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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1760714-The-Panel
by ghoti
Rated: 13+ · Essay · Comedy · #1760714
In a nutshell, it's a discussion of how American politicians get into office.
              “And, welcome back to The Panel, America - a place to go to hear debate from experts from both sides of topics that affect you,” says the handsome man with the too-large grin.  The camera focuses on him and a television screen with a riot raging behind him.  “Today, we are met by the show’s very good friend, Reverend James Brochard – Pastor of the First Baptist Church in Houston, Texas.  Welcome back to the show Rev. Brochard." The camera pans out to include an elderly man in a suit sitting across the desk. 

         “Howdy.  Thanks fer having me back, Jim,”  says the Reverend who has glasses underneath snow-white bushy eyebrows.  The host and the Reverend share a handshake and warm smiles.

         “A pleasure as always.”  Jim’s smile suddenly turns serious.  “And, we are also met today by political analyst from the Huffington’s Post, Dr. Patrick Dumass.”

         “Actually, it’s Dumoss.”  The camera turns to acknowledge a younger looking man that is also in a suit.  Pat’s eyebrows rise slightly.  His smile - unsure.  “How can you even confuse my name for ‘Dumass’?”  Pat offers his hand, but the other two respond as if his hand is diseased.

         “Oh, I’m terribly sorry about that, Pat.  Someone in the back must’ve goofed on my notes.”  Jim’s smile grows as Pat slowly retracts his hand.  You can tell that Pat is wondering if coming to the show was such a great idea.

         “You haven’t even looked at your notes,” mutters Pat.

         “So Rev. Brochard, what do you think about the black-horse candidate for the Senate from Oklahoma – Jeffery Courts?  He is a democrat voicing the message of change, but haven’t we heard this same exact message from the democrats just two years ago?”

         The kind fatherly smile that graced the reverend’s face immediately turns into a scowl that he must use when he preaches to his parish, “It’s absolutely the same rhetoric that those liberals have been hollering about.  I don’t think he is any different than any other Democrat.”

         Pat leans across the desk, “If I may, he promises to do 80% of his campaigning through the internet which will eliminate the need to collect money from supporters AND –“

         “Mr. Dumass, please!  The good Reverend was making a point.”  Pat sits back into his seat beat, but not defeated.  “Please continue, Reverend.”

         “As I was saying,” the Reverend glares at Pat before continuing,” this Jeff-guy is going to bring about as much change as the next democrat that is a great-big-o ZERO!  And, does anyone know what his politics are?  I haven’t seen not one of his commercials.  Now, I’m not fer certain, but I think that he is trying to hide something!”

         Pat opens his mouth as if to say something, but Jim beats him to the punch, “You heard it here folks!  Senator Candidate Jeffery Courts is hiding something from you, America!”

  “He probably wants to start death panels or raise our taxes,”  mentions James.

         “Do you know how ridiculous that is?”  yells Pat.

         The other two quietly regard Pat for disturbing the decorum of the debate.  Pat rolls his eyes as Jim chastises, “Sir, please.  There’s no reason to yell.  Please get a hold of yourself, or I’ll have to ask you to leave.” 

         “Sorry.  It’s just difficult to get two words edge-wise with the two of you tuning me out.”

         Jim crosses his arms in front of his chest, “Okay, here’s your moment.  You’ve got something to say, say it.”  On the television in the background, you see a line of police officers trying to hold back the rioters.  The situation is at a stalemate with the rioters lobbing rocks over the police’s riot shields.

         Pat glances between Jim and James to see if his moment really came.  James is clearly not happy to hear whatever Pat has to say.  “Well, Mr. Courts isn’t trying to hide anything.  He does once a week podcasts.  You can find them on the internet."  He turns to regard James, “You spoke that he is like every other Democrat, but you’re wrong.  Just how he is running is going to revolutionize the election process.  Traditionally, politicians have to spend huge sums of money to get their ads on air.  They don’t have the money so they have to get it from somewhere else.  That means if they want to get elected, they have to make agreements with lobbyists.  Imagine a politician that gets elected and doesn’t owe allegiance to lobbyists!  They would be free to vote based on their reasoning and integrity.  And, that can be achieved through internet campaigning.  I think that we are all going to see more campaigns like this, so win or lose he already has made a change.”  The faces on the two listeners are look as if they smelled something foul.

