Secrets of Riah's Island : Part 1 - She

THE Secrets of Riah’s ISLAND

BOOK 1 - The Girl Who Would Change The World

Prologue

True living begins with the story of love. A love that invades our senses, and paralyzes us to everything but its presence within our lives. When love’s call is answered, the world of true adventure opens its gates, and we are led to discover the ancient secrets that govern and can transform not only our lives, but the hidden powers that can re-create the very foundations of our nations, and alter the destiny of our very world.

With the power of love at our core, we can become the powerful witches and warlords of old, who fight battles that inspire, guide and save the worlds with which we have been entrusted. Guardians of old knowledge, and warriors of new talents, together they weave a new destiny that can channel goodness and foil evil’s plans to dominate and kill life’s magical future.

Mysterious hidden living power exists deep in the Caribbean island of Barbados. Riah has a multi-cultural heritage, Italian, Black, White and Portugese, she is a green-eyed, honey-tanned, curly-haired, brunette and she will become a single mother to a light chocolate young boy, with soft curly hair.

In her quest to discover love and her true destiny, she uncovers ancient trails that network the island’s hidden mysterious past to a pre-historic reality. Her accidental discovery uncovers a dangerous secret that threatens all life, and yet holds the incredible powers needed to save not only the lives of herself and her family, but also to change humanity’s destiny.

Riah is an island child, and all island children are born of true magic! . .

Whether they choose to see, . . . to believe . . .
and to create magic in their worlds,
is and will always be, . . .
their choice!!
The true question is, . . .
“Do you have the courage?”
To uncover your hidden talents & to bless your world?
To become a creature ever conscious of heaven’s abundant blessings
weaving the magic of divine inner light
all through the fabric of your life.

Chapter 1 - The Casual Inquisition

What would you do if you discovered something so incredible, so absolutely amazing that it changed the very way you saw yourself? The way you breathed, the rhythm of your dance, even the intensity of your smile all changed radiantly, simply because the secret inside of you, gave you hope, laughter and a new sense of purpose that changed not only who you thought you were, but who you actually dreamed of becoming, and indeed would become, for the rest of your life.

On the island, still deemed invisible by the outside world, the discovery of a place so breathtakingly isolated and pre-historic was a tantalizing re-affirmation to the inner soul. It was a call to bravely re-discover oneself, and face the world with fresh eyes, new dreams and unassailable hope. The questions about self-identity and a new future could not be forgotten, they coloured every scene you saw, and every interaction you shared with others. A sense of creating your own new, purpose-driven destiny was inescapably revitalizing and limitlessly energizing.

And the call to adventure did and would forever change every inhabitant, even the truly lost, who consider themselves the professionals, though to him, they were more like well programmed robots. He breathed deeply, silencing the excitement that still rippled through him when he allowed his thoughts to wander. More than most, he was well aware of how important image was to the reality people saw around them. It was absolutely vital that these people saw nothing at all.

Silently, inwardly he was squirming, wondering if even now, they knew that he was lying and were simply waiting to force the truth from him with their arsenal of drugs. They were more than capable, their resources unlimited. He was their highest, locally trusted spy, and very often, their carefully costumed chauffeur. It was their means of casually liaising with him to execute unsanctioned trips or to gather unauthorized information from their many contacts, who were always more than willing to leak information in return for the green magic that runs and rules this world.

“Are you certain, that you have heard nothing? No trace of anything unusual? No disappearances or discoveries of any type?” the cigarette smoke swirled into the silent, exquisitely furnished consulate room, as he stood before the three men who employed his services. “Nothing real, gentlemen. There have been rumours but only foolishness about voodoo or black magic. The local “obeah”, but there is certainly nothing concrete, nothing that would suggest any threat to the island’s political or economic stability. Only the typical surface squabbles over light drugs have been reported, along with the normal teenage fights, occasional family disputes and political posturing.” Peter Mathews, one of his many names, stood erect, military training briefly showing itself in the broad developed strength of his upper body, as he stretched slightly, his body language calculated to help reinforce the “truth” he sought to convey.

“If anything does surface, use this to contact us. It will reach us directly.” The innocuous, old-fashioned looking, walkie-talkie, was obviously anything but innocent. The three men were sprawled casually across the chairs and sofas in the room. They had all reached a similar consensus. There was no threat here, the island could safely be left unattended, while they helped to handle the many crises that had recently developed back home.

