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My journals and path ,following my Master raw unedited sometimes written from subspace |
| 12/26/2013 9:32:09 PM [Report Entry] He kept me soaked all day....most of the time He allows me to keep my toy in as He works. ...When the toy is taken out ...I am so empty...soaked aching... He told me tonight...keep your cunt empty.... I grabbed myself and stared at my toy...agony...saying yes Sir ...Master . He called and He had a very very dark tone....I went to the floor on my back thighs open because of the agony palms up staring at the toy beside me...as he talked my fingers turned and dug into the carpet. He said don't fucking put that toy inside of you.. you can lay it on your clit and move your hips but don't fucking use your hands or put it inside of you..He said you can roll the tip of the toy on your hole as long as it does not go in. . I begged Him to be fucked I begged to put the toy in ...He told me no .. I need to hear you moan and beg ....He said Its dark whore and I am still at work . He said we still have awhle to go tonight. Im masterbating with the toy but not shoving it inside. moving my hips up and down...screaming ...moaning ... sweating...dripping and begging to be fucked. ( I think I said of couple of things earlier in the evening I should not have said) He brought them up when He called.I made a video of my agony and sent it to Him to watch as He worked. collarme emailed me today saying I can't have a pic in my text of my profile. Strange because they have that option in their own software. That is how I inserted it. I read the entire user agreement and there is nothing I could find...I removed the photo. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 12/23/2013 9:42:29 AM [Report Entry] Modified again smiles : I read all of the posts on this website and profiles. I talk to others. I often wonder how each of them feel after they have been forced and beaten into submission. They have not learned to let go from the inside simply because the Dominant comes near. They meet..they “play” then then go about their daily routines until it happens again. No connection. No bond. They did not grow nor do they keep growing . They did not learn why their walls are there and how to connect with another being and total give their power over out of need . He waited and waited for each phase… for me to ask and for things to come out of my mouth naturally . I learned about myself and I grew . Past pains and walls were worked through. I do not see how force or letting go because of severe pain is truly letting go. I think it is backwards. When He takes me there I asked for pain through submission . I beg to let go deeper and deeper and for Him to consume …I do it on my own without force. from the past: Free yet Bound •December 13, 2011 • Leave a Comment He makes me feel, He inspires and motivates me to achieve the tasks that makes me stronger and that pleases Him. He Balances me. He Masters me with perfection Domination and Control . He allows me to be who I am and not be ashamed. When I serve I feel free. Free yet bound . I float. It feels better than any pleasure I could have imagined. Dark but yet bliss. The part of me that always screams to get out. He sets it free, its been a slow process but its there I feel it more and more each day. When I drop and look up its better than any thrill I have ever sought after, I dont search anymore I have what I need • -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 12/17/2013 10:49:03 AM [Report Entry] leash led crawling eagerly slave naked chained bound plugged used clawed screaming....groaning......moaning....... juices begging always begging and pleading from my soul -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 12/16/2013 1:29:29 PM [Report Entry] The Mornings sun shining in on my already burning hunger... on the bed ...arms up and thighs spread open...running my fingers down to my slit ...hearing the wet noises as I sit in agony waiting for Him...... begging and calling to Him ...telling him how strong the pain and hunger is ..to be filled in all ways...but offering my agony in submission...the pain keeps building pulsing through me....trusting ...knowing He always comes....limits being pushed earlier and I absorbed the pain...only making my need greater.... then I feel ..hear and sense Him near...my breathing increases..knowing I am about to soar... Journal Entries: 1/8/2014 8:17:42 PM [Report Entry] I came to the lifestyle on my own free will. i had always topped myself in my mind. My thoughts were not normal everyday thoughts and went way beyond what most children think of . I always knew I would find someone that I would connect with and learn and mental connection. What He teaches is not cyber. It is not fantasy. It is an art ... the mental aspects are not for the weak or for those that just play. It is like any other tool used but Mental has the most power. Everyone knows how powerful the mind is but most overlook it and want the quick fix or high. It leaves most still craving and never completely fulfilled. He is about mental before He added physical but the mental does make my flesh react or lose control completly. He explained how hard it would be and it would take work and that when he was done I would totallly submit and He would have complete control and power. I agreed and each step when He would take me deeper I would beg for more.This is who I am. This is what i was born to do. It is a NEED to be part of this lifestyle . my journals say over and over that just putting a collar on someone and calling them a dog is not D/s or M/s. He takes me to the level that I NEED to beg and I NEED to be a dog or anything that He needs.Knowing what I know. I could never be owned any other way.. only the real way through my Mind first. