A Remorse

A Remorse

"It's been a long time since you met your Grandma. Why don't you just go and pay her a visit?" said my Mom while helping me clean my room.

"Yeah Mummy, I will, just give me some time. I am so tired and exhausted you know. The studies have really taken a toll on me. It's been so long that I had a peaceful sleep. Let me rest now since my exams are over." I replied confident that I have subsided the matter, although temporarily.

"You just keep saying this all the time. Studies and all these enjoyments will go on. You have your entire life for all these! But think of your Grandmother! She loves you deeply and is so curious to meet you. You just can't be so indifferent. This time no excuses. You are going to her place tonight. And that's final." She said and went away slamming the door before I could even utter anything.

"Yeah and you keep forcing me to do things I am not interested in". I muttered.

My grandmother lived in our ancestral village around 20 miles away from our place. After my grandfather's demise, my parents persuaded her to come and stay with us. But she didn't let in. With time, her ailments aggravated and her condition deteriorated, yet she preferred to stay alone in the village. She believed that it was her real home and the best place for her last life. My parents visited her at regular intervals. As a child, I used to usually accompany them but as I grew up somehow I wasn't comfortable hence I started skipping it. With time, that detachment grew and I had started liking it this way.

But my grandmother adored me a lot and always desired of seeing me, talking to me and spending time with me. I remember whenever I went to see her, she had an assortment of items ready to give me. My favorite guava grown in the orchard, a handful of nuts, various toys made of clay and other small gifts. She would even every time manage to cook my favorite chicken as serve me with utmost care, attention and affection. I grew up and these things which used to fascinate before, began to bore me and subsequently irritate me. As I approached my adolescence, I began to hate all these frequent trips and stay in the village with no internet connectivity, not even a proper mobile network. Hence, I started complaining of trivial alibis like stomach ache to avoid the jaunt. Later on when I went to college, I openly rejected the idea of visiting.

Till now I haven't been able to exactly construe the reason for my lackadaisical attitude towards her. Partly because I believed that she in a way was troubling my parents by not staying with us and frequently summoning them in small ailments. I thought it was her way of garnering attention and accentuating her importance in the family. Hence, I began to dislike her. But my mother always insisted on visiting her and this time she had said it so firmly.

Hence, I was left with no other option than visiting my grandmother. But I even wanted to attend my friend Rinki's birthday bash at her farmhouse. I was really perplexed and wasn't able to decide what to do? Confused I was glancing through a magazine, when I heard a beep in my phone. It was a message from Rinki asking me to be there on time. I didn't reply to the message. I actually didn't know what to? I didn't want to give her party a miss but I even had to listen to my Mom's order!!

Few minutes later, my phone again vibrated. This time it was my ringtone hence it was a call. A call from Rinki. Somehow, still in a quandary, I picked up her call.

"Hello, Rinki!! What's up?" I asked trying to conceal my displeasure.

"Hey, hello Ria!!" Hope you are getting ready for the party? Any special arrangements required? Just let me know" she exclaimed enthusiastically.

"Hmm...no, it's alright" I said trying to sound normal.

"Oh! Come on. Don't be disheartened. Your special friend is too invited" she chuckled and others around her giggled. "So you are coming, right??"

"Hmm...there seems to be a problem actually" I replied hesitatingly with an intention of expressing my dilemma.

"What? Why? Your parents never objected to our previous get-togethers. And this is just another party. Come on! Just talk to them. I am sure they will be convinced". Rinki said trying to resolve the issue.

"It's not about allowing, Rinki". I said with a dissatisfied tone.

"Then, what is it?" she asked eagerly.

"My Mom wants me to visit my Grandmother today. So it won't be possible for me to attend your party." I stated.

"Oh!!! What do we do then? I really want you to come dear. You will be missed." Rinki exclaimed sadly.

"Yeah, I know. Even I myself want to join the party. It will be so much fun. But can't help it either". I could feel my confused voice reverberating.

"Hey, I have a brilliant idea!" Rinki suddenly exclaimed. "Why don't you call your grandmother and ask her to confirm your parents that you are in her place for the night and instead you can come to my farmhouse and enjoy the pool party? What's say??"

"You want me to ask my Grandma to lie to my parents for me? Do you think she will do that?" I asked disbelievingly.

"Yes. Why not? All grandparents love their grandchildren dearly. Moreover you can just tell her that you will visit her some other day. I am sure she won't object. Just try once Ria!!" Rinki said trying to convince me.

"Okay. Let me see if I can talk to her". I exclaimed.

"Please Ria, Please try and come. We all will have a blast" Rinki said and finally saying a bye and see you soon she disconnected the call.

Here I was more confused than before of what to do? Should I actually ask my Grandma to lie on my behalf? Will she agree to this? What if Mom gets to know about this? But how will she know, after all?

Will Grandma disclose this to Mom if I ask her not to? What if she does? All kinds of conflicting thoughts and apprehensions crossed my mind. Totally indecisive and not being able to reach a conclusion, I finally picked up my phone and dialled my Grandma's number.

