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Rated: 13+ · Short Story · Comedy · #1858903
Let's keep it real.

        Yes. There are exterrestrials living amongst us.
    They are microorganisms that fall through the ozone in cosmic dust.
    This is known as cosmic seeding or solar evolution.
    Particle waves of rapid pulses pass through us daily.
    These particles can enhance the cosmic organism that are present
    in our atmosphere and on and in our bodies.


    Little did Johny Daggett know that cosmic forces had converged within him.
    "I'm going to Sonic mom!" he screeched in his pubescent voice.
    "All right. Just don't come in when the red porch light is on." his mom replied.
    Johny's mom put the red porch light on when she was entertaining a man.
    She made good money as an erotic entertainer; $200 to $500 dollars a date.
    Johny never liked it. His dad had died in a automatic folding bed accident.
    The kids at FU-PS69 ridiculed him mercilessly.

    But, Sonic was a cool hangout. 

    "Hey! It's the sandwich Queen!" Scutch shouted as Johny walked into Sonic.
    Johny waved his middle finger and order a Torpedo.
    Scutch walked over with his buddies ready to start trouble.
    "You should apologize." Scutch sneered.
    Johny turned around and sneered back, "You should shut the fuck up."
    "Hey! I don't want any fighting in my restaurant." the manager said, holding a
    baseball bat.
    Johny paid for his Torpedo and sat with his best girl Larissa.
    Larissa was pregnant; possibly with Johny's kid.

    Scutch and his buddies settled down in a booth across the checkered floor
    from Johny and his girl.
    "Geeze. Johny cool down. You've had too many assault charges.
    The cops are gonna lock you up for life." Larissa turned Johny's gaze from
    Scutch.
    "Life is cheep." Johny sneered at Scutch and took a bite out of his Torpedo.
    "Think about my bun. Huh? Who's gonna take care of me?" Larissa picked
    out a piece of Johny's sub.
    Johny felt a shutter in his spine. He never got scared.
    Scutch and his buddies exploded, like melons.
    Larissa screamed. Johny laughed.
    "Holy crap!" the manager called the police.

    "Let's split." Johny said calmly and took his girl by the arm.
    Larissa was crying and trembling .. Her face was splattered with Scutch's blood.
    "Hey. It must have been an act of God." Johny remarked as he wiped her face
    with a napkin.
    Larissa clung to him. "Easy-easy. You'll crush my Torpedo." Johny said and
    took another bite.
    Johny peeled out of the restaurant in his Corvette.
    "You know it's times like this; I thank God for dusting off my enemies."
    Johny flicked the Jesus bobble head on his dash board.
    Larissa blessed herself with the sign of the cross. Her eyes were like saucers.

    "Hey. I'm gonna get some cash at the 7/11." Johny spun his Corvette backwards
    into a space .. He went to the ATM and put his card in.

                      All the cash in the ATM spilled out.

    Larissa jumped from the car with some empty Wal-mart bags and stuffed them
    with the cash spewing out. Johny Dagget was a winner. He stuffed his pants with
    bills. "Okay! Shit on a cracker!" Johny floored it out of the 7/11 and lit up a joint of
    marijuana and handed it to his girl.

                    "Maybe we should buy a lottery ticket?" Larissa giggled as she
                    counted the cash in the car.

    "Sure." Johny did a 180 and pulled into the Liquor Store.
    "Sorry. You have to be 18 to play the lottery." the clerk said.
    Johny nodded and walked out with a 12 pack of Miller Beer.
    "He lets you buy beer. But, he won't do a quick pick?" Larissa jaw dropped.
    "Yeah. I guess it's a Federal offense." Johny slurped his beer as they
    drove back to his house... The red light was on.

    "Oh, Johny." Larissa put her hand on his crotch and rubbed gently.
    "Moms working overtime. Okay, a motel should be in our budget."
    Johny spun the Corvette around to Spinney's Hotel.
    Larissa got naked and rolled around on the cash on the hotel bed.
    "I love you. Let's get married." Johny said and felt that tingle in his spine
    again.
    He exploded all over the room like a melon.
    Larissa screamed. She was covered in blood and bony pieces of Johny.
   
    After a shower .. She gathered up the cash and drove home.
    Her mom and dad were worried why she'd stayed out so late.
    "I was just hanging out at Sonics." she said ..
    The following day Larissa opened a $50,000. account with the Virgin Marry Credit
    Union. Her baby would by taken care of; thanks to Johny.


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