Another well written poem and lovely imagery! The flow of it actually does remind me a bit of a rain pattering against a window. The way you use line breaks is very smart. I do think there are some places where you end a line with a comma which doesn't necessarily need it.
For example: "So simple is the rain,
Cascades for days and lays,
In mud to seep in Earth,
And spring life."
I don't think you need the comma after "lays" here since it's the middle of a single phrase. I think it can be a little distracting to add extra punctuation where it's not really needed, unless it's being used to add extra pause. Each line break itself already acts as a natural pause, so I like to be stingy with the punctuation at the end of lines. Although, that may just be a matter of personal preference.
In any case, I enjoyed reading this. Welcome to Writing.com! I hope you're enjoying it so far. I'm fairly new too, but feel free to reach out if you need anything.
Wow, this is really beautifully written. The imagery is very effective and gripping, and the flow is nice. I can just hear this performed as a spoken word poem. I like the repetition of the first line at the end, it's a good way to wrap things up and leave the poem feeling complete.
My favorite section is: Oh, woe, let me dissolve,
I am already in reach.
A leech, you are, suckle on,
My woe is not your plight.
I taint water with my blood,
It is emeralds, embellished,
Skin embossed by that leaf
I imagine that this was very cathartic and therapeutic to write. You have a lot of talent, keep writing!
This is quite interesting. I really like this part:
"I the Ego,
hereby puffed and cracked and
simultaneously, numb,
demand ancient answers, ever un-coming."
The repetition also works very well, considering that the main idea is writing the same poem repeatedly. It gives me a feeling of being stuck in a rut, not being able to break out or create something new. I like the ending too. Overall, a very well written piece. Keep it up!
This is really cute, especially the ending. I like the characters. I wouldn't trust Emily to not go outside either. Hector is a good friend indeed for offering to go with her instead of trying to ban her from the outdoors completely. But, man, 26 cats is a lot. I like cats, but that's too many.
The only real suggestion I have is to watch the punctuation, especially in the dialogue. For example: "Okay, but remember no going outside until I'm back okay?" I think that could use another comma or two in there to break it up a little. And maybe a little more description of the house would be nice.
I see a few places where the feelings of the narrator are stated, but not really described. For example: "Watching people march with Nazi symbols and torches was disturbing." It would probably be more impactful to describe the scene with enough detail to get the -reader- to feel disturbed without having to explicitly say it. Because I think most people would be disturbed by those images. You can also describe the feeling of the narrator with things like "The images gave me a pit in my stomach", or some other physical reaction. I've found that's an effective way to show how a character is feeling and get the reader to feel the same.
In terms of the order of things, you say: One letter, in particular, was upsetting. Suddenly, a light bulb went off in my brain, I could try to do a followup with the victim's family." before you show what's in the letter. I'd wait to explain what the narrator plans to do until AFTER you show what's in the letter. Just because that's the natural order of things, you would read the letter and then get the idea to contact them for a follow-up.
The letter has some nice detail in it and I like the description of Ruby. I think there may be a word missing here: "The organization is to protecting white women and family from militant blacks, aggressive Jews and other criminals.". I also think it could be emphasized a little more in the beginning of the letter that she wants to set the record straight because the article doesn't tell the full story of what happened. Although it's a bit sad, I think the ending is fitting and wraps things up nicely. Overall, I enjoyed this.
I really enjoyed this, and the end made me laugh. A clever twist. The detail and imagery you included really makes this scene come alive. Great use of dialogue, too, it feels very natural. I'm a fan and I'll be reading more!
I love the idea of an anorexic vampire who hates the sight and taste of blood, and this is well written! Poor impatient Reginald. There's a lesson to be learned here along with a bit of humor. Well done! I'll be reading more.
The repetition here is pretty effective, especially since it's mostly kept to the important points of the story. I.e. It works well when it comes to how brand new and perfect the car is, and each time it's referenced is with respect to another part of the car. It gives the feeling of his anger building without having to explicitly say that. But maybe we don't need both characters using the word "smart" to describe each other.
I find the main character pretty interesting. I think that Rudy's accent and phrasing may be a little on the extreme side. Not many people naturally speak in so many cliches like that. I'd leave in some character to the voice, but maybe just tone it down a little. For example, you could probably take out the "in a quick New York minute" line. But all in all, a promising start to the story!
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