spare.

I open the door to the house and hang up my jacket, grab a drink and fall into the sofa beside the TV. It’s cold so I put on a jumper, day time TV, the working man’s lunch. Look around the house but no one’s about it, I feel strangely alone.