My Father Before and After Alzheiimer's

My Father Before and After Alzheimer’s

         My father was a victim of Alzheimer’s disease.  To help you understand what affect this had on the entire family, I want to tell you something about what he was like before he became ill.  When I was a child, I remember my dad as a good man and father. 

After Mom and Daddy were married, they went to Peacock, which is in West Texas, and brought Mom’s two younger sister to Waco with them.  He made sure that they went to high school.  One of my aunts graduated and he made sure that she went to nursing school.  The other one did not finish high school; she married and moved to Houston.  Momma had four brothers and they were in and out until they settled down and got married.

         When I was six years old, and my brother Paul was three, we were taking turns riding on an old tricycle, the front wheel of the tricycle came off and he fell over the handlebars.  He landed on his head and was unconscious for several minutes.  My oldest brother took Paul up to the house and gave him to Daddy, and he stayed up all night, carrying Paul in his arms and walking with him every hour, on the hour, outside in the cool air, so he would not fall asleep.  It seemed like a long night to me because I would wake up and go see what was going on.  They made me go back to bed but I could not sleep.

          I was 12 years old when I broke my arm.  It was a severe break they had to put pins in my elbow.  My farther was there when I went into surgery.  He was the first person I saw when I woke up.  He stayed with me at night so Mom could go home and get some rest and tend to my brothers and sister. Mom would come up in the morning and stay with me.  Daddy would go home and take care of the farm chores.  My brothers helped him with the work, along with my aunt and uncle who lived on the farm with us.  I was around sixteen when my brothers went into the army.  My parents worried about them going to Viet Nam, but they got lucky; they went to Germany.

         Daddy was there when I was 17 years old and went in the hospital because I had a heart murmur.  All I had to do was make a move and he was there.  You know, I often wondered how he did that; he didn’t sleep much at night, and then went home, worked and was back the next night.  After I had kids, I realized it is what a parent does for their children. 

         When my older brother Melvin came home from the army, he bought a new car with the money he saved while in the services.  He and a friend went out and they were in a fight with this guy and he pulled a knife and stabbed Melvin five times, almost hitting his heart.  My parents went to the Emergency Room; they stayed with him until his surgery was over.  After they put him in I.C.U. Mom went home.  Daddy stayed with him just in case something went wrong; he stayed until Melvin was put in a regular room.

         During the first five years that he began to show signs of Alzheimer’s disease, he knew there was something wrong and that caused him to be mean and angry.  He would lash out verbally and physically; there were times we would have to go over and help calm him down.  My youngest brother and I were the only ones who could talk to him.  We just had to make him talk and find out why he was upset, and then we could talk to him.  As the disease progressed it became harder to talk to him, and to get him to realize no one was trying to hurt him.

         As a child, I never remember him as a mean man; as a matter of fact he was very gentle.  He gradually began to forget things and, as the Alzheimer’s disease progressed, he could not remember us.  Mom worried he would hurt himself on the farm equipment.  She was afraid he would cut off his arms or legs or even fatally wound himself.

         He didn’t get bad until he was in his 80’s.  Alzheimer’s is a terrible disease it turns a gentle loving man into a bad tempered stranger and takes away the person that we loved.  My mother and I learned to use psychology to get him to do what we wanted him to do.  I would try to keep cookies and other things around for snacks so if he started roaming too far from the yard we would say, “Daddy, I’m kind of hungry how about you?  Do you want something to eat?”  We never fed him much at one time because he would not remember eating almost as soon as he finished.  I didn’t want to overfeed him.  We would use the news to redirect him because he loved to watch it.  He would sit down with a cup of coffee and be quiet and content for an hour so we could rest.

         In the early stage, there were days he seemed to be all right.  He would be forgetful but would act like he normally did.  Other days, he would pace and try to leave and we would have to reason with him so he would not leave.  It was hard on him because he loved going where he wanted to, and to be told no you can’t do that was difficult.  We section off a part of the yard for him to walk in.  Once he forgot how to get out the front door, we would leave the back door open so he could go in and out and be safe.

         The worst time for the family, and the person with Alzheimer’s is the first few years because they are just beginning to realize that something is wrong and they get very combative and take it out on their loved ones.  Sun downing is mild to moderate delirium at night.  In the afternoon, the closer it gets to sundown the more confused they get.  They become anxious and irritable which makes them hard to handle.  They get to the point they do not recognize anyone, they forget how to feed themselves, dress him or herself, or even swallow.  Alzheimer’s takes around five to fifteen years to incapacitate a person.  I moved to Phoenix, Arizona during the 80’s when he was beginning to get to the point that he was totally taken over by the Alzheimer’s.  That left Mom to take care of him by herself, my youngest brother and his wife would always check in on them to make sure they were all right.

         One day, they stopped by and Daddy was on the floor and Mom could not get him up.  Barbara took one look at him and called the ambulance because he had a stroke.  We all had a hard time trying to get Mom to put him in a nursing home; she had told him she would never do that.  There was no way she could take care of him in that condition because he was helpless as a baby.  Finally she gave in.  It took her a while to realize she had done the right thing for him and for her.

         He had always loved us; my children never had the chance to get to know their grandfather.  By the time we came back to Texas, he was totally out of it.  The only voice he recognized was Moms’.  All she had to say was, “Hugh this is Cleo.”  He would look at her and smile but within a second he would not even know her.  He loved Mom dearly but the disease took all that away.  It took the father we knew and loved, and the grandfather I wished my children could have known

My sister’s children where some 20 years older than mine and they remember their grandfather with love and affection.  When he died, Danielle was ten years old and appointed herself as our shoulder to lean on.  She went from person to person hugging them and trying to help with our grief.  She saw her grandfather for the first time in a casket.  I tried to get Paul and Destine’ to look at him but they would not even go into the room.

He looked so handsome.  His hair was white as snow and he had on a light blue suit, which brought out his skin tone.  He looked more like Daddy compared to what he looked like lying there in that nursing home.  When we left the gravesite the radio was playing, “Go Rest High on that Mountain”, every time I hear that song, I remember that day and have to stop and wipe my eyes.  Working in a nursing home I take care of people with the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s disease.  I use my experience with my father, to help me deal with my patients, who have Alzheimer’s. I hope my father’s experience has helped you understand Alzheimer’s disease a little better.