50 shade of RED

      50 Shades of Red                             

                 

My dearest Ice Cream,                                                                      

I know that we have yet to formally meet each other, but I have to say I have fallen hard for you. The first time I saw you, I was consumed by your smooth gentle curves.  The way they started out so cold and ridged and over a small amount of time became so soft, and delicate to the slightest touch. You make me melt. I was there on the same island as you- maybe you didn’t notice me in corner but I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you. In fact my friends, Mustard and Mayo, even push me a little, they said I was ogling at you. Them catching me even made me blush a little, making me more red then normal. Perhaps now you remember me I was the tall red bottle, my name is Heinz, but most people just call me Ketchup.

I’ve talked with others in the fridge about you; Carmel says you guys hook up every now and then? Let me tell you Ice Cream, if you think what Carmel has going on is good, just you wait to see what I can bring to the table. My 57 flavors make a delicious blend that is sure to satisfy your every desire.  I know some may say for you and I to be together is unnatural, but baby I am ready to rock your world. I am done wasting my time with other foods. Tired of the eggs, the hot dogs, and the burgers. I am ready for something new, something exciting, and something forbidden. All I can think about is you. Your every element is an aphrodisiac to me. You are the sweetest most erotic creation, the creamiest dream I could wish for. Just the thought of us being together is ecstasy. Oh the sweetness of cleansing cream against rough salty nuts is enough to make me addicted to your every touch.

I know, I know, some might say that I am not good for you, that my sodium, and sugar content is too high. Trust me baby, I know what is good for you and I’ve got all the ingredients to make it happen. Yeah I have heard sodium is bad for your heart, but if you know what is good for yours, you’ll give me a chance. Run away with me, to a place we wont be judged. I have already made a deal with the dish and the spoon; they will help us run away, like they did so many years ago. We can live a life of freedom, and solace. I know your friends Ben and Jerry will attest and try to talk you out of it, don’t listen to them, after all nothing worth doing is easy. It may be a rocky road at first but we would at least be united. I can just imagine the vibrant contrast of your vivid vanilla against my radiating red sauce. If we were alone we wouldn’t have to worry about the world, we could just get tangled up in what we know best! Id let you flip open my no-mess cap and take as much as you want (you could even make a mess if that’s what you like). I can hardly wait to crack open your lid and lick off the ice cream that sticks to it. We would be to perfect for each other, I could give you a life that others only dream of, if you would let me.

A love like ours is one that is unique, and misunderstood. People would fear the possibilities a relationship like ours could extend to. It is because of the fear and narrow-mindedness of the world why we mustn’t openly cultivate what we have. The world would persecute us, push us down and make a mockery of us. We must be cautious with our love, like Romeo and Juliet, for society wouldn’t accept us. I am just a simple bottle of ketchup seeking the everlasting love and companionship of you my love. Maybe, just maybe someday we will forge our bodies and spirit as one, till then I must quote Romeo and say "Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow."

Truly – madly – deeply and yours forever and always,

-Heinz