Letting- it- flow.

I have concluded that I need some discipline in my life.  I need something that is going to get me started on what I need to say on paper.  First, I need to see what I'm going to write about.  I have all these ideas that seem great at the time, but then wither away like my discipline and my inspiration.  Another factor that hinders me from getting started on my project, is the art of writing itself.  I hate the way I write, but I love writing.  I know that I am destined to be a writer, it's an innate skill that I know I have.  Wr-iting to me is like the insulin I take to live- I would die without it.  Writing has the same sentiment and purpose.  I hate not being able to flow.  Right now- I'm flowing.  I want the words that I need - to just come puring down like water from a faucet.  I need for those words to come out and lay themselves on paper.  That to me will be the demon being released from within me.  I need to exhale.  Right now, I have all these feelings bottled up inside of me; they need to become something or someone on parchment.  There are times that I see myself typing away at the computer, content on what i've written, but when I actually sit and start typing at the keys, I go blank; not as much as going blank- it's more like having my thoughts everywhere.  I am all over- no structure- and I hate it.  I know that I will make this happen~ writing is what I do, it is mine- my gift.  Whatever was taken away from me during my childhood, was given back to me in a gift called writing; writing to me is like dreaming, only i create and control it- like a daydream.  Yes, I do have my moments when I just don't flow; that is when I am being distracted with the every day hustle and bustle or as I like to call, " bullshit ".  Right now, I have what I like to call, " writers high".  I don't know how runners feel when they get their high, but right now I am feeling awesome.  Not because I like getting high ( I do by the way, but on weed) and enjoy the feeling, but because this is something like it, but in a different way.  It feels like I just took my clothes off in front of a man that I have been lusting for, but have been unable to see until now.  It feels like an ogasm of some sort, a release.  Right now, I feel like I just exhaled what I have been holding back and it feels awesome!