The Girl Who Couldn't

"If I could only be a fly on the wall....." Popular words in some circles about the amusing voyeurisms of humanity as they spy on others' secret lives. I personally guarantee that if they heard my voice (as I am an undecover singer), that fly would drop dead on the spot at the sound of my groaning, or, that is, singing..

When I was a child, I was a member of the chorus and sang songs such as "The Teddy Bears Picnic" and "Fifty Nifty United States" and I sang rather well. Alas, I hit puberty and became completely tone deaf. It seems that no matter what the key is, I can accompany the tune in a perfect H-flat scale.

It is not that I don't enjoy singing, for truly, there is no single person that gets more enjoyment out of singing and dancing and smiling and recollecting the tunes of days gone by. It is simply that my audience, is to be pitied as I see the look of pain as I crackle out even a single note.

Funnily enough, as I gather with my friends, some of them being singers and musicians, they constantly encourage me to join the gang with a sing-along or karaoke tune. I try to warn them of the danger that they might incur along the way, but they seem to ignore the warning signs and proceed ahead despite my words of caution. Finally, one brave soul manages to beckon me to join in and puffs out his or her chest in pride. Surely, they think, no one could possibly be that bad.

I compromise and agree to sing one line. No matter what the line, I am able to hit notes that were never included in the realm of musical comprehension. One line is all it takes for me to encourage my audience that I can in fact NOT sing. With hands over ears, they exclaim, "OK. I believe you. Please sit down."

So, I remain an undercover singer behind the doors of my home. I sing, I dance, I llaugh to the nobodys that surround me. Bless the poor soul that happens upon me accidently though, for he will get a bit more than he bargained for.