Get off depression/ Desire to live

Get off depresion/ Desire to live
No job... The waiting has so much pressure on me, that I have a feeling that something has exploded inside my head. As if something is kicking me in the head. Or squizing with an incredible power. I almost ran out of stamina. It is even hard to sleep.
And then all of a sudden I've turned on a sport channel. Young people made stunts on their mountain bikes. Such stunts the repetition of which seems absolutely impossible. And when you look at them, you forget about the rest.
And then I saw mountain tops covered by snow, and skiers that did something fabulious. They call themselves pro-riders.
I looked at these mountain tops, white snow, at these brave and strong people that amazed me by their mastership. Their audacity, couragesness and willing to win the mountain top impressed me to the very depth of my soul. They did things that seemed impossible. They did unbelievable things! They won the top of the mountains, rapid descents, city parapets. And then suddenlt I realised something very important... Through the screen the very deep love to life of these people interpenetrated me. Yearning for thrill and strong love to life. I realized that everything is possible! That there are people who prove it every day. And I saw that I have so much power. I realized that I can do everything! I believe in myself like I never did before.
And if these people exist, the ones who can handle rapid descents at incredible speed, then my love to life is unlimited. Happiness is love to life! I realized how happy I was as I can live my life the way I want.
And I am so happy to understand it!
I am happy because I could feel how happy I am.
How I love just to live.
Just breathe the air, smile. And create my present and future. The way I see and feel it.
***