A Moment

Disclaimer: Okay this is just something to help me from being sued LOL, anyways I do not nor will i ever own any of the characters in the TV show, just wanted to expand my area of writing so trying this out. I am making no profit out of this and I am merely writing it for my own enjoyment.

Season : Between Season 6 - Season 7

Summary: A rare look into Buffy Summers Thoughts

Spoilers: A few

Author's Notes: This is my first attempt at a Buffy fanfiction so bear with me :) Please be gentle LoL

A MOMENT

Being a slayer wasn't something I chose, it chose me. I was never asked my opinion, or asked what I wanted my life to be. I suppose it would have been nice to have been consulted but what could they tell a girl like me? Oh hey, we're the powers above and well you're our Slayer for this century, it basically means you get to risk your neck and well kill a lot of nasty beasties..oh yeah that would have worked. At the time of my life when I discovered my powers, I would have probably laughed in their faces and called them freaks. These powers are both a blessing and a curse, I can protect all those I care about but at the same time place them in the worst peril they have ever known.

Dying wasn't part of the plan either, but seems I did. I did it to save the key who just happened to be in the form of my little sister, it's a long story trust me. After that I was in heaven, there was no pain and no need for me to fight anymore. So I stopped caring and let go of the physical world, only those closest to me wouldn't let me go. They ripped me from my heavenly life and forced me back into the harsh realities of this world, that's where I am now. Recovering from my forced exit from Heaven back to the hell that Earth is in comparision. Seems they didn't think to remove me from the ground before performing this little ritual of theirs, I can still remember the fear and the confusion as I opened my eyes to find myself locked in a coffin.

I fought for my freedom and for my life once again, I suppose I should be grateful but how is one supposed to be happy when I knew Heaven itself? I knew the wonder of peace, something that in Sunnydale is hard to come by. Monsters spring out of the woodwork, with each passing day it brings a new horror that only I, the almighty Slayer can stop. I am lucky though, I have my friends at my side. Not many Slayers had that, I treasure them every day and I appreciate all they do for me but can they truly understand what's it like to wake up in the morning, knowing you are the only hope for mankind? I think the fear of failure is what scares me most, thoughts such as 'what if I don't do it?' or 'what happens if they get through me?' go through my head on most normal days.

Knowing that I have this power, and without it the world would be overrun by the creatures of the night. I know I won't be the last Slayer and that thought in someway comforts me as I know there are others out there, just waking to have their latent powers awoken. The world will never be without a Slayer and as long there is a Slayer, the creatures from hell will never triumph. Where there is evil, there is good even if it doesn't exist in the form of a Slayer, in every person lies a talent. A talent to stand against anything and come out alive, people put their necks on the line for the fight. They believe it is the best thing to be fighting for, our survival and place in this world.

Then there are others, seduced by the lure of the dark side. They commit crimes and they kill those closest to us, prime example. A guy I knew called Warren went psycho and ended up killing my best friend's girlfriend, yeah that's a long story too. Sufficed to say my best friend did not react well and being a witch, she went on a killer power trip and when I say killer, I mean it literally. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, chase my best friend as if she was one of those creatures that feed on our blood. I was ready to kill her if I had to, that's the price of being the Slayer, being able to make the biggest sacrifice for the sake of the world.

People would say that's my life, but I've already done that. It's not so bad dying you know, not as wonderful as people make it out to be but even death has some hype surrounding it. I would say the biggest sacrifice I could make for the sake of the world, would be losing the people closest to me. The people who keep me going even when I can't see beyond the shadows and uncertainties. I lost my mother to a brain tumour, I remember crying so much but then nothing. My feelings died and I knew I had to be strong for Dawn's sake, I watched as they put the one person who probably knew me better than myself into the ground and I didn't cry.

That is my curse, to be so strong but yet so weak at the same time. I may have these powers which enable me to do incredible things but under them, lies an ordinary girl with the same fears and flaws as everyone else. I can't count how many times someone or something has tried to kill me, you tend to lose count once you get through with your fingers and toes. How many girls can say they survive their high school graduation, well I am sure many can but how many can say they got their entire class ready for war and fought their mayor who just happened to turn into a monster? So much has happened to me and so much will come I know it will, evil never sleeps. It has a way of keeping one eye open as it sleeps, it is always watching and forever waiting.

I have allies in those supposed creatures of the night, there is Angel and Spike. Both vampires but both helping the good guys, Spike...that's a tricky subject. He and I have had relations of sort, as for Angel he was my first love and he's fighting the good fight in LA. Like I said there are others out there willing to fight, but they chose to fight this fight. Why do Slayers not have the right to chose? Giles says to every generation a Slayer is born, but what happens if the person who is the Slayer doesn't want to fight the good fight? Is there some kind of clause that allows them to go free or are they simply forced to fight the good fight anyways?

I was told once, I saw being the Slayer as a job and in some respects I do. I mean I get up, ready myself for whatever is coming and then deal with it as quickly and effectively as I can, it doesn't pay the rent but it feels like a chore sometimes. Sometimes I just want to go out with my friends to the movies or the Bronze without having to defend some idiot human who went with a total stranger who just happens to be a vampire, I long at times to be a normal girl. A girl who knows nothing of the dark world and of the hellmouth sitting under our very feet. It's fun sometimes, to sit back and watch people as they go about their lives. I can't help but wonder if they have any idea how many times the world has nearly ended? And if the blonde girl they pass on the street is in fact their only hope?

Not knowing is their blessing, if they did know I am sure they would run from fear and probably cause more chaos than good. Have you ever noticed that about people? On an individual base, they're okay but on mass, they're like a stampeding herd of animals? They do make me smile sometimes though, they talk about the most trivial of things but then we all do that, even me. I can have a discussion about the goodness of peanut butter with Xander for hours, I think the silly things in life are what make me smile. The stupid things we all do at times, knowing others out there share the same thoughts or behaviour makes me feel less like a Slayer and more like a person.

I am Buffy Summers, Slayer extraordinaire! But I am also a person, with my own thoughts, feelings, flaws and quirks. Being a Slayer doesn't make me more of a person than anyone else, it doesn't mean I don't hurt and I don't have feelings. I think some people judged me by my strong kick ass front but they do not know me, only the people closest to me know the real me. The girl who sheds tears over sitcoms and cowers behind a pillow at a horror movie, and for that I am grateful.

To the outside world I want to appear strong and unbreakable but to the people closest to me, I want to be who I am...I know with them I am safe, I can express whatever I want to and know I won't be judged or thought weaker for it. Yes I am a Slayer, chosen by the universe but first and foremost I am a person. One who has friends and people to care about, as long as I have them by my side. I am ready to be the Slayer.

THE END!