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148 Public Reviews Given
181 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review by markymark
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Ok you need help.

Firstly, the fight between the two women can be played out a little, more vicious and extreme their reactions the better. (Perhaps some mud..... just kidding)

Dreams are another thing entirely.
Over the coming weeks, jot down each dream you have and study a dream oracle.

This will help you flesh out that sequence a little.

Finally and most importantly, discard the final line beginning 'Little did he know', you don't need it.

You are the writer, it is now up to you,

Regards Markymark
52
52
Review of The Happy Story  
Review by markymark
Rated: E | (4.0)
Yeah I know, it was my idea!!!!!

This is pretty good, a little too concise perhaps.

Your story would benefit greatly from detailing the stark horror of their current situation to the 'make believe' stories of yesteryear.

Just a suggestion.

Regards Markymark
53
53
Review of Secret Admirer  
Review by markymark
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is F*****G scary.

Totally unexpected.

Having been on the receiving end of less extreme behavior, this has made me c**p my pants.

This is quite well written, you get a real sense of a rather disturbed individual.

There are mistakes, we all make them but 'Your so beautiful' is a doozy, 'You're so beautiful' it should read.


Keep writing you scary woman you,

Regards Markymark
54
54
Review of Spy in the Sky  
Review by markymark
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a nice little meander down memory lane.

It's well written. I know this because it triggered so many memories of my own.

The style is somewhat formal but perhaps that is how it should be, who am I to judge.

I liked: 'verbal guards patrolling the door'

I disliked: Not much really


Keep writing

Regards Markymark
55
55
Review by markymark
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am not a fan of religious poetry, a somewhat bizarre statement if you examine my portfolio.

Having said that, I am impressed with this piece.

Well written, it gives a real sense of choirs singing in a church. This could be a very successful Hymn, perhaps something for you to consider.

Keep writing

Regards Markymark
56
56
Review of Dead Poets  
Review by markymark
Rated: E | (4.5)
I've given you a 4.5 rating not because I think it doesn't deserve more, but because I am new to the site and perhaps there are masterpieces to come.

Suffice to say, I think this is very good. I know what I am talking about, I've written four little ditties today.

Perhaps it's my turn to be judged.

As I say, so far, this is the best verse I've seen on this site, It's clever, has a nice rhythm and most importantly, it appears complete.

Well Done Keep at it

Regards Markymark
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