Limericks Mark V

WITH FRIENDS LIKE THIS …



"This hairstyle is simply not right.

I really do feel such a sight."

"Oh nonsense, my dear

you’ve nothing to fear

I’ll make sure they turn out the light.."



ENTRY FOR POND POETRY ROUND 48



In summer we play in the sun

Lots of games and there’s plenty of fun

We’ve been having a ball

But we’ve just gone through fall.

In Australia, winter’s begun.



THE NIGHT SKY



Our fault’s in ourselves, not our stars.

Don’t blame it on Venus and Mars.

They’re planets, you fool.

Where did you go to school?

Has your brain been locked up behind bars?



BAGPIPES



I’ve been playing the bagpipes for years,

and driven the neighbours to tears.

They’ve begged and they’ve pleaded

‘til at last I conceded

that I’d buy great big muffs for their ears.



REACTION



"Becoming a monk isn’t cool.

No women or booze, that’s the rule."

"I know, Dad, I know

But I do love her so

and she’s making me feel such a fool."



PLUMBING



There’s a very bad smell from the drain.

I don’t think it’s due to the rain

It needs a good flush

not just with a brush.

One more time, try explosives again.



DEATH AND TAXES



There’s only two sure things today.

Death and taxes – we all have to pay

Excepting my mother,

the Queen and one other

who that is, I’m not going to say.



INSULTS



"Now good little boys and girls care

You really must learn how to share."

"Oh give it a rest.

My daddy knows best

He says you’re a dingbat, so there."