Peter picked up the instrument from the desk, casually checking to ensure that it was powered off. He would take no chances, straight into the nearest safe, the equipment would be going. Certainly, not on his person, the absence of a light was no guarantee that the GPS was inactive, and he would be no-one’s puppet. Mr Smith stood, offering the package in his hand. “We will be leaving within the next week, until then, you will be expected to assist various embassy staff in the wrap up and send off of various parcels as we close the consulate down. It has been great working with you Peter.” Out came the flash of green magic, and a goodwill deposit of twenty-five thousand US dollars was delivered in rubber band-wrapped, neat piles within the large, plain brown envelope. “Keep this, I am sure it will come in useful. The two unofficial vehicles, the jeep and the car are yours to keep. The consulate vehicles will of course be put up for a quick sale.”

The test had been passed, and Peter’s serious smile reached his eyes and he looked directly in the eyes of at the top military attaché and the island’s designated ambassador. “Thank you Sir. I hope I will be seeing you all again in the near future.” Peter’s firm handshake met the Mr Smith’s old, but strong grip. He respected the old man, who had always been dignified and honourable, acting with only integrity, in all his interactions over the past five years. Yes, Peter thought to himself, Mr Smith could be trusted, if ever things did get out of hand on the island, he could rely Mr Smith to help find a politically discreet solution to the problem. For now however, Mr Smith, and his army of helpful advisors really were not needed, it was best that they leave, unaware and focused only on the problems of the vast country abroad, that they called home. He averted his eyes downward, as unexpectedly he could feel the giddy magic of the secret threatening to explode through his smile, and yet, his cover must remain unquestioned by these well-connected, powerful men.

The afternoon suddenly felt crystal clear, and the Caribbean sunshine smiling through the lazy blue skies outside the sweeping glass doors, were framing a beautiful picturesque fantasy of the endless adventure soon to be his to freely explore. With a composed turn, he politely raised his gaze to each of the three men, “Good afternoon gentlemen.” With a brief nod of respect, he left the room, tactfully closing the door behind him. Ever conscious of the hidden cameras, he continued calmly downstairs and off the property. For now, at least, the island’s secret was still safe.

Barbados was one of those ideal places. Ideally located as a stepping stone between the large African continent, and the basin of the lower Americas, as such, it represented as strategic zone, that would forever be of military interest. Its people were well-educated, and happily lived within the economically and politically stable, island paradise, that they had developed. There were hidden agendas however, that operated beneath the guise of the open paradise, hidden realities that all so often frame the picturesque world, the islanders and all the world could see.

Peter was one of the faceless gate keepers, who saw the different worlds that existed within a single place. It was his job to decide how much to reveal and to conceal, to whom and when. In his current other jobs, he was simply a part-time worker within any number of places. Brown eyes and tanned skin, kind, unassuming features that could easily at will become imbued with smooth inviting, persuasively sexy, good looks or harden into the distant mask of a professional killer – intent and attitude defined his appearance. He was a man always in control.

He had taken a big risk in keeping his information quiet, but he was working with the young girl. Funny, she was a grown woman, but in his eyes, she was simply a lovely, sensible young girl. She could be trusted, and since he was in charge of creating and managing her team, and all her resources, the risk to him was very controllable. Untill he saw a definite danger, there was no harm in continuing to investigate quietly, if and when he needed foreign assistance, it would always be there. As hard and untouchable as he saw himself, in the quietest part of the night, surrounded by that other hidden world, even he could admit to being intensely moved by the discovery that would change all of their lives.

She was just a girl, but her discovery, and how it was handled would forever change this world.


Chapter 2 The Shadows Whisper (Summer 1983)

The premonitions had always been part of her life. Sometimes they only revealed little issues, but from childhood, the shadows and their messages have always spoken to her mind. Others would joke about hearing ghosts or playing with evil spirits, but honestly, it really never felt like that to her. Riah, who always felt surrounded by the deeply entrenched Catholicism of her family, knew she was safe, even when as a typical teen, she rebelliously questioned the existence of a loving God. The presence of those quiet flash conversations were no less intense, simply because she felt could not talk about them.

