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Rated: E · Other · Friendship · #1668784
today I choose to be forgive, today I choose to be free
Today I finally had a chance to tell K to stop treating me that way,
stop giving me harsh remarks,
stop treating me mean,
stop being rude to me,
stop being cold to me.

She replied, "I'm like this to everyone !"
"Is that fair to me ?", I asked.
She didn't or maybe couldn't reply. She also looked a little confused.
I repeated my question again and again, "Is it fair to me?", "is it fair to me ?", with crescendo until it raised to a level of shouting.

She cried then. Tears poured out from her tear ducts and went down her red cheeks. She hide her face with her thin long palms.
I looked down, feeling embarrassed for my behaviour, but another half of me felt as though she deserved to get a taste of her own medicine.
then took another look at her.
I repeated my question softly this time.
she replied, "I'm like that to everyone".
I guess she didn't an yes or no answer for me. Seems like, I just had to accept that as an answer NOW.

All this time, I thought she was rude to me, and was mean to me. Especially to me.
I thought she only sprinkled extra chili powder into my bowl of soup.
That's her character. And she thought she could speak that way to me because she thought I could accept her speaking to me that way, since she has been doing that to me for all this time. I know deep down part of her didn't care if it hurt me. But a part of truth was she just didn't bother to change herself. She just depended on everyone else to tolerate her, to accept her. I can understand her now. It is far much easier to do that than to be reflective of yourself all the time.

I can understand. But I cannot accept that kind of act.

Today I didn't just tell her that she was rude. I told her to stop being that way to me. I understand that she cannot change her ways as that's how she is. I told her, I don't need her apology, I don't need her to be extra nice to me, just be fairly nice enough to me. That's all I ask for.

I thought she was talking bad about me the other day as I watched her secretly whisper into a friend's ear.
Turns out, it's a misunderstanding, and I was being sensitive.
Truth was, she was praising me. In delight, my eyebrows took a shift upwards.
Part of me was happy that I had mistaken her. Part of me was upset that that was the truth because I have now become the sensitive drama queen.

then again, my friends were right, I'm sensitive and I think too much.
Perhaps, it's time for me to let go now.
She was wrong, she did not treat me fairly,
But today, I understand, I'm wiser, and I'm more patient.
Only I am capable of playing the tolerating role in this relationship.
She's just lacks that capability. Or maybe she just doesn't care.

She isn't as mean as before.
But her behaviour constantly reminded me of her mean acts to me years ago.

Today, I choose not to think about it anymore
Today, I choose to forgive her.
Not because she has finally changed her mischief, but for me to move on.
Today, I choose to let go.
Today, I choose to cry out all the tears I held within myself
Today, I choose not to care anymore.
Today, I choose to just be me.
Today, I choose not to be angry anymore.
Today, I choose to be free.
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