My Monster

A yearning, an ache
It's a wild and crazy rush
It's tolerable, for this second
Never comfortable, not even for a
moment

A continuous cycle
Will I always be caught in it's grasp?
Traveling the circuit forever and a day
Through the thin and the oh so inviting
thickness

The monster in my head screams to be let out
But I keep the key hidden
From him, but even more so from myself
Because somehow I always find a way to let him simply
escape

It roars through my body and smashes around in my head
Tormenting my thoughts and clouding my brain
Everyday is different. Should they be the same?
Is it so sick to have a monster in my
brain?

Who is he, this infuriating man?
What is he? Does he know he's on my land?
This used to be my home, my turf, my place to get away
Yet now it is invaded, but I don't dare to even tell
you

You think it's some clinical, solvable case
Some little scratch on my record
Saying you know and want to help
Giving ideas and trying to comfort while my beast is asleep
Sadly, it won't stop him from hearing

I don't want ideas
Nothing said can comfort
I was able to bury the monster last time
Wasn't that enough? Weren't you proud?
Or was that just a facade?

This isn't a disease, this isn't a disorder.
This isn't something to cure from the outside
I don't have a problem, although sometimes I feel I do
It's a choice like anything else
And this one is mine to make

I've decided
I will stop this
I will get rid of the monster
Just you wait and see
You'll be proud of me once more