Neuroses

-Neuroses-
Mad-Song Stanza
by
Keaton Foster



Good Intentions

         Each day I awake, most willingly
                   Each night I fall asleep, most apprehensively
                             The darkness comes no matter what I do
                             I think I am past it, God I am a fool
                   My good intentions will only get me so far-

Could I Ever

         Understanding why is by far the hardest part
                   The who is very clear, the what is God to me
                             Rape and torture hurt so very much
                             Even more when it’s by someone you love
                   Forgiveness won't ever come, we are done stranger-

Bang

         Counting down from one
                   Pressing the gun against my head
                             Soon I will be so very dead
                             The walls will be stained red
                   So much will be left unsaid-

Murder Of A Life

         Live if I must, what choice do I have
                    Most willing to die, death eludes me
                             Fear nothing, except everything
                             Born of death in waiting
                    Rescue me from life, save me-

Three Stones

         Fallen down, never to rise again
                    Tossed off into the abyss
                             I am made of stone
                             Into the unknown I go
                   Those I love are close behind-

Nude

         Like a child, exposed to all that was shown
                   I have learned to show much, painful lessons
                             A survival tool, my way to fight back
                             Without it I would have long since died
                   I hold nothing back for the world to see, nothing-

The Fire

         Burning bright in bitter rage
                    Searing delight
                              Rising like the sky
                              Leaving ashes to the wind
                    Scars never heal, unchanged, unresolved, my destiny-

Cry

         Like water they fall, most silent
                    Each one as endless at the last
                              Purity of the soul expressed
                              Cleansing me of all that I am
                    A new day, a new way, no longer will I cry, I am free-

Serves Me Right

         Life lessons, handed out in judgment
                    Am I special, why me I scream
                              Love me as your child, a boy can dream
                              The truth is far more terrifying indeed
                    You took everything, now I have nothing, serves me right-

Broken Wings

         Falling like a stone from God's Heavenly abode
                    Down I go, spiraling in a dizzying array
                              Into the belly of the beast, back to humanity
                              Turns out life was not done with me
                    So I will reluctantly live, not even God wants me
                   This hypocrisy knows no end-

The Mask I Wear as One

         The truth, the lies, in between I reside
                   I am a beast, I feast, I devour
                              No one is safe, nothing is free
                              The life I lead, the hate I breed
                   I am my own enemy, my salvation is set askew
                   I know nothing, except for what is seen in plain sight
                   The mask I wear as one, is the true me
                   I shall never reveal myself for what I am
                   I shall always hide amongst the flock-

The Serpents Bite

         The hiss of the beast, the rattle of his presence
                   The life he breeds in me, I am reluctantly his to shape
                             God Has forsaken me to the sins of my parents
                             I am doomed, not much has changed, we all face doom
                   The serpents bite, my life, one and the same-

Remember The Lie

         The infant child of a whore, father unknown with great certainty
                   She whispered I love you in my ear, I was only seconds old
                             She said it would all be ok, that she would care for me
                             I remember each terrifying line, I remember the lie
                   I was her child, she was my mother, she loved me reluctantly
                   She wanted to be free of the lie she told me, she set me free
                   In the process she too was set free, I never saw her again
                   I was raised by strangers, they loved me willingly-

Crashing Down

         Rising like the sun, falling like the moon
                   Each day comes, followed by the blackness of night
                             Each dream of what could be is followed by reality
                             Reality is what we face, factuality is are one truth
                   Hope is an illusion, dreams are one and the same
                   Crashing down all around is life, like the day and the night
                   Like the truth, reality quickly replaces our dreams-

Tearing Down Homes

         A family is defined as those whom are supposed love you most
                   A love given from birth, theoretically unconditional
                             No strings attached, no rules need apply
                             Then why is it I am most alone?
                   No one to calls to tell me of the love that is mine
                   The love that is my birth right, is nowhere to be felt
                   I am most alone, just like I was in the womb
                   Not much has changed, just me lost in a sea of humanity
                   Hypocrisy I scream-

Broken Child of One

         Stranger called father where have you gone?
                   Mother named whore what have you done?
                             Brothers and sisters unknown to me
                             A broken child of one, I have become
                   On my own in this life, no one cares for me
                   It is sad to say, it is even sadder to have to live this way
                   I did nothing more than be born, no mistake, only payment
                   Their sins have become mine, God is just unkind-

The Darkness

         Like a beast of burden, it comes for me each night
                   The darkness calls me back as the light fades away
                             Shapes hide in plain sight, blackness falls down
                             Distortion is king, even shadows hide away
                   My foolish mind betrays me quite easily, reality is blurred
                   My hope of the new day is to terrified to show itself
                   I see nothing as I lay there in the darkness, yet I feel so much
                   It soaks me, it penetrates me just like it did when it became mine
                   It is pointless for me to try, my live just can't be lived -

Hopes Happenstance

         Like a stone to the head, like a bullet to the gut
                   Like life to the living, reality hits me as hard as a truck
                             All I can do is live, what choice do I have?
                             Surely death is an option, but I am just to afraid to die
                   What if something more than the nothing I hope awaits?
                   What if it is a place that makes this look like paradise by comparison?
                   Hopes happenstance keeps me alive, all that happens is a side affect
                   We hope and pray, then God answers us in the oddest of ways
                   He sends us all that we don't need, or never will want
                   It is all part of some test we are unwillingly taking
                   I think I have failed-



Neuroses
Written by Keaton Foster Copyright © 2012.