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1/6/2014 1:55:20 PM [Report Entry] a Delicious day ....smiles growth and lessons learned...pleasant ...arousing conversations....new friends..... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 1/2/2014 8:56:20 PM [Report Entry] Most do not understand what being used is or being owned. I try and try to type it. He owns all of me...The dark parts of my soul...my core...when He uses ..He uses all parts of me. He penetrates to my core . I am calm. I can breathe . It is like a burning and It is Him inside of me. The more I let go and submit the more it burns. His words effect the flesh. Mind before body but the body will react. After that other aspects can be added but without the mind being owned and Mastered nothing else has no real meaning. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1/1/2014 11:53:59 AM [Report Entry] Modified: The house filled with aromas of cooking soon were mixed with the scent of His slave and whore. I moved to the couch spread waiting and begging ..the toy rubbing my clit...my wetness from my cunt lubricating...begging Him as He came near...begging for penetration...He taunted me with His words and I moaned in agony . He controlled each move ...each thrust...each inch....begging to move the toy after he told me to finally shove it all the way in until my palm touched my cunt limps. ..trained to hold it in my legs crossed and I could feel the throbbing going all through me. He taunted me with all the possibilities of the outcome. I kept trying to speak and beg and say things...the words become jumbled...He allowed me finally to release over and over until I could not move . Screaming and thanking Him...Begging to do anything to feed Him because of all that He allows me. The slave in me begging for torture if It feeds Him even if He never feeds me...thinking of ways I can ask to be branded...needing to carve His name into me. Knowing yesterday I did speak out through His pain ...wanting all of that to be gone out of me..for Him to take it out...to absorb anything He needs me to absorb. Knowing that needs are as extreme as His Knowing I can match them.....I remember now feeling my nails dig into my leg and slap as He kept taunting me with His words Thank You My Lord Journal Entries: 1/15/2014 7:03:18 AM [Report Entry] Good Girls get Candy -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1/13/2014 11:42:47 AM [Report Entry] All I can do is stare at Masters journal entry today...Thanking Him over and over. Begging to keep serving at His feet. Grateful for all that He has taught me and how much I have grown to the point of begging to be slave and now being taken deeper . -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1/12/2014 7:59:17 PM [Report Entry] He used to tell me over and over its not about "just fucking" and it isn't but He does fuck better than any person around .. I beg for torture to be able to fuck Him or Have Him use me because its that fucking mindblowing and pleasurable. He fucks and uses all of me. Guess I am just a tad bit hungry Master....IM STARVING!!!!!!!!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1/12/2014 9:58:54 AM [Report Entry] Pieces of time If the people I work with only knew what happened at the end stall of the restroom I said a couple of things..Master said I'm swelling I dropped on the cold floor ..ripped my clothing down..not caring where I was..having no control ...letting go My fingers soaked in juice that He owns...the room spinning I shook the rest of the day..my speech was slower..He kept me in agony even after letting go..intense..hard to find words I know to go to a restroom or safe place -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1/11/2014 1:22:48 PM [Report Entry] Melting into His Dominance Beneath Him serving all Hysterical gratitude Time stands still..losing reality Journal Entries: 1/21/2014 11:21:44 AM [Report Entry] a slow suffocation... with each minute passing my breath is cut off ...the grip tightening... I struggle for air and scream to Him. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1/20/2014 10:13:52 AM [Report Entry] I believe our paths are set when were are born...you can make choices however, your soul will keep searching until it finds what it needs. it is a balance...the big picture. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1/17/2014 4:25:04 PM [Report Entry] Getting nothing (what I have learned ) resistance bitches selfishness tantrums fear manipulation disrespect equals empty craving needing never feeling a complete connection never knowing what its is like to trust another completely never soaring to the highest levels to feel the heat and warmth and brilliance at the same time Never feeling what its like to match need for need losing -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1/16/2014 8:27:57 PM [Report Entry] conversation about full moons casinos being put on the spot ..taking deep breaths and submission.. He did allow me to speak out after I asked permission ... without just doing it. videos. He said make me a video baby...Do not masterbate with the toy...just pull it all the way out and then push all the way back in over and over. Spread open on the floor ..It did not take long before the cream was building up on the toy...each time it popped out and my cunt tried to suck it back in. My eyes were glazed and moaning. errands busy -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1/16/2014 6:34:47 AM [Report Entry] More on candy There were many tests Many times I acted out and many times I would try to gain some control. I would start the day expecting to get all the candy and forget what my place was. I learned that it is His