Kiss and Tell

Spencer looked up, mouth open, squinting in the early sunlight. The sky was a different color today. He ran his thumb under his messenger bag strap and adjusted it, moving his shoulders until it felt right. He pushed up the sleeves of his heavy, cable-knit cardigan and noticed that it was warmer today than usual, though he was still glad to have worn one. Everything felt… brighter. He smiled to himself as he put his hands in his pockets and trotted down the few steps outside his building to the sidewalk, loving the crunch of dead leaves under his sneakered feet.

He felt lighter today, too. Looser and more at ease in his body than he’d ever felt. He smiled and waved at passers-by, neighbors or not. He tipped the guitar player on the corner, petted the dog on the leash, and kicked the clumped leaves whenever they blew into his path. It was a clean fall day, and the autumn smells refreshed and renewed him. He would’ve walked all the way to work if it wasn’t so far, but the route to the subway was familiar and welcome. His thoughts turned serious as he called to mind the case...

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It was a particularly nasty one, an UnSub was using his religious delusions as reason to torture his victims before ending their lives. Reid was familiar with the methodology. Personally familiar. It was really beginning to bother him and he hoped it didn’t show.

A soft knock at his door had woken him. He’d fallen asleep reading again at his dining room table. He’d gotten through six books before the seventh had seen him doze off, his face planted sideways on the pages, the glasses he still wore at home askew across the bridge of his nose.

He scrubbed his hands across his face, removing his glasses and stood up, at first thinking he dreamed it, but then no, there it was again. Nobody ever knocked on his door except Mrs. Cavanaugh to borrow something and it was too late for her to be up. Morgan always just walked in so… he opened it and there she stood, hands stuffed into the pockets of her baseball jacket, eyes wide.

“JJ, what… is everything okay? Are you, are you…” he stammered.

Jennifer Jareau looked down and shrugged before looking back up at him. “Can I come in?” she asked.

He stood there for a second trying to process, then said “Oh! Sure, sure, god I’m an idiot, come in here! Come in!” He quickly closed the door behind her as she walked inside.

She stood in front of his couch as he said, gesturing, “Can I get you anything? It’s kind of late for coffee because the caffeine will continue to affect you and sometimes even peak in your system about four hours after you finish your cup… but how about a glass of water?”

“Spence…”

“Beer? I think I have some that Emily left here once like a year ago or…”

“Spence, I don’t need anything,” she said, smiling softly. Realizing he was waiting for her to speak next she sat down on the sofa, patting the cushion beside her.

“I can’t stay long. But I wanted… I needed to come by and check on you.”

He sat next to her and tilted his head, pressing his lips together as his eyebrows shot up. “Why?” he asked.

“Spence…” and she stood up, pressing her palms together. She paced a little as she said “We both know this is really similar to a previous case.”

Spencer folded his arms tight against himself, a reflex.

She went back and sat next to him. “I just want to know… to make sure…” he was looking down and she reached out and tilted his chin up so their eyes met. “…to make sure you’re okay,” she breathed.

Spencer felt a lump growing in his throat. He had not wanted to mention anything about this to anyone. He was determined to see it through like the man, like the professional he was, on his own. He knew he was the best person to be on this case, but nobody else seemed to consider what personal toll it might take on him. Only her.

He took her delicate hand and held it in his own. He was quiet for a minute, then said “Thank you. I know what you’re thinking, and thank you for asking, JJ. I’ll be fine, I’m-“

Spencer caught his breath as she suddenly embraced him, pulling him to her in a fierce hug. His arms went around her too then, his hand rubbing the small of her back as he felt her shaking.

“Hey… hey…” he said as he buried his face in her shoulder, her soft, fragrant hair against his face.

“Spence it’s just bringing it all back and I don’t… I don’t want you to feel like we’re ignoring it because we’re not… I’m not.” She pulled back from the hug and looked at him, her hands moved to his face, her thumbs gently stroking his cheekbones.

Her eyes were huge and Spencer didn’t know what to say. He was loving this new, unexpected closeness with her, but he wished he knew what to do about it. He felt his heart slamming against his breastbone at her proximity and he was flushed and flattered, clueless before this that she had even given it a second thought.

“She’s looking at my mouth,” he thought, “god does she want me to kiss her? I want to kiss her, I mean it’s JJ, but I don’t – “

His question was answered for him as she leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips. All his questions went out the window and at that moment his whole world was her tender mouth on his.

“Spence…” she murmured between kisses. She kept whispering his name, talking around his mouth, planting kisses on his throat, his ear, and back to his mouth. His heart was racing and his hands came up to cup her face as they kissed, as he listened.

“Don’t think I don’t remember what you went through. I remember, I do,” she whispered as she kissed him, “I remember, god Spencer…”

His eyes were closed now and their faces were rubbing against each other and he felt a little dizzy with this, with everything and he whispered back “I know you do, I know… JJ, what…”

She stopped then, pressing her forehead to his, both of them breathless from the kisses and she moved back, looking at him, her eyes glossy with unshed tears.

“I almost lost you. We all did, and this case is just driving home that fact, and I usually don’t get like this and I’m usually okay with everything but Spence… I’m not okay with you being on this case, I’m not okay with how it might affect you, hurt you… and above all, I need you to be safe. I need you to be safe!” 

He felt his own eyes tearing and he put his arms around her, leaning back on the couch and pulling her with him. She put her head on his chest as he rested his chin on the top of it and they sat that way, very still, for a long time.

When he finally spoke he used his quietest voice and said “JJ, you, better than anyone, know the job. It, by its very nature, is NOT safe. I have you and I have the rest of the team and I will be okay, I’ll be okay, alright? Please don’t worry.”

She lifted her head and looked into his eyes, looking for and seeing the truth in their hazel warmth. Her hand went to his face again and he rubbed his cheek against the softness of it and she said “I should go, shouldn’t I?”

He opened his eyes. “No.” The last thing he wanted was for her to leave now.

JJ looked back at him, her eyebrows raised and he added quickly “I mean, unless you really want to! Do you have to go just yet?”

“I guess not,” she replied. “We do have a couple things to discuss, right?”

He smiled a little at that and said, “I’d say so, and I’m kind of looking forward to hearing what you have to say, Agent Jareau.”

“Is that so?” she retorted. “What makes you think I have anything further to – “

Spencer cut her off with his kiss, his warm lips pressing against hers, his long fingers tracing the curve of her jaw. He smiled against her mouth, emboldened by her teasing tone, and murmured “Oh I think you have plenty to say…” he kissed her again before whispering against her ear, “I know I do.”


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He smiled as he boarded the subway, hanging onto the strap and bracing himself against the movement of the car. He’d just walked through swirling leaves and the fragrant fall air was still clinging to him and now he was in what amounted to an underground tin can but it didn’t matter.

She had come to him, had kissed him until their lips were chapped. She had told him things that he’d never dreamed of from the deepest part of her heart and he had done the same. She had held him and cried against him and he never wanted her to go. But go she had, and it was hard for the both of them. Now he was on his way to her. To work and to her, and he would be okay. He smiled again and looked down at his feet. He would be okay.