Joe Lewis Search for the perfect pencil

Joe Lewis Search for the perfect lucky Number 2 pencil to take the GRE

852 words

Joe Lewis was applying for an MFA. He was an aspiring novelist but had not yet published and had decided to quit his day job as an insurance fraud investigator and return to school full-time. He hoped that would help him write the Great American novel and film script of said novel.

He was 45 years old and hated his life. He hated his job, hated his boss, hated the soul-destroying nature of investigating fraud because he saw every single day how much fraud there was both in the applicants committing fraud and his bosses fraudulently denying claims on the flimsiest excuses making people make endless appeals.

The latest corporate fraud was AI Bot mass rejections. A human being was supposed to review each appeal, but they almost always did not read the appeal if the AI program had flagged it for denial. They were forcing people to file endless appeals and wade through the customer service hellhole that corporations had set up, The result was that most customers gave up. He was sick of it. His novel would be about insurance fraud – getting away with murder.

With that in mind, he turned to his next task – picking the perfect good luck pencil set for the upcoming GRE. He had an option of doing it online or sitting in a room with actual people taking the test the old-school way with the proverbial number two pencil at hand. Fewer and fewer people were doing the paper test, and there were rumors that it would soon be done only online. As a fraud officer, he knew that online tests would be inherently filled with fraudsters. Just the nature of the beast and he hoped that the old-school tests would make a comeback.

With that thought in mind, he went down to the office supply closet went through the pencil inventory, and finally found the perfect number two pencil set complete with a handheld sharpener. He was ready.
He went home and did his final practice tests using the number two pencil and ensuring he filled out every box. Furthermore, he was so ready.

With the lucky number two pencil, he aced the test and could go to work and tell his startled boss

I have something to tell you.

Yeah?

“Yeah, listen to this”

And he played the classic song on the corporate loudspeaker throughout the building.

“Take this job and shove it”

Take this job and shove it
I ain't working here no more
My woman done left
And took all the reasons I was working for
You better not try to stand in my way
As I'm a-walking out the door
Take this job and shove it, I ain't working here anymore
I've been working in this factory
For now 15 years
All this time I watched my woman
Drowning in a pool of tears
And I've seen a lot of good folks die
That had a lot of bills to pay
I'd give the shirt right off my back
If I had the guts to say
Take this job and shove it
I ain't working here no more
My woman done left
And took all the reasons I was working for
You better not try to stand in my way
As I'm a-walking out the door
Take this job and shove it, I ain't working here anymore
Well, the foreman he's a rigging dog
The line boss, he's a fool
He has got a brand-new flattop haircut
Lord, he thinks he's cool
One of these days, I'm gonna blow my top
And that sucker, he's gonna pay
Lord, I can't wait to see their faces
When I get the nerve to say
Take this job and shove it
I ain't working here no more
My woman done left
And took all the reasons I was working for
You better not try to stand in my way
As I'm a-walking out the door
Take this job and shove it, I ain't working here anymore
Take this job and shove it



YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gj2iGAifSNI

Johnny Paycheck - Take This Job And Shove It (Audio) - YouTube


At the end of the song he said,

I am off to get an MFA and write the great American novel. It will feature people from work and some of the cases we had. The title will be ‘How to Get Away with Murder and Collect Life Insurance – True Stories from the Insurance Field Battles.”

Bob, used to Joe’s tirades, merely said,

“Well, lots of luck with that. And remember your NDA covers fiction etc. so you have to pre-clear anything you publish about your work here or face litigation. When are you out of here?”

“One month”

“Good. Your position is being redesigned to be done by an AI bot.”

Joe walked out into the main hall and was welcomed by a standing ovation. Many people promised to send his true stories for use in his novel.

Joe walked home and said to his wife,

“Thank God for my lucky number two pencil”.

Personal note:

I worked for six years as a visa fraud investigator for the State Department. The real fraud is how our visa system is so dysfunctional and broken that fraud is rampant and endemic. And our attempts to fix the broken system seem to go nowhere. As long as the immigration paperwork looked fine, it was approved because no one talked to the applicant until the visa interview. At that point, it was almost impossible to stop and investigate fraudulent cases. Our motto was “Hold your nose and issue it.”

Regarding fraud, a similar pattern occurs, including the massive corporate fraud involved in mass denials without any human review forcing people to file endless appeals, and best of luck trying to talk to a human being who will take your case seriously!

And finally, as GRE tests migrate online, there will be an increase in fraudulent test-taking. I hope the old-school test complete with number 2 pencils continues as an option.