way not mine .. He leads I follow. I learned to ask but not to automatically expect or suggest or attempt to top. I learned to beg and I have never stopped. Submission is the key . The more I acted out ..the less candy I got or not any at all. He would test me and test me and make me wait and if I acted out...I waited longer again. I started to re examine every word I had spoke and every move I had made . Over time I learned which behaviors got me candy. It helped me learn that many subs here usually males because there are few females ..they just want to log in and cum and get what they need and then disappear until its time to cum again...Or they think submission is just following some commands . I learned because He does allow me to switch at times and I learned from his lessons how the subs here were just pretending and controlling others to get what they wanted. I am sure some of them didn't even realize what they were doing. I really did want to learn and I didn't even realize that I was expecting and not submitting in the beginning. Journal Entries: 1/31/2014 12:16:09 PM [Report Entry] on the floor kneeling ,mind , body, arms open, palms up..hearing His words and tone flow through me over and over..breathing Him in. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1/28/2014 10:22:06 AM [Report Entry] This morning started out by Him telling me to go get my clips. He waited as I put them on my nipples and clit as instructed. He watched as I took the toy and layed it against the outside of my cunt . He told the babygirl to start sucking her thumb. I whimpered loudly and started sucking hard. My body moving up and down on the toy.no penetration just rubbing. I could feel the juice start to drip . He started talking saying all the special things that only We share . The more He talked the more I dripped and moaned..staring at His arousal and drops. He told me to stick out my tongue and curl it to beg for drops . I open myself to him from the inside out. I have learned how to serve Him. I have learned that any little thing I say if not submissive and open may make the pleasure stop . I have learned what makes Him give me attention and what does not. I have learned by sitting through hours of nothing from Him. I would go over and over little things I said or did and learn which ones got me in the situation. I learned its not about just cumming for Him or resisting and trying outwait Him and have Him force me or beat me into submission. I learned to open up and submit ..no resistance at anytime..waking everyday ready to serve Him no matter what He throws at me. .. having no secrets. ..telling Him everything and letting Him inside of me. Its not about humiliation or beatings or kink or just sex. It is about submission. Its not about offering him just pussy..its about my ache and need for Him..begging for a word or a touch and begging to be fed in all ways physically and mentally. I offered earlier to burn some incense and take the embers to my nipples to beg Him. asking begging not expecting offering and reaching out never trying to control...resist or manipulate opening all of me to Him, mind and body He taught me slowly with patience ....strength...Dominance and control and discipline...Hard lessons.. Not with abuse..anger...losing control. aggression or force or by demeaning me . Everything He gives it matches a need that is inside of me. I believe He would use force if He felt a true need for it and nothing else worked. I have begged to be forced and He gave me some hard lessons but I had to beg and beg for it ..to cry out from my soul and ask for help to do whatever part it was I was trying to learn. It takes a true Master to keep total control at all times without losing His temper . -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1/27/2014 8:22:55 AM [Report Entry] I am whore, slave, babygirl, slut,holes, the darkness that is black and more...I am whatever He needs . I am trained to give Him what He needs. He always gives me what I need. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1/22/2014 9:43:36 PM [Report Entry] new pic added. very emotional because I am so grateful. Just needing to beg to always serve Him. Coming back down after hours and hours of high..the shaking....after being fed all day off and on. The things He says when I so high and on the waves and how He pushes me over...the things engrained inside of me...forever....the things He says when I know He is pleased.. how it feels to please Him . The things I say and how I beg to keep feeling the full feeling the warmth the high ...feeling Him...being allowed to be near him...its overwhelming. I beg to do anything to make Him feel as He makes me feel. I beg Him to tell me what I can do ...repaying for always feeding me so well. always knowing exactly what I need. Teaching me things I ask to be taught. special rewards given. His subspace feels like the most pleasurable place to be...and when I come down...my mind whirls and starts to slow down..but His voice and the way He feels staying with me...all the senses keep pulsing through me and my replays it over and over and my body still reacting. Remembers saying don't let it stop don't let it stop please keep me full please -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1/22/2014 11:11:08 AM [Report Entry] an entire day of juices being drained .. Journal Entries: 2/13/2014 7:05:02 PM [Report Entry] Some of us are different We need more We pace...we claw...we scream until we breathe perhaps it is because we have been somewhere else before we speak a different language ...we see and feel in a different way..we see what most do not see. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/11/2014 10:13:59 AM [Report Entry] I feel the way He moves by how He speaks. I feel His energy..the Beast within shifting .. I feel it through my being. Begs to lick the dirt He walks on to be allowed contact.....to feel Him moving inside of me..Worships...crawls my Lord. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/8/2014 10:11:38 AM [Report Entry] modified : hears His voice today echoing through my mind over and over saying....I AM going to hurt you...I really am... He took the masochist in me where it needed to go in a new way that I deeply needed..He knew I was ready...through the pain feeling His delicious cock that is like no other plunge deep inside of me He tests the bindings by switching me and striking me ... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/7/2014 12:33:44 PM [Report Entry] It started out with watching Him and my delicious juice needing to run down his shaft to his balls over and over. He kept me there begging and screaming and he thrust into my body and soul over and over taunting me in the way He does . I came hard ...I don't even know how many times... Then quickly I was overtaken and on my back bound tight ...the order of things are not clear because I started flying early on..I know there was a gag and His words burning into my soul about how nobody could save me now and if there were even a safe word it could not be heard through the gag. I seen Him take off his belt and His arms raise... I closed my eyes floating into the pain and into Him ...it made me go higher and higher floating with Him giving Him control...submission...true submission...I felt something shoved in between my legs and something placed in front of it so it didn't slide out. I know He came over me to cut off my air ..He said that He would cum in me and He wanted His cum to be the last thing I felt before light slipped into dark. Its so fuzzy ...its warm like a drunk but the most powerful drunk or high because I float into Him my power all his. I remember uttering something like Master....all of my power is yours...if You were not here I would feel dead...so You do have power over my breathing and living. Each time He cut off my air I would relax into Him....and it would make me soar higher. after I felt His cum burn through me...He loosened the bindings...shaking...just remember shaking but a rush a release a cleasning kind of shaking... there are tears but its needed tears.... Then He started again ...with a rope around my neck ...as my air was again being cut off... I felt him rub against my ass and then penetrate deep inside of me ....as my air was being cut off He came inside of me hard....The look on my face as He took my air ...the look in my eyes.. submission from the core... Total Power Exchange I live it...I cherish it...There are no words to describe the feeling when He takes me down. Its completely letting go and cleansing my soul. To trust someone like no other ..to bare my soul...to let all walls come down and when they do to look up and He is there. To feel Him over me around me and watching me... 2/3/2014 9:34:45 AM [Report Entry] please jsut let the words come the screen is blurry ..i had to drag myself from the floor...he makes water come out of me everywhere...he makes my soul cry out ...it is more than pleading it is more than begging...hystercial...just needing to keep feeling Him ...needing him inside of me ..He digs into my soul ..beyond the flesh ..He makes my soul plead but the only way to communicate is through the flesh...then waves the waves of gratitude wash over me..all of me whirls..my body goes back and forth and my physical parts try to function but all I can do is fly and then sit sobbing ...no control adding on...The strong thrusts he creates inside of me...waves of fire. He burns inside of me. without Him...icy..hollow..numb..suffocation 2/21/2014 9:00:18 AM [Report Entry] Once He is felt it is never forgotten. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/19/2014 8:08:43 PM [Report Entry] Where He takes me to is indescribable. He makes sure every need I have is fulfilled which makes me need to give Him everything I can pull out of inside of me...Doing anything to be allowed to crawl behind Him. To look up and worship His cock . To be allowed His food so I can feel alive. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/19/2014 2:05:07 PM [Report Entry] After my first journal today, He lit me on fire .. After a couple of hours I could not move or speak just still feeling the burning go through me. I begged... I pleaded crawled. masterbated.. it felt like all of me was pulled out to be allowed His food ..offered everything I could think of... I worshipped.. I begged him to feel me ...to feel how much I needed His food His cock ...My cum my juice...serving myself to Him... His food ...absorbing His food..Feeling His bite. His hot breath..His voice His scent.....Tremors...then I fell limp...still barely typing words. His scent everywhere around me ..trying to wrap myself in it...trying to never forget each moment...to savor to cherish...worshipping hoping that I served Him well and that I will get more food. I never know...I never know.I never know. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/19/2014 9:41:05 AM [Report Entry] The Ache to serve Him is like no other pain. It is an ache , pain, yearning, burning,need unlike any other.Burning alive. I know there is no other thing on this earth that can take it away.. Only kneeling and serving . Total worship. Total slavery. It is a pain that could last forever unless my Master comes to take it away. my soul used to clench up to attempt to block it because it is so strong and I knew where He could take me ...He taught me to let go and open to Him feeling full force letting go of reality so I could fly |
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