Lesson 7 Exercise

Original opening of story.

He spied from across the street.  Every Friday night, the Keller’s did the same thing.  That meant time for a shower and something to eat before he disappeared for the weekend.  Eddie had secretly been living with Richard and Michelle Keller for three weeks.  In fact he was so fond of the couple he began referring to them as Ricky and Mickey.  Well, only in his head that is. 

Eddie adapted to their schedule, although he hadn’t actually met them.  So far so good.  His plans did not include getting these nice people involved in his business.  Laying low meant keeping everyone safe, mainly Eddie. 

He’d first snuck into the Keller home in the wee hours of the morning through a basement window.  People were after him and maybe even wanted him dead.  Eddie hadn’t intended to trespass, but when the opportunity presented itself, he dove in.  He soon learned the old house was occupied by a middle-aged couple who left at or around seven every morning for work. 

During the day he slept, watched TV, and used their computer.  He snooped a lot as well.

Ricky liked to do the morning crossword puzzle.  He owned a large vinyl collection of old records, and read books about the Civil War.  Mickey’s massive shoe collection filled several closets.  They didn’t have any children, but one of the bedrooms had been purposed and abandoned as a nursery long ago.
 
Eddie took over a back bedroom that the Keller’s used for storage and overflow of useless items.  A lot of it was boxes of stuff they never unpacked.  He used this to his advantage if he ever had to hide while they were in the house.  Camouflage he called it.  He also had his bedroll set up in the eight foot reach-in closet.  He kept his backpack hidden in the little cubby.

Eddie always left the house before five o’clock.


Restructured eliminating first & fourth paragraphs and moving second paragraph.

He’d first snuck into the Keller home in the wee hours of the morning through a basement window.  People were after him and maybe even wanted him dead.  Eddie hadn’t intended to trespass, but when the opportunity presented itself, he dove in.  He soon learned the old house was occupied by a middle-aged couple who left at or around seven every morning for work. 

Eddie took over a back bedroom that the Keller’s used for storage and overflow of useless items.  A lot of it was boxes of stuff they never unpacked.  He used this to his advantage if he ever had to hide while they were in the house.  Camouflage he called it.  He also had his bedroll set up in the eight foot reach-in closet.  He kept his backpack hidden in the little cubby.

Eddie adapted to their schedule, although he hadn’t actually met them.  So far so good.  His plans did not include getting these nice people involved in his business.  Laying low meant keeping everyone safe, mainly Eddie. 

That’s why he always left the house before five o’clock.