oh mother dearest

Mom , im so angry , im taking it out on you . everytime i tell you how upset i am , and life isn't the same, you abandon me with your words. you tell me to see a phschiatrst. you tell me i need some other help that you just cant give me.

i vision of what my pshychatrist will say . she tells me to rid my bad firneds. i need to do this. i have two friends right now , that i hate so much . i hate them , and i dont know what else to do , they upset me to the point that they make me blow up on you .


so maybe if you want to blame someone , it shouldnt be yourself , maybe it should be them . but most definently not me. but im still sorry , dont kill the messenger mom . you just booked an over thing , where they ask me a million questions and look at me like im an alien . i hate that , they judge me , and sit there in dead silence, to make more cash .

im going ot go , and its going to be like every other time. none of them have ever worked out , i dont understand why you would coninue to make me go.

i felt mean today . someone told me i was mean , so i overlooked everything i said this past week , and realized i wasn't so nice afterall . im actually pretty horrible . but why do i have friends? i couldn't tell you . i really dont know why i have friends. maybe they just think im funny , or fun to be aorund . but you know what mom ? you've never let me down , whenever i've lied to them .


i never understood why i thought it was necessary to lie to my firneds. but i know they just wouldnt understand. i cant be quiet aorund them , they'll know something is wrong. i cant be too annoying , they wont ask me to hangout again . its so hard to be myself . i dont mind it , but it's hard.