Inside my mind

I stare into my mind
in a vain effort to find
not many but only one
good deed that I may have done.
I look for a happy thought
that perchance fate might have brought.
There are only riddles and mysteries,
every actions forgotten histories.
I find only closed doors
and blood on the shaky floors.
The doors have been shut,
I can open them but...
who wants to confront a past
where in devil's role I was cast.
I can clean the blood
but it will bring a flood
of memories that I have buried of late
that will land me at Hell's gate.
I scan the horizon and find only darkness
for the power of light I never did harness.
So I leave my mind as it has been
a mess of red that no one has seen.