They were the flashes of conversations just about to occur, they were the whispers of danger that would occasionally re-direct her path, they were the warnings to pray, to immediately seal her in protection when evil stalked nearby. They were vividly remembered warnings in dreams that changed her decisions, her choices and her actions. She never spoke of them, but she always obeyed. She had always known that the ancients controlled her destiny, and their shadows spoke to her.

Riah looked at herself before the mirror in the early morning light. Strong green eyes looked back, calm and fearless in an oval face, with shoulder length dark brown hair, full of large curly spirals that had their own sense of fashion. She stretched, as early morning thoughts tumbled through her mind, “Portuguese, Italian, White and Black, I am a potpourri of races. As a child, I didn’t appreciate the importance of a mixed heritage, but eventually, it has become blessing I have grown to appreciate.” She blew herself a quick kiss in the mirror, and thought about how awesome God was, to create beautiful people of every description to fill this world of adventure.

Childhood had passed her conscious mind in a mass of loving family memories. Life was private school, with plenty of lessons in the afternoon. Vacations were spent in the beach homes on the east coast of the island, where families would meet, and children would frolic under the hot sun, as the Atlantic Ocean pounded the reefs. The televisions couldn’t pick up any clear signal, even the radios struggled to reach the music lost in the salty mist, shimmering in the air, from the pummeling of the sands by the thundering surf of the Atlantic Ocean. The quiet magic of bonfires twinkled along the beach at twilight, scattered young children sang peaceful songs to the stars, happily gorging on buttery pop-corn and goey marshmallows, that quivered on long sticks cautiously held near the flickering tongues of hungry flames. Chattering teens strolled the long beach in long groups, some occasionally crab-hunted by torchlight, happily enjoying the camaraderie of summer friendships.

Signals came, and always Riah listened. On the beach, by the rolling flames of a massive bonfire, the eager children pulled the heavy coconut fronds from near and far, to enjoy the ravaging beauty that warmed their smiling faces. She saw him fall into the fire, before it happened. He was struggling with the weight of a heavy branch, and he moved to the inside to better position the branch. Somehow the edge of the pit, simply caved in, and he was lying before her, with the flames licking all over his body. It began to happen and she threw away her branch, struggling to grab his arm and stop his fall backwards into the fire. She was not strong enough, she missed a good grip and she couldn’t hold his weight. She reached out for him again, bracing her legs in the sun-warmed, dry, loose sand. His shoulder went down, and she pulled with all her might, struggling to keep her balance, as he teetered on the fragile burning heap, beginning to descend with his weight. Her pull helped him to half roll out of the burning pit.

He cried for days from the pain of his wounds. She shivered in the dark, hearing his sobs and screams, after he returned from hospital on that first night. His family had rented to top of the beach house, and Riah’s family had rented the bottom level, but no-one really slept that night.

In the beginning she was frightened that she could never see the shadows, but as time passed, she accepted their invisible presence, because with every fibre of her being, she knew that the shadows were good, and that they had her best interest in mind. Had she not been close, had she not seen the warning vision, he would not have escaped. Riah told no-one, and all through her life, when the miracles have happened, she was quiet. The thoughts came again, “I endanger none, but I listen, I learn and I help when I can.” In the background, the secret knowledge always reverberated in her mind, . . “the shadows know best.”

In all of memories, one overwhelming premonition had always flirted through both her dreams and her conscious life. “There will come a powerful dark man, and if you are strong, you will survive, and the rest of your life will be blessed.” And yet, spiraling through her sense of self, was the understanding that her life would always be protected by living angels, no matter what anyone else said or believed, Riah “knew” that spirits roamed her island, and that good spirits surrounded her. No child speaks of the gentle grasses that bend away from the wind’s touch, or of the soothing caress of sunlight’s shimmering mist that dances with the energy spirals, which curl away from the outstretched arms. The soft, hidden breezes whisper secretly in the shadowed gardens, as flowers shiver in sunny delight. To the lucky, the secret flow of island magic simply exists, and unbidden, it lives deliciously close.

In the beginning, nothing came for many years, about the future that was to change the world, only the overpowering sense that in the end, her survival would depend on her preparation, mentally, physically and spiritually. The shadows spoke and she would always obey. It was simply understood, that she had agreed to follow Fate. Just like wavering intentions of humanity, Fate too has her own plan, and most of the time, as part of humanity, we are but some of her creatures who must and will follow her path.