         “You spoke about his politics, if you watched any of his podcasts; you would know that he is not for any of those things.  One of the things he talks about is limiting Congress’ ability to extend copyrights.”  The other two erupt like volcanoes.  Despite the use of gas and rubber bullets, the rioters on the television close the distance to the line of police.

         Jim was the first to calm down enough to be coherent, “So this guy wants to take away copyrights?  Let me get this right, he actually advocates piracy?” Pat tried to talk, but was bulldozed by Jim, “No, Pat, I think that I do have it right.  He wants people to work hard just so some Johnny-Come-Lately can walk up and steal his work?  Rob him of finances that rightfully belong to him and his family!  Usually, if someone makes me this angry, I label them a Nazis, but this is far beyond anger.  There isn’t a word for what I’m feeling now, and I can’t think of a word that I can use to label this Jeffery Courts.”

         “He is a damn ANARCHIST!”  The Reverend’s face is beet red.

         “Yes, that’s exactly what this guy is!  America, a vote for Jeffery Courts is a vote for anarchy!”

         “He wants to shrink the power of the government.  You’re a Republican.  That should be right up your alley!  Just watch one of his podcasts -  “

         “I refuse to support an anarchist by watching his online propaganda, and I whole-heartedly discourage my viewers to.  What are your thoughts, Reverend?”  The Reverend is too upset to talk, and just nods his approval.

         “Why are you reacting like this?  Earlier this week, when you had Republican Senator Candidate Chance Gorham, you commended him on his stance to take away Congress’s ability to extend copyrights,”  pleads Pat.

         “First off, don’t put Courts in the same box as the Honorable Senator Candidate Chance Gorham.  Secondly, it’s obvious to me that your candidate simply wants to ride on the coat-tails of Mr. Gorham,“ rebuttals Jim.

         “You do realize that you really didn’t respond to my point.”

         Jim turns to the camera with his hand to his ear and says, “I’m being told that we’ve got a caller, Meg Steiner, from Pennsylvania, you’re on the air.” 

         “Oh my God.  Am I really on air?” squeals a woman’s voice.

         “Yes ma’am, you sure are.  Now – “ Jim is cut off by Meg.

         “Hey Mom!  Check me out on the tube!  I’m famous!” 

         “Meg.  Come on.  Stay with me, Meg.  Focus.” Meg’s giggling subsides, “  Now, what do you feel about this whole internet campaign situation?”

         “Oh heck, I don’t know anything about that.  I guess that you summed it up when you called that Lefty-Liberal a Anarchist.  Oh, that was so funny!  Anarchist!  I love you Reverend!”

         Reverend Brochard beams at the compliment, “Thank ya very kindly, Meg.” 

         “Well, thank you very much, Meg.  You have a good day.”

         “You too!  WOOH!”  yelled Meg before she was soundly cut off.

         Jim turns to face his two guests across the desk, “You see, the American people have spoken.”

         Pat crosses his arms and rolls his eyes, “I hardly think that the opinion of one person constitutes the thought of the entire American population.”

         “It might not reflect the liberal-minority point of view, but it sure as shootin’ is shared by the true blue-bloodied Americans!”  seethed the Reverend.

         “You can’t be serious.”

         “I’m a Reverend.  I’m always serious!  And, right now, I’m serious like a snake-bite!”  The Reverend stands up and starts to take off his coat.

         “I think that we’re getting off track.  Mr. Courts vows to bring an end to government corruption, and it’s not another hollow promise.  His actions that he is doing before he gets into office engender this – “

         “Anarchist!”  James bellows in Pat’s face.  The rioters on the screen break through the line and overwhelm the police.

         Pat and James devolve to shouting at each other while Jim turns to the camera, “Well, that’s all the time we have today.  I would like to thank my guests – Reverend James Brochard and Mr. Pat Dumass.”  Somehow, in midst of the chaos across the desk, Jim manages a grin - a very sincere looking grin. 

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