It was only a school report

Okay, here’s what started all the trouble and why no one is allowed to come to my house to play anymore until I’m 30 or until my Mom quits being so mad. I had to give an oral report at school on my family. Who knew no one else’s family was as interesting as mine, heck, even I didn’t know we were interesting. So when Miss Gomez called on me, I stood up and read my report:


My family is Mexican, well at least the part I spend most of my time with. That’s my Mom’s side of the family. My name is Kate, yeah, I know, not very Mexican sounding. My dad is Irish and he says that he fell in love with my mom the first time he saw her. She was working in a booth at the fair with her sisters, making and selling fresh tortillas and roasted corn with lime and queso and she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen in his whole life. My mom says that he was just hungry and she gave him an extra tortilla with his corn. I don’t know for sure because then they get really mushy and start making kissy face – yuck! My Tio Juan smiles a little sad smile when I do this and tells me that one day I will see how romantic it is and I’ll be looking for my own true love – double – triple yuck! My Tio Joe cracks up and pulls my hair while making kissing noises, sheesh , he can be such a dork, even if he is the coolest dude on the planet.

Let me tell you about my Tio Joe. Tio Joe is so cool. He always listens to us kids and tells the neatest and scariest stories about his secret agent job. We aren’t allowed to tell any of the grown ups about this stuff ‘cause Tio Joe says it will bring danger to our families and to him. Tio Joe always wears sunglasses even at night. I don’t know how he sees very much at night with them on, but I’m guessing it is part of his secret agent training and to disguise him from the enemy. My mom gets pretty mad when we come back from Abuelita’s house because she’s says after spending time with my Tio Joe we act like heathens. I don’t know for sure what a heathen is, but I don’t think I am one. My brother Geordie and I are just trying to be cool like Tio Joe. Tio Joe takes us for rides in his Jeep. It is so cool to ride in a car with no doors or windows, Mom makes sure that we have seat belts on and she gives Tio Joe a lot of warnings about what will happen to him if any of us gets hurt. He has a room over the garage and it has it’s own little kitchen and bathroom. He says he has to stay where he can keep guard over Abuelita. All of my cousins, Geordie and me like to hang with Tio Joe in his pad, which is what he calls his apartment.

My Mom has 2 brothers, Tio Joe and Tio Juan and she has 4 sisters, Tia Elisia, Tia Helena, Tia Rosa and Tia Bettina. All my Tias have kids of their own except Tia Betty cause she the baby of the family and hasn’t met her someone special. Again, yuck!
My Tio Juan has his own house a couple streets over from Abuelita’s house, but their backyards touch. You can see her backyard from Tio Juan’s deck. Sometimes we go between the 2 houses from the gate Tio Juan put in his back fence. Tio Juan is so nice but he has all these rules and stuff so he’s not cool like Tio Joe. Tio Juan is quieter and he reads a lot. He takes my Abuelita to mass every morning and twice on Sundays. She likes the Latin mass which Our Lady does only for the early morning masses. Then she likes to go the Spanish mass at 11. Tio Juan drives her to the church for 7am and picks her up at a little before 8 to bring her home. She cooks a pretty big breakfast for anyone who is there and then after eating Tio Juan takes her back to church. Tio Joe brings her home at noon. My Tias are already starting to fix the big family meal when Abuelita gets home

I really love the way my Abuelita’s house smells on Sundays. The beans cooking on the stove and the fresh cut lemon, crushed cilantro and roasting chilies, they all combine to make this really, really good smell that just makes me, well, it makes me happy. We go to my Abuelita’s house every Sunday after mass. Abuelita has always lived in the same house for as long as I can remember, so for at least 11 years. Mom says it has actually been since Abuelita and Abuelo came to the USA, 40 years ago. My Abuelita along with my Mom and my Tias makes a big dinner for everyone in the family. The kitchen gets so loud with all their laughing, yelling, telling stories to each other about their families and jobs. They are always trying to get me to come help and learn how to cook traditional food, but I’d just want to hang out with my Tio Joe. He is a lot more interesting than learning how to make tortillas and frijoles.