Bullied To Death.

I slung my bag over my shoulder. I was walking home, some jocks went past me. "Hey, bi girl. What's up faggot?" They asked and laughed really hard. "G-Go away.." I said, my head down, looking at the ground. They mimicked my voice. "You know, I could help you. You could love dick, pussy no more, be normal. I'd just fuck you one time.. and boom." He laughed. "But you're hideous."



It was one them for them to talk like that. But it was almost like a threat to me. "I-I.." I tried to get it out. I finally gave up. They started mimicking me again. "Go away!" I yelled. They just laughed. I looked down again, and sighed. "Why are you such a faggot?"



"Who I like doesn't define me..." I say underneath my breath. "Did she just say something?" One said. "Yeah, I think she did. 'Who I like doesn't define me.' Bull shit, stupid ass. Yes it does. And you're gonna pay." He chuckled to himself.



"No.. stop." I started to run away, but they caught me. One kicked me in the side as hard as he could, and I went falling to the ground. I was 5'3 and 100 pounds. "No.. Please. I-I.." I grabbed my side and gave up, lying on the ground.



The other picked me up, and made me stand up. I was about to fall again. "Please. Stop. I-I... I didn't do anything to you! If I could be straight I would. I wouldn't like girls. I just do and I can't explain in. Stop! Please!" The tears started flowing out.



"Please. Maybe I can kick the faggot out of you. You don't deserve to live." One said to me, as I fell. It was the first time I'd ever stood up for myself. I was proud, but I knew what was coming to me. The other one grabbed me by my shirt and punched me in the jaw. Blood came flying out my mouth.



If I talked, I felt like all my teeth would fall out. I screamed. It hurt so badly, but it was worth a try. The other slapped me, my punishment for screaming, I guess. The tears came as fast as they could, and I was choking on my tears.



The bigger one grabbed my shirt again, and kicked me to the ground like a soccer ball. "Bro, let's go before someone finds the faggot with us. We don't wanna get caught, or be seen with her." He said, and ran off, the other one following. I laid there, dizzy, and soon I passed out.



I woke up, in the same place. Probably, more than twenty people passed by. But no one cared. I started crying again, trying to get up. I just fell back down. I started breathing heavily. An anxiety attack was coming.. not again. Not here. With all my might, I stood up, and walked home. I grabbed my side and my jaw.



I went through the back door. Not that anyone was ever home. They were all at their jobs. I had one sister and a brother. An older brother and a younger sister. I breathed heavily, crying more and more. I'd punch the wall, or my mirror, but enough was already bleeding.



I took off my shirt, my sides were bruised. One from falling, and one from the kicking. I winced and got up slowly, getting a rag and wetting it with cold water. I pressed it slowly, wincing more.



I sighed, trying to stop crying. My mother wouldn't be home til nine. No dinner. Never any dinner. The bruise from slapping would go away. And my jaw.. I didn't even know what to do about that. My little sister came in my room.



"Didn't I tell you to knock, you little brat?!" I yelled. I never yelled at her. I saw the tears welling up in her eyes. "What happened, sissy?" She asked, as she started crying. "Honey, don't cry. I'm fine. I just.. got hit by a car. I'm totally fine. These things will heal. Okay? Come here." I say, and sigh.



She ran up to me, careful not to touch me hard. She sat next to me. "See, my hip is already feeling better." I say, putting on a fake smile. That was one of the biggest lies I have ever told. "Now, I think I'm just gonna get some sleep, okay?" I ask her and smile, nodding. She nods back and walks out of the room.



I stand up slowly, wincing at the pain and shutting the door, and locking it so my brother wouldn't come in. I shut my windows and I lay down. I take the rag off and cry softly, until I fall asleep.



I wake up 2 hours later and bite my lip. Another dream. Just a replay of what happened today. The thing that got me was, there was no reason to live. My sister is young and .. she won't care much. My brother just sells dope, and doesn't care about anyone but his dope friends and himself. What's the reason to live? There was none..



I hated thinking about this, but I couldn't help it. My mom was always at work.. and she never sees me anyways. My dad left without an explanation when I was 6.



I'm just wasted space. I started crying. Why wasn't there a reason to live.. why me? I can't help being the way I am. There's no controlling it. I love girls. But I hate them for making me like them at the same time.



I can't go three more years with all this. I'll be dead by then anyways. I sighed, getting out a pencil and paper.



"Dear Family, I love you so much. But, I don't see a reason for living anymore. In no way is this your fault, Mom. Or Sarah's. Or Brandon's. I promise. The bullying was just too much. If I had a second chance at life, I wouldn't be bi. Today, I got beaten up. A kick to my sides and back, a punch to my jaw, and a slap to my face. Nothing new really. But, I hope to see you soon, where ever I end up. I see no reason to go on. We can't afford any other school, dad's not paying child support. They will beat me to death before Junior year. I love you all. I left 100 dollars underneath my mattress. I saved up. For over two years. Mom, have it. For food. We never have enough. I hope one day, you get a wonderful job. Sarah, I love you very much. You're the last face I saw. And I love that. You always will be my baby sister, no matter what. I don't want any of you to be sad. Because I really cannot be here anymore. Sarah, I want you to have the twenty bucks I've stashed beneath my bed. Get whatever you'd like. You deserve it. Brandon, I know we've had our fights. But you have to stop selling dope. It's not helping anyone. And, what if Mom loses you too? It'd rip the family apart, you know that. My last and final wishes are this. That dad knows. Brandon goes to rehab. Mom goes back to school, and Sarah, you live your life. A happy life. Don't shed a tear, cause now I'm in a happier place. Promise me? Okay? I love you all... -Justice.



I thought if tears were a color, they would of stained my face. I got a knife from underneath my bed. It was there, incase anyone tried to come in. My mom insisted. I smiled, picturing their smiling faces, us all together. I close my eyes, and smashed it deep into my skin. And did it once again. And two times on the other arm. And slit all the way down, both arms. Blood was racing down my arms, dripping on the bed. I laid down and closed my eyes, biting my lip hard, trying with all my might not to scream.



Then everything started to darken. "I love you, Sarah." I said my last words, at the last moment wanting to go back. I tried to sit up, but I had no more power. I was numb, and everything was slowly shutting down. I could feel my heart beat stop. I was lost in my thoughts and I couldn't ever go back.



This wasn't the way I was supposed to go. Now I understood. Life could of went on. If I gave it one more try. No.. No. Sarah and Brandon and Mom. How will they be protected? I could barely think anymore. Calm down.. Justice. It's too late.



I sighed and looked up at the ceiling. Everything was black, and I could still think. I couldn't move or speak. But I could think. For this moment. Then, everything completely shut off.