Untitled Poem

10

'i'm not coming'

how quickly a night can turn
from ok
to suicicidal

the unspoken undertones
unnecesary to say

'i'm not coming'
really means
'this is over'

how quickly a night can turn
sour

'what about the band?'
'what about the vacation?'
'what about the success we were offered?'
'what about the things that i offered?'

how quickly you can leave it all behind
how guiltlessly you can abandon me

1025

phones can make calls on their own
when the voice knows they'll regret ever making them

11

'institutionalize me, please'

how quickly a night can turn
from suicidal
to a mad display of feigned theatrics

to a panel of judges that have raised you believing
'we'll always be there'

'theres nothing for me here!'
'but that takes money and none of us have it'

fists fly at faces uninvolved

unprovoking never seemed so provoking
sympathetic eyes have never looked so accusing

doors can slam
keys can turn
people can change

how quickly a night can turn
from a mad display of feigned theatrics
to bitter sadness

crying in your room
needle in your arm
you haven't done this since your mother died

does it feel as good as you'd hope?

12

'heres a suggestion...
just fucking hang yourself'

how quickly a night can turn
from tear stained sheets
with unbecoming euphoria
to highbeamed visions on the highway

to finding that car where you prayed that you wouldn't
to bleeding lips
and a missing tooth
on the man with the name that you've been called
more times than you can count.

you scratch out a note

'i hope he makes you scream'

you revel in your wit
your pun
your attempt at emotional ambiguity

1230

how quickly a canvas is splattered with paints
and ideas are obstructed
blocked by the section of blue
i hope it reminds you of me

blue

i should be a pro at this now
its been thirteen years since my first heartbreak

how quickly a notebook is burned in a fire
and ideas are destroyed
cindering in dancing yellows and reds
i hope it remind you of me

yellow

its been seventeen years since i first held my tongue

red

its been four years since i first bled for you
do you remember?

how quickly a bag can be packed in a car
and a person is gone
remembered only by... who?
i hope something reminds you of me

shampoo

i probably forget it,
(i always did)
tomorrow morning, or the next, or the next
will you be in the shower
and see it
and remember that i was?

the princess bride

i bet i left it in the dvd player
someday will the man whose name i bore come over
and watch it?
will he qoute it
and think he's clever?

i did

'this is true love
do you think this happens every day?'

i did

how quickly a car can be started and gone
with a final goodbye
contained in a glance at the mirror
i wonder what you'll tell the neighbors

'oh, it didn't work out'

'oh, our interests just didn't match'

how quickly i can abandon you
while i curse my self for the very same
indiscretions