After three long rings, she answered the call.

"Hello, Grandma. How are you doing?" I tried to appear normal somehow taming my conscience.

"Ria beta!!!! How are you my child? It's been long hearing from you? Why don't you please come to me dear, once? Have lots to share with you, my darling"! Her voice was filled with delight and energy was oozing out of her frail throat.

I somehow managed the battle between my conscience and desire with the latter being victorious. Hence, finally I spoke:

"Grandma, you love me right? So won't you do a small favour to me?" I said trying to hit at her Achilles Heel.

"Oh yes, my dear. Why not? Please tell me what it is that I can do for you?" she exclaimed in a promising tone.

"I have a friend's birthday party tonight and Mom wants me to see you today. All I want you to do is just convey to Mom that I am with you at your place. She will believe in you. I can instead go and enjoy my friend's party. Will you do this for me, Grandma?" I asked her.

There was silence at the other end. I waited for her reply but she was still quiet. Finally breaking the silence, I again questioned her. "Grandma, did you hear me? Are you going to do this for me? C'mon Grandma! I have all my friends coming. We will enjoy a lot together. Don't you want me to be happy?"

"Oh! Yes. Sure my child. I want you to be smiling and happy always. Okay, I will do it for your sake. I shall talk to your mother. Don't worry. You enjoy your party". She said it with a conspicuous sigh.

I ignored her dialogues after that. She asked me to take care of myself and focus on my career. She even wished me all the good luck and gave her blessings for a bright future. I managed to utter an occasional yes, okay like short words and finally hung the phone without even saying a thank you.

But after I disconnected, I realized that it was the first time she didn't ask me to visit her. It appeared a bit bizarre. But then, I thought it was good that I don't have to make new excuses every time to procrastinate the visit. Leaving those thoughts aside, I quickly texted Rinki confirming my presence and started preparing for the party. Finally, I bid a goodbye to Mom who, under the assumption that I was going to Grandma's place, gave me some packed dishes and few woollen clothes for her, eyeing the approaching winter. I had thought by then that we will enjoy the dish and dump the woollen wear as such at Rinki's place. After all, who is going to know? I already had Grandma in my confidence.

I opened the door of the car and moved in. Somehow, I was getting a jittery feeling although I couldn't ascertain the reason. Still, I overpowered all those thoughts, turned on the ignition and drove in to Rinki's farmhouse. All my weird, inexplicable state of mind just vanished the moment I saw my friends howling and shouting. I just quickly ran to bump on to Rinki.

Seeing me, the noise further peaked and it was just impossible to hear owing to the loud music. I easily led myself into the enjoyment. We all danced till we were all very tired. Rinki then cut the cake and then began the real party. Everyone further danced, drank and shouted on the top of their voices. I, a teetotaller till then, got so drunk and sloshed that I almost lost my senses. It was all so fun and simply perfect! It was indeed one of the most awesome and happening experience. I thanked Rinki for suggesting the idea. I was really happy.

I woke up in the morning to find myself in the bed beside Rinki. I tried to get up but couldn't as I had a bad hangover. Rinki gave me some herbal tea and asked to take some rest. I saw the time and it was 10:00 AM.

"Oh God! I should better leave, else Mom will doubt." I exclaimed, to which Rinki initially protested but eventually gave in. So, I started my car and drove in back to my place. On parking in the garage, I looked in the mirror and checked my face for any noticeable signs of yesterday's tipsy spree. Convinced there was no trace of it, I went into the house and knocked.

My mom opened the door and before she could have flooded me with questions like what you did, how did you feel, and what did Grandma say; I told Mom that I had a chat with Grandma till late in the night and that I could not sleep the entire night because of the power cut and mosquitoes.

"So Mom, please don't disturb me. I ought to have some rest" I said evading further questions.

"But did you have anything in the breakfast?" she asked concerned.

"Oh Mom! Please wake me up before lunch." I said and shut the door behind me.

Without any further thoughts, I went to sleep.

I don't know how long I must have slept. I heard a knock at the door. I didn't feel like responding. Few seconds later, my Mom came in and sat beside me.

She was sobbing. The sound of her cry woke me up. I hurriedly got up and sat in the bed.

"What happened Mummy? Why are you crying? Is everything alright?" I just asked every possible question.

She still spoke nothing but was sobbing. I consoled her, gave her a glass of water, made her relax a bit and then again asked.

After a seemingly long time of silence, she sighed "Ria, your Grandma is no more! She left us for heavenly abode a while before. She was not keeping well since few days. May be she was waiting to have a sight of you. And that you visited her yesterday might have fulfilled her last desire."

I froze. There was a consternation accompanied with pangs of guilt. I couldn't move nor could I sense or hear to what Mom said next.

She then patted my back, told me to keep calm and stood up to leave. Just about to close the door, she looked back and said: "Ria! I forgot to tell you. Your Grandma has left all her property, jewellery and possessions in your name".