Ana

Ana

I stop my motorcycle. I’m here after about an hour and a half ride, I’m at the place where we used to come to all the time. Our place. The place where you first told me you loved me. The place where we used to just sit and look up at the stars and have the conversations where I would find myself telling you things that I wouldn’t tell my best friends and you would tell me things about you that would eventually make me fall more in love with you than I did the day before, because I was getting to know who you really were, and I was excited at that thought more than I would be if I had found a lost treasure in the middle of the ocean by accident.

I still remember the first day we came here. You still nervous to get on my motorcycle cuz’ you never been on one before and you would always see on the news about some dipshit crashing his motorcycle for going to fast, after a while though I convinced you to get on. It was a bitter sweet victory, cuz’ your grip around my stomach was a little bit tighter than if a boa constrictor was wrapped around me. I could barely breathe. But I could take it cuz’ we lived in Tehachapi, Nevada which was only about an hour away from the spot. You finally relaxed your death grip on the ride and I sucked in as much air as I could like it would be my last breath on this earth, then you lift up the eye mask and yell

“Where are we going!”

“It’s a surprise!”

I say as I shift into 5th gear and speed up to about 70 mph.
About 20 minutes later you ask the same question and I can hear the impatience growing in your voice, I respond with the same answer I said to you 20 minutes ago, I laughed a little too. But I guess you heard because you squeezed me tighter than you did when you got on.

We finally we get to the spot after about another 30 minutes. I told you to cover your eyes and not to look because the surprise was coming up next. So you took off your helmet and right after I covered your eyes just to be sure you weren’t looking. We walk for about 5 minutes and I purposely make you trip a couple times for the hell of it, you would get mad, but I would earn your forgiveness back with a kiss on your check. That was my alibi that day. Usually it was flowers a teddy bear and me waiting outside your building for hours before you would only look out the window. So I’m lucky today I guess. Finally we get to the sand and as soon as your feet feel that familiar sensation of the grains grinding together you ask

“Are we at beach? Why couldn’t you just say we were going to the beach?”

You said it kind of snobbish so naturally that annoyed me.

“Cuz we’re not at the beach stupid.” I say jokingly but inside my head I was a little serious.

You laughed, a couple seconds after I sat you down on one of the many round rocks and went behind you.
“Okay now you can look.”

I take my hands from your eyes and you rub your eyes to clear them up. You gasp in awe at the beautiful sight that your eyes can’t seem to stop staring at. The mountains that were a perfect blend of tan and brown, the insanely blue sky with not a cloud in sight, the water that was so clear and blue that you could see the bottom a mile out, the pine trees that were brimming the lake so tall and green, it was like God painted a picture and we were looking at it. I smile knowing how much you loved it.

“I love this … How did you find this?” you ask me

“I can’t say all that” I say with a smirk on my face.

After a while of us running around and exploring our surroundings and playing like little kids, the sun starts to go down.

“This is the perfect time” I think to myself.

And I tell you to look at the wolf over there across the lake (there was no wolf). As soon as you turn around I get the box out from my deep jacket pocket and get on one knee. You turn around and say

“What wol..”

You gasp at the sight of me on my knee right in front of you. You knew this moment would come, you just didn’t know when or with who or where. You tried saying something but I interrupt you.

“Babe, these past 3 years have been the best of my life, I wake up everyday and it’s like Christmas morning to a kid who knows he was getting presents. I know I can’t sit here and say I make you as happy as you make me, but I can assure you that I try and try everyday to get you to feel a sense of what you make me feel like every second of everyday, and with this I can now ask you to give me the opportunity to try for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?”

You start to cry, a lot, but after about 3 minutes of me waiting there for the answer you managed to push out the 3 letter word that I have been was anticipating for the past 3 years

“Yes.”

And when you said that, it was like a fire lit inside my body and I rose up and hugged you also lifting you up due to the rush of adrenaline that was surging through my body at 300 mph, I was the happiest I’ve ever been in my life, that was on March 14, 1986.

A couple weeks later we got married and we lived happy lives. Had 3 children Blake, Summer, and Chris. Eventually they grew up to be the best children in the world. Yeah they were a hand full but, what kid isn’t? They all eventually grew up and went on to follow there dreams and figure out there way in life. Chris got married and had 2 children, Amanda and Shawn. Blake is engaged and Summer is not ready for relationships.. That’s what I say. 7 years ago you got sick. Heart Disease if I’m correct. You fought through it for a good 3 years and at one point we thought it was gone, but we were wrong. Finally you decided to stop getting treatment.

“I lived my life, with the man I love and had three beautiful children, who became wonderful people, what else could I ask for? It’s my time to go.”

You told me after I found out what you decided to do. I know you didn’t get much sleep either because I kept trying to make propositions for you to change your mind. You were strong though. You held your ground.

Friday, May 13th 2005 at 6:45 pm. your heart monitor slowed down and soon after came to a stop. When this happened the doctors rushed in and tried to revive you but failed in there attempts. Your funeral was held 2 weeks after you died; you were buried next to your mother, father and sister. I knew you were in a better place than you were here, no more pain. After about 3 years of me lying up in bed not sleeping, eating, bathing … I got on my bike and went to the spot. The spot where I started the rest of my life with you at. But I notice something. This place that was so full of color and life, have been reduced to blacks whites and grays. The mountains of the perfect blend of brown and orange were now just white and gray. The clear blue water that you could see the bottom of the lake a mile out, are now just a murky black with cloud shaped white spots at the surface, the rocks that seemed like nature’s perfect seat are now rigid and sharp. The sky that was ten times bluer than a sapphire that was polished to perfection is now cloudy and gray like a storm is coming. This place … of such beauty and serenity might as well be a barren wasteland. Without your presence here there is nothing to appreciate about this. Your smile was what made me see things for what they were. And now that you aren’t here. I can’t appreciate things how I used to when you were here.

It’s been 7 years since you died and every year on March 16th I get on my motorcycle and I come here and I remember the day that I proposed to you, the best day of my life. I even remember what rock you sat on when you were here. It hasn’t moved a bit. I sit on that rock and look across the lake and reminisce on how we would pretend to be on top of those mountains. I tend to cry a lot when I think of that … I miss you. So much. And I know soon my time will run out on this earth. When that time comes I won’t be able to wait to see your face again. But until then I have to wait. Right before I get on my bike to go back home I always say.

“I Love You Ana. I’ll see you soon.”

And I ride off, to my ordinary life with my children, my job that never seems to end and my cozy house … our cozy house where I wont leave until I die. I breathe in the air as I ride. And I smile, wondering who else has gone to our spot and found a love like ours, I know it’d be hard. But it’s not impossible. You know? And maybe they can experience the joy you gave me and how happy I’ve been my whole life. Maybe they feel like it’s Christmas morning every time they wake up cuz’ they knew they are going to see the one they love once they turn around. Because that is the best feeling in the world. And that’s the feeling you gave me. Nobody else will replace that. Nobody.

Wilfredo Rivera