Thank You for Choosing Me

I never believed that an angel so divine would really even think about being with someone like me (I still pinch myself sometimes to make sure it all isn't a dream). Hell, I still remember the first session with the final years and how Casanova got a message from Uglima about you finding me "really cute". I thought it was all a nice little joke and we all laughed it off. But then during the session, Saheer comes over to me and tells me to stand in front of you and barks, "Oy! This girl has a crush on you! What do you have to say about that!?" I really wanted to reply, "Oh sir! Not you too!", but then I just mumbled, "Ok sir" and left it at that. Then he went on about how I disrespected your feelings and don't know how to treat girls. All I could think about was how embarrassing it would have been for you to stand in front of all those people and get grilled about some fact that wasn't even true in the first place!

It was the next day that really baffled me the most! You enter the studio in that pure white salwar and those red pajamas, with your bronze countenance sculpted to perfection, the puppy dog eyes, those curly locks falling across your face and that resplendent smile, with all the restrained grace only the most perfect woman can possess. And that got me thinking, "gosh, if only that whole crush thing weren't a joke" and I come over to you , laugh and give you a hi-five saying something about these things happening to people, and that you really needn't bother. Then, I remember the three of us talking- it was you, myself and Natulek and he suddenly turns to me and he says, "Do you know that she has a crush on you?" to which I was about to answer something in my trademark sarcastic manner and then the baffling part of the day presents itself when you reply, "Yeah man! He already knows I have a crush on him! Are you happy now?"

That was the moment you entered my mind and heart. For several days I lay awake and I wondered as to why you were bent on keeping up with this joke. I was in severe denial because of many things. Low self-esteem mainly. I always thought that nice guys never do attract anyone, only the jerks do so. And what was so attractive about me anyways? My face was pock marked, I dressed like a nerd, I wore glasses like a nerd and I never did talk to you much in the beginning anyways. Besides, a beautiful girl like you would definitely deserve a handsome, strong man in return. So why was fate playing around with you and me like this!?

But then I decided to let it be, for the days you laughed with nothing but pure joy were the brightest I ever remember. The days where even the smallest thing knit your brows together were the most somber. I still remember the day you had to meet the head of department after the history exam, and you came out with tear drops in your eyes, sparkling like the most finely cut diamonds on the face of this earth. That was when I felt like I failed the purpose of my life. And that each little tear drop that fell onto the ground stabbed my heart leaving a wringing pain behind.

The moments in which I was in your company were the most magical. Everyone keeps teasing you and Nit-face about the "Walk to Remember". Well, that always brought back memories of the first time I walked with you across the Y-point to the department, we sat down on that little slab next to the department and you went on about every little thing while I kept on listening. There was this one point when you asked me about the crushes I ever had. I told you, truthfully. And then you asked me if I ever liked anyone in the college. Your face was lit up with so much of hope and expectation and oh, that smile! Sorry to have let you down like that. Twice. That was the first thing I ever regret not saying. The other thing I regret not doing that day was asking you out, in front of the director's bungalow, with all those crumpled up leaves under our feet, a cool wind blowing about and the moonlight lighting up the place. I knew I had my second chance of the day when you went on about how you liked about places like the ones we were standing in. That sure was a bitter sweet day for me.

The one thing that defines you more than anything else is, well, your never ending
Stream of chatter. Don't get me wrong, I find this the most adorable thing about you (although it does test my listening skills to the limit sometimes). I use this trait as an indicator about your general mood. When the world aligns with your wishes, the mouth never stops flapping. And when things are a bit on the rough edge, I can recognize only a trace of the smallest line between your nose and your chin, not even uttering a single syllable.

As far as I can remember, my most pleasant memories of the second semester were all those late night texts and calls. Time seems to fly by in a flash when we were on the phone. The one thing I hated was, well, the end of it and how quickly it came. That was when you had to go for roll call, or mess duty, or had to be somewhere else or when your mother was going to call or had to go to sleep. The times when I wished we could talk for just a while more are just innumerable. You do get what you wish for though. It just happened last month when I got a text from you and I was working for the photographer's final thesis review. A lot of things happened that day. Do you remember that a while before that you were texting Nit-face? Yeah, I know. I was with him that night, taking care of him and the fan. They were totally incapacitated. Hell, he was too drunk to even type in that last message of his. I took his phone and typed down the message he sent you before he headed for home the next day. Man, does he love you silly. Can't really blame him though. I expected it to be the end of talking to you (well, even indirectly at least) and then you text me. You slept off when I replied and then I said that maybe you should get some sleep instead of texting me. And behold! You actually call me! We spend a lot of time on the phone that night. Time enough for me to realize that my wish was finally fulfilled. You should see the smile on my face with which I went off to bed at five in the morning, fifteen minutes after we last talked. During those fifteen minutes, I spent gathering everything that you possibly said to me and carefully stored it away in some part of mind, rather very involuntarily. It seemed more important to know what exactly it was about your brother that you were worried about, or how you don't really tell people to their face when they did something you disapprove of or how you find your friends in Dubai to be more, distant than what were the definitions of a window jamb, or the history of Mughal Architecture or what was the difference between Impressionist and Post-Impressionist paintings. I felt as if I had suddenly found fragments to solving the mysteries of the Universe. That seemed well in place – considering that you’re my whole universe now.

I guess that a thousand and four hundred words are more than enough to tell you how much I care about you and well, to thank you. Thank you for what you might ask? I thank you for letting me know how it feels like to fall "head over heels, crazy tony hawk stunt gone wrong type" in love with someone. I thank you for giving me a reason to live, feel alive, rather than just merely exist. I thank you for lighting up my world with the light of a thousand brilliant suns the moment I got to know of your existence.

Gary Lightbody of Snow Patrol just stole the words from my mouth when he sang the lines below from the song Star fighter Pilot,

"…I would raise my drink to you,
But I'd stay sober, JUST for you…"

Thank you… for choosing me.