Fifty rupee girl

            I have a serious issue. I tend to forget things pretty quickly. It is not a disease so there is no treatment. My poor memory has cost me so many important things in my life. I cannot say things like what because I cannot recall the things that I loved and missed, I have forgotten them all.

    I am a student of a prestigious university in my country. At one time when I was just a freshman we were tasked by our seniors to collect funds to support one of the university’s functions at the time. The task, ‘kate’ as we called it, was simple. We were to carry pouches and collect money from pedestrians on the streets, tuition class students and basically from any one we meet.

  You may wonder why I am telling you all these scrambled things in such a disorderly fashion. But once I reach to the finale of my story you most certainly will realize the order, and the details which I have uttered will make some sense. So do bear with me, with my seemingly dull story.

  So we went from class to class collecting money from students. I myself collected a very handsome amount of money, which as it turned out later to be the highest amount we made that day. It was near to 2ooo rupees. Divide it by 2o rupees, which was the most common bill that I received and get an idea to how many people have I begged for money. And the fun part of it is not everyone I begged really offered me money. So god only knows from how many people I begged that day. The little that I know is that it was the single time in my life that I begged for money that much, or begged for anything for that matter. I don’t blame anyone. It was fun to beg.

  So we went to this arts class. It was a logics class, I learned later. It was a class that I have never been to before. As the class ended hundreds of students came out of the doors. We immediately started fishing for donations. Some did offer money; most only offered a smile and walked away. . Now comes to the premature climax of my little story.

  There was this one girl, in a blue color T-shirt and a denim trouser, holding a side bag and a file. She came out last once almost all the others have left.. and we were also about to leave. I said my pal to wait a second so that I can go and ask her for a donation as well, I don’t know why I turned back for one girl, there wasn’t any chemistry at the beginning. Asked her I did. In my natural deep voice several times purposely deepened and adding a heavy British accent to gain respect I explained her the purpose of my mission. Then the unexplainable turn of events happened. As I talked and filled her with the same information that I have been repeating for a hundred of times that day, she stopped in her tracks and gazed into my eyes like a deer gazing into a photographer’s camera. She had a glimpse of a smile in her lips; her thoughts as they appeared to me were confused, and questionable. But the most distinct feature in her face was the subtle traces of absolute innocence. Not a single girl I had ever talked to before did gaze into my eyes so deeply as she did, and so innocently.

  I spent my whole life looking for answers to explain phenomena of which the meanings are invisible to the naked eye. So far I was very successful at it. But here, quite without any logically explainable reason I was lost in my words in a sudden and I found myself gazing in to her eyes as well. I was spiritually carried away into a space between spaces that I never knew that existed within me. It would have lasted a couple of mini seconds, a few seconds maybe. I might have talked and the words might have come out of my mouth, but that was beyond my consciousness. For that moment I was completely entangled in her mysterious charm, all my senses wholly focused on her. I am not exaggerating anything, not even the tiniest detail. It all happened exactly as I have mentioned. But I somehow found my senses and continued my tale to end. She paused for a while and reached to her bag to take out a neatly folded fifty rupee bill, the only fifty rupee bill I received that day, and slowly handed it over to me. I found myself thanking her and stood there to watch her walk away and disappear in to the crowd. I was still wandering what the heck happened when I returned to my pal saying “Did you see that girl? There is something special about her. I wonder whether I met my future wife just now!”

  It was a Saturday noon. I had no other means to recognize her but the glimpses in my weak memory. I worked the entire week at the university and returned home for the weekend. I was determined to find about her. I told my sister what happened and how much I would like to meet that girl again and talk to her and get to know her. My sister laughed. ‘Sure’ she said ‘think I can help with your fifty rupee baby. That class ends just after my tuition class ends. You can come to pick me up and wait for your girl and show me her. If I know her, I will tell.’

  I did exactly as she said, and I waited outside the class. But confound it, hundreds of girls went out of the class, but I couldn’t tell which one was she. Her face has already faded from my memory. I thought maybe if I see her again I would know that it is her. But that never happened. Maybe she stopped coming to that class, maybe she was absent that day.. or maybe she was there, may even had seen me and wondered why I am back there or why I didn’t smile… But I wouldn’t know her face is lost from my memories.

  Weeks passed by, and I returned again and again, only to get back home disappointed. Then came the exams and the tuition classes ended. When they started again it was a new season, and there were only new faces. The girl did become a ghost.

  All my life, whenever I really wanted a something, anything, I did everything I could to own it. I succeeded every time. This is the one time I failed. And I always wondered how things would have gone if I actually met her for a second time.. I would have said Hi, I could have heard her voice.. Now.. I will never know. All I know for sure is this, that I lost her forever and, even though I have forgotten the one detail that matters the most, I would never forget the feeling that I felt, which stopped me in my thoughts, senses, time.., the moment that she gazed deep into my eyes, my soul, my heart.