So it was that education beckoned, and safe in the secret trust of the shadows, Riah found herself happily enrolled at the University of The West Indies on the island. Her curly auburn hair glinted with nature’s kiss of sun streaked highlights, her smile enjoyed the breeze coasting down the hill after the quick ride up. The university was located in the middle of a steep hill, so either way, on a bike, it would always be some good exercise. It was a rough pull back home. She lived half-way across the island and did not have access to a car during the day. Riah tried the bus, but standing at a bus stop was torturous, especially when each minute could be more effectively used on completing and properly presenting any of her several outstanding assignments.

“It always comes back to the bike,” she mused, as the wind tossed her long reddish curls back over her shoulder. “Honestly,” she thought to herself, “I really don’t know how other students do it.” The heavy straps of the packed knap sack bit into her shoulders, as she steadied herself at the 3rd of 4 round-abouts. “There is no way, I will ever take this route again!” She said to herself bitterly, as her muscles ached away at the hilly climb near her home. Her parents had their own responsibilities at work, and extra money was not flying around, so a better alternative had to be discovered, because quitting university was simply not an option.

The opportunity rose quite by accident, as she made friends with the students in her many classes. Some of them were from a neighboring island, and three of the girls were actually sharing the rental of a nearby house. Days spent studying at the university library eventually became early morning arrivals and late afternoon departures from their home, with intermittent breaks to attend her classes haphazardly scheduled during each day.

“Why don’t you just sleep over? There is more than enough room, we have already discussed it, and we have agreed. It really is fine with us.” came the voices of my future room-mates. Beautiful faces of the girls, Indian, Black and Chinese looked at me, with my mixed Portuguese heritage of fair skin and long curly hair staring straight back with a friendly smile. “Besides we will all study more effectively together.” It was decided, and Riah moved in.

It was first year university, and with exhaustion in her bones, Riah hit her father’s car. “Totally my fault,” she mused regretfully, “and now honour being more than a concept, I need a part-time job to pay off the repair fees that the insurance company has fronted on my behalf.” She smiled ruefully, as she confided to her potential employer. There was an answering smile from the older lady as she answered, “We need some-one on a permanent, but part-time basis to do accounts for our company. Would you be interested in taking that position?” Talk about the shadows lining up opportunities! “Definitely”, Riah smiled, “but honestly, I can only work part-time, because I am at university, and there is one other issue. In less than six months, I will need time off, because I really want to go to carnival in Trinidad, with my friends in February.” The golden haired, new employer smiled at her mother, and nodded her assent. “Great, Riah, it can all most definitely be arranged.” came the smiling response.

So it was, that Christian, academically focused friends offered me a very reasonable rent for a place to board near university, and a company offered me a part-time job. Yes, the shadows definitely felt like they were on my side, but I was to learn that sometimes, even they couldn’t protect me from destiny’s plan.

Chapter 3 - The Premonitions Foretold

Eventually, after a fabulous, but uneventful carnival and the first two years of university-life, my room-mates went back to their island homes, and I left with final year of university left to complete, secured a two-bedroom apartment of my own for what I considered the reasonable sum. What a bargain, that was until I met the veiled threat, who also lived in the apartment block. His name was Daren, and he was so spectacular a specimen of maleness, that he could easily take his pick. “I am so, not interested” Riah reminded herself every time she saw him arrive down-stairs, to borrow some salt, to return a large pot, or simply to chat.

Strangely, the shadows sent no warning, but maybe because for once, Riah was too busy listening to other instincts.

The fascinating thing about the law of relationships is the reality of physical attraction. His tall broad-shouldered body was smoothly flowing through the martial arts routines, grace and immense power balanced by a truly impressive physique. “Why does he have to use my side of the apartment to hang out his clothes, and why does he feel the urge to practice his karate down here in front of my apartment?” It would be wasted breath she knew, to utter these thoughts aloud, but the idea teased her imaginary confidence none-the-less. As if she could ever dare be so rude. The reality was that this quiet, confident man was a threat, and far more palpable a danger, than any smooth talking arrogant show-off could ever be.

The apartment was built into the side of a hill, in an awkward format. The bottom, two-bedroom apartment had a lovely open deck like area, almost like a parking garage, with large columns, and no sides, looking out over the hillside garden, to the avenues of trees and homes below. Above were two cascading layers of apartments laid out with side entrances, which enabled privacy and beauty, rather than the typical box structure of modern buildings. The roof deck was another beautiful design element, accessible to all, and open to the starry heavens of the cool Caribbean nights.

