This Is Us.

        Hemakes me want to dance around and hop on my bad knee.  For so long I thought that he didn’t care about me in any way, but that was mostly due to hurt feelings and lies spread by others.  I forget the feeling of his kiss and how my hands tingle and I lose my breath.  I forget how I forget that my knee hurts when he’s around and looking at me, or touching me.  I forget that I nervously shiver after long periods when he isn’t around then is suddenly in my street.  I forget.  I hate that I do, but it’s inevitable I guess. 
This is us.  On and off again.  This is us, no matter what my friends say.  And to be honest, I kind of like it.  Granted I don’t like the off part as much as the on part, but I like how everything is easy.  Everything is just natural.  He makes my heart skip and my stomach flip in good ways, like it was part of the circus, which I don’t think I’d be a fan of.  No matter what happened before, in time we are able to just be us.  He wants me, I want him.  It’s animalistic.  Like Fate is pushing us together.  That seems a bit much, but that’s how I feel.  I feel as though we were meant to meet and we were meant to do...whatever it is that we do. 
         Its almost I knew him in a different life. 
         The first time I saw him, I just had to say hello.  I had to talk to him, I had to do something, anything so that he’d notice me, and we’d start talking.  I felt this instant connection with him.  One I hope and pray will last forever.  When he’s around night turns to day, and everything is clear.  All my doubts are erased, and hope is able to shine as brightly as she is suppose to.  He makes me so happy, and so miserable, but in that misery, I find happiness.  I don’t know why, but I do.  He evokes such strong emotions and ideas, and feelings I thought I had forgotten.  Most of them are indescribable. 
         I love his smell, his eyes, his cute little turned up nose.  I love how he holds me, and squeezes me so tight I feel as if I will burst.  I love how his hands feel on my skin and how we fit together.  I love how short he is, even if at time I feel giant.  I love his lip ring and head on my chest.  I love how he looks at my eyes when he talks to me.  I love that we can just talk and there is not a drop of sexual tension.  I love how we don’t have to kiss, but we almost always do.  I love how he kisses my skin…how his lips seem to gently caress my skin.  I love his face hairs.  I love his laugh and smile, and nervous babbalings.  I love how he notices things about me without me having to ask him if he notices anything new.  I love how perceptive he is.  I love how mean he is, then turns around and is the nicest guy I know.  I love how he makes me feel and how we always, always have a good time.  I even love how I feel hungry after he kisses me.  There are so many more things, too many to list. 
         I don’t know if this is the real deal, or if it’ll last this time or not.  I don’t know if he feels the same way or if he thinks about me as much as I think about him.  I don’t know if I should keep investing myself into this broken relationship, that sometimes resembles a friends with benefits situation.  All I know is that I can’t help feeling how I do.  I know that I can’t not be in his life, even as a friend, whom he doesn’t kiss, I just have to be in his life.  I know that he makes me feel things that are so real, and impossible.  I know that when its just us, I have to touch him, I have to make sure he’s real.  So many times I’ve dreamt of him being somewhere with me, that when we really are together, I have to make sure I’m not dreaming.  I know that I feel like I’m in some sort of haze, but a clear haze.  This haze only affects my thoughts. I know that when he’s around I feel like an idiot for some of the things I say.  But I don’t mind, which is odd.  I know that I love his kiss and how he holds me.  I know the things that are important.  But the things I need to know…no clue.