A Court Scene

                                                          A COURT OF LAW

Judge              Bring in the accused

Enter the accused

Judge      You are accused of breaking into a florists and stealing £100. How do you plead?

Defendant    Like this (falls to his knees)  Please let me go. Please please let me go

Prosecution  What is your name and where do you live?

Judge  I am the Right  Honourable Justice Horlington of Islington

Prosecution    I was addressing the defendant Your Honour

Defendant  I am Horace Wimpole of 7 Gardeners Terrace Cricklewood

Prosecution  (shouts) SO YOU ADMIT IT

Defendant  What? Admit what?

Prosecution    That you are the same Horace Wimpole who broke into a florists and stole £100

Defendant  I never admitted that

Judge    Yes you did I heard you

Defendant  I admitted I'm Horace Wimpole but I never robbed a florist

Judge    I see. Well carry on

Prosecution    Call the first witness      (Witness takes the stand)  You are Mrs Felicity Dogooder of 23 Darby Street?

Witness  Who's asking?

Pros    No need to be nervous Mrs Dogooder. We only want to ascertain what you saw on the night of the 22nd

Witness  When was that?

Pros    That was the night you saw this vile thieving devil break into the florists and steal £100 like the cowardly disgusting piece of vermin that he is.....

Defence Counsel    I object Your Honour

Judge  Objection sustained. It was the 23rd not the 22nd.

Defence      The Defence would like to call a surprise witness Your Honour

Judge    Well go on then

(  A MAN LEAPS UP BY THE SIDE OF THE JUDGE)      BOOOO

Judge    I wish you wouldn't do that

Pros    The prosecution would now like to call  the victim Mr Bowles the florist

Clerk of the court  Will you take the oath please

Mr Bowles  In the beginning God created the Heavens and....

Clerk  Mr Bowles you're supposed to take the Bible in your hand and read the card. Not the other way around 

Pros  Mr Bowles do you recognise your assailant?

Mr Bowles  My what?

Pros  The man who robbed you

Mr Bowles    Where?

Pros    Do you recognise him in this Courtroom?

Mr Bowles  Aye that's him alright. Nasty sneaky looking fellow with his eyes too close together

Pros  Mr Bowles you're looking at the Judge

Judge  I've heard enough. There has been nothing in this trial to make a convincing case and so I direct the jury to deliver a not guilty verdict. The defendant is free to leave the courtroom.

Defendant  Excellent. Does that mean I can keep the money?