“Hi Riah, may I have some of your salt, we have run out.” He stood casually filling my open doorway, and blocking my view of the beautiful evening sunlight, that dwindling, had almost disappeared behind the large, sweet-smelling trees in the garden. I was happily curled up at my wooden kitchen table, books spread before me as I read up in preparation for final year university. “Sure” came my smiling response, as I untangled my legs.

Every day it seemed, he would find a reason to visit. Either she was reading a novel, studying or cooking up a storrm. She didn’t really mix with the other girls in the apartment block, actually she didn’t really seem to mix with anyone, and yet, she was always happy and at peace. She could have chosen anyone, with those green smiling eyes, the run-away brown curls, and that toned body that enjoyed a good bicycle ride on the nearby hills almost every day. There was something simply captivating about her, and yet, she was frustratingly, simply happy.

It was just plain wrong, he decided. She didn’t seem to need anyone, and that was another part of her allure. Girls were always tongue-tied, and falling over themselves to say hello, and yet, this one completely ignored him. When she did interact, it was without any hidden intentions, or strategic maneuvering, he could have been anyone at all, she was plain, old-fashioned nice, and that was it. Yet, there was a strange aura about her, an awareness, and it practically shouted. “Behave like a gentleman and treat me as the lady I am, or leave me alone.” It was not a challenge, nor in any way, an approach, it was simply the way that she saw herself, and the way she intended to govern her world.

She was simply tantalizing, he decided. His tanned brown skin touched her hand as he accepted the salt, the touch almost sparkled, and she lowered her eyes quickly. Uncertain feelings ran through her body, and she moved a safe distance back. “Have you ever heard of the Illuminati?” came the strange question from his lips. Of all things to say, he berated himself. Still, just maybe mystery might intrigue her enough to soften up her guard. “Come up on the roof deck with me. I want to show you something.”

“I am in the middle of reading” came the whispered reply. “Yes, but it won’t take long. Besides the semester has only now started and we have no assignments yet. Come on, it won’t take long.” He smiled most disarmingly, and his voice held the mild, smooth tones of an educated and trust-worthy man. She was nervous, but he had been nothing but polite and gentle. Thoughts raced through her mind, “It would look so silly to say no. We are only going to the rooftop, out in the open. Maybe some of the other tenants will also be there.” Comforted with this thought, she acquiesced shyly with a nod. His presence overwhelmed her, so upstairs would be better than down here, where the cozy feel of her apartment, almost seemed to welcome him inside. Worse yet, he showed absolutely no sign of leaving, so upstairs was definitely the most intelligent decision.

The smooth chocolate of his skin called to her as they walked up the three short flights of stairs to the roof. “I wonder what it would feel like underneath my fingers?” came the silly thought that she instantly dismissed.

“Come Riah, sit on the ledge, and look out over the terrace.” Daren slightly ahead of me, had already taken a seat on the low wall of the roof. Before us was a long stretch of gently sloping shingled roof. The night was beautiful, the moon literally hung before them like a enormous glowing ornament in the early twilight sky. She was beautiful, her dark tresses dancing in the light breeze, her eyes hidden in shadows and the little silhouette of her pert nose, perfectly still as obediently, she sat on the wall near his leg. Daren reminded himself of the plan. “I dare not mention her beauty, any signal of my interest in her will surely send her running. So beautiful, but so lost in a world that I do not want to know, and will never choose to enter. Yet, I cannot help myself, she drowns me. I cannot leave her alone. Silently I feel her spirit speaking to mine, and I can’t walk away. Slowly does it,” he thought to himself, as he said “Close your eyes, peep through them and stare at the air around you. Look deeply and take your time. Tell me Riah, what do you see.”

The light purples and warm blues of a dusky Caribbean night spiraled before us amid many twinkling stars, and from below, the mingled shadows of dancing tree branches & sleepy homes, creating almost a hypnotic landscape, no less majestic than the magical presentation of the grandest opera. “I see swirling dust” came my reply a few moments later, and hidden behind me, his voice weaved its spell. “Yes, the sparkle of magic, the dust of creation. Some people are sensitive to the energies that swirl through the universe, and all around them. I am going to try an experiment Riah. I am going to place my hand behind your back, but near to you. Close your eyes, and see if you can feel the energy that is coming from the palm of my hand.”

