My Battles With Party Nibbles

The only thing that stood between me and the bottom of the mountain was this fuck off peanut. Not only was I allergic to the bastards, this particular peanut was dry roasted, which I really fucking hate. I decided to surprise him, I kicked him in the nuts, then nutted him. He was shell shocked but still maintained that crazy look in his eyes. 'Your nuts' I said, ‘how are you still standing after that roasting?’ He laughed like a crazy man and took a swing at me, I ducked and threw him off balance he fell and landed awkwardly. In a nutshell, he was beaten. 'Nut so tough now' I said, 'I knew I’d cashew off guard you nutty fuck'.
And with that witty retort I clambered down the mountain, crossed the bridge and found myself heading for Pretzel Canyon. Onwards again to do battle with yet another savoury snack.