you

As I sit here listening to music
our old song comes on and flows through my mind
I start to think about all the times we had
the time we kissed under the mistletoe
when we went skinny dipping in the ocean

as the tears begin to roll down my cheeks
I think back to our first argument
and how I knew I would never love someone the way I love you
but I remember how I pushed you even though I knew
how much pain it caused you

as I stand here in this field
listening to our song blaring from my truck
I look into the sky screaming why
it should have been me, not you
the tears begin flowing out of my eyes

I keep yelling its my fault
I remember sitting in the house
waiting for you to walk in the door
but when you didn’t and
my heart broke into a million pieces

then I would hope that maybe when I fall asleep
you would quietly slip into my arms
but when I woke up alone
I would sit there crying because I knew
that I would never hold you again

I sleep with your picture next to me
when I get lonely I spray your perfume
to get the feeling of you in the house
within my grasp and I get taken back

to that place of perfect harmony
when I got to hold you in my arms
I’m on my hands and knees
shouting I cant go on anymore
I cant accept the fact that the past is only memories now
I will never be able to find the courage
to ever love again
I imagine kissing you in my truck

as our song comes to an end
I wipe the tears off my face
fighting back the urge to breakdown again
as I look into the sky
the rain begins to come down
and I know your watching me
I know in my heart ill see you again
but no matter how hard I try
the tears find a crack and seep through
as I stand here thinking about you