Awareness rippled through her. She knew exactly where his hand was, though she could not feel the warmth of his skin. She could sense the position of his entire body, as though the shadows displayed it clearly before her closed eyes. Even the curls of her hair were visible to her senses. And slowly, from a distance, always simply just a friend, who happened to be around, he began the seduction of her mind.

He was not for her. With every atom of her being, she knew that he would never, could never belong in her world. He was too different, his memories and his pain too real, too deep. She walked free and happily in the sunlight, and he walked only at peace with the shadows. They held hands across a wide chasm, their feet securely planted into two separate realities. Together they could see each other, and reach out to one another, but each could see only the future of their own, separate world, and there was no future, in which they could exist together.

He shared the secrets of his past, the pain of memories that silently walked within him. She spoke of her past, her family, her dreams and her hopes. She shared her joy, and he shared his pain. Only later would she learn the secret truth, that would refine her understanding of reality, and re-ignite her faith. Some wounds of the spirit, may take a long time to heal, and some may never heal, even in the presence of love.

It was a discreet affair. Her friends and family all disapproved, but the world turned over within their apartment block. The sun shone fresh rays of discovery on the puppy love they both created, and she desperately fought to develop. It was impossible and unrealistic yet the powerful connection between them existed. They remained drawn together by invisible forces that neither could conquer, though on so many occasions, both tried. He left the island only to return to her doorstep, she sought by others, could see only him. It was doomed from the start, and they both knew it, but neither could fight the pull of destiny’s plan. A future between the two worlds would exist, but neither could envision what was to come, and so they continued to battle destiny’s plan.

Chapter 4 The Defining Choice

For a couple of years, Riah took a very demanding yet secure job at a prestigious financial services company. Then reality shifted, and her vision of her future was no longer to be a realistic option.

“Kay, the truth is, that life is so much easier when guys make mistakes. Either they are presumptuous and rude or they are forward and bold. Then it is all really simple. Their mistake gives you the opportunity to politely and permanently excuse yourself from ever entertaining their presence. The problem with smart men, is that they don’t make stupid mistakes. The truth is that although you know, you should run as far as possible in the opposite direction, from these devastatingly handsome and very intelligent men, they make absolutely sure, that in no possible way, do they provide any reason for your rude dismissal of them. So you slowly get stuck! And gradually, because you grow to accept their polite, intelligent and friendly banter, you start to trust them, and a friendship builds. That is exactly how you become seduced!!” I almost shouted in frustration, “and now there is nothing I can do about it!”

Riah looked down at her round tummy, already she could feel the kicking child. “It would be a boy,” she decided, and he would be beautiful, of that she had no doubt. The discussions went on endlessly but her choice was final. She was going to have this sweet child, whether or not, fatherhood was his choice. She was determined that she would accept nothing from him, ever. Furthermore, if God and his angels so decreed, she would be a single parent, and if not, only a man, a real man, who understood the importance of God and family-life, would ever be given the chance to steal her love away.

Her heart broke into tears once again. The pain flooded her being, even as her mind wrestled to regain control. “You could harm the baby! It is not good to weep and sob like this!” Her mind spun on overdrive, doubts and questions tore at her soul. The shadows were there, silently reaching out their comfort, but the message was clear, this child was meant to be. “I have no choice, having this innocent little soul, is my only choice.” Riah wrapped her arms around her body, hugging herself, comforting herself as she spoke to her own silent ears. “It will be okay, it will be all right. You are safe, you are always protected, and it will all work out. This child is special, he is meant to be part of my life. With or without his father. This child is my child, and I will take care of you, my sweet little one.” The tears flowed like a cooling rain, gently rolling down her face to drip softly on her blouse, and roll down onto her slightly raised stomach. She hugged herself to sleep, the future held her dreams gently. The child was born, and he was indeed beautiful. Sweet cinnamon skin, dark brown eyes, beautiful features and soft curly hair that would be the envy of many. His name would be Jay, and peace enfolded them both. The secret would be kept, and the young priest of old magic hidden.

Sadly, there was little point in pursuing any other course of action. Bravely she faced the world alone.