Suicidal Tendencies

My blood runs black down my wrist
Tears down my cheeks, they will persist
You must learn to survive, they insist!
I refuse to listen to their lies and deceit
I refuse to live a life on repeat
Where suffering, pain and agony all meet at one
Where I've been dying since my life begun

I relate to the blade as my own resort
Hidden amongst my knights of my crumbling fort
As it crumbles so does my mind
Along with who i am, I cease to be able to find
I'm dead inside, lost and alone
I don't know myself, who I am?
I am unknown.

I will jam, slice, cut so deep
I will bleed, cry until I fall asleep
My burden I have lived, prospered and fell
Crumbled, decayed to the depths of Hell

You say I can trust in your infernal lie?
Though when you're not near me
You're telling me to die?
To faces of the joker, the liar and thief
Those whom hide the truth underneath
Whom lie for the sake of innocent pleasure
Their immoral treasure
Told I am there friend, close, a brother
But I'm just a victim, just another
Another to their failure, another to their lie
Another whom falls, and begs to die

You see, trust?
It doesn't exist
The word is more cruel
Than a child's bicycle
Corroding to rust.

Life is a fight
One I have lost
One I will never win
Blood, the cost.

151 scars, and counting a more
151 scars in the name of a whore
One whom claimed it was for the best
But was a liar, just like the rest
She left me at birth
Because she was a fool
If she had aborted me?
Well, she'd be less cruel

Each cut, as the blade rips the flesh
I fall to my knees and the blood runs fresh
The blood spilt in her name
To disgrace, despise and hate
I await the day I see her,
Her death I anticipate.
So I can that very blade into her throat
Let her wallow on the floor in misery like a fucking scrote
I will bludgeon her, watch her bleed
Begging me under every need
Every need to live, survive. call NINE NINE NINE
No. I won't, I'll snap your fucking spine
I'll watch you scream in your piss and shame
On your dying body I will carve my very name,
That of which you gave, scarred and burn't to the bone
Mutilated me, and left me till I felt nothing but alone

For the feeling of loneliness one can only bare
If they're being trailed around mentally by their hair
Like a feral wolf it claws at their throat
Watch my body as it becomes afloat

You have caused so much wrong in my life
So much wrong, so much sorrow and strife
I won't survive the next 10 years
I won't survive the next 5 or more
I feel my death be inevitable
As I dangle above the floor

And the last thing I will re-call
Is what I see as a disgrace
Your insolent, repulsive face
As I shut my eyes with grimace...

This poem.
Is dedicated to all those fuckbags that claim to be my friends,
Those wankers that have claimed to be so close but have been so far.
Far from friends and far from family, nothing more than lying immoral pricks that deserve nothing more than to be castrated within the middle of a shopping centre, street, city. Filled with people and set alight so they see what disgusting fucks they are.
And my birth mum.
My birth "whore" who so happily gave me away without hesitation that will eventually (or so i hope) will come across me some day just so I can jam my blade I've used so many times, stained with my own fucking blood 151 times over and going. So I can jam it into her frail, fucking throat.
SLUT. SLUT. SLUT. SLUT.
Learn to close your legs in future you fucking skank.

-Emotionally Torn.