Great poem! I thought this poem was very well written and it flowed like water down a dam. Great job getting the words to fit just so where there was not a bobble or slip in the read. That is hard to do, so good job. I don't know about the colors but I guess it brightened up the poem a little. Welcome to the site and I hope it helps you as much as it has me. Again, good job!
Ha! What a clever way you play with words! I love the irony and the sarcasm in this little story. Even the doctor's name cracked me up. I think they need to abandon hope. (the feeling not the baby) Grammar looked good to me. I just found the one typo in the sentence below.
“Do you want to do see them?" Other than 'do' instead of go, you did a good job. I like your writing, biting style!
Good ideas in this poem, but I think that some of the second lines in the stanzas are a little too long. I noticed there are some words that can be cut and the meaning of the poem still remain the same. Just a thought and it could just be me, I don't know. I also thought that as you have it the last word in the second to the last line would need to be mended, but to keep the rhyme, you might want to change it. Maybe something like.
"The hole in my mind, I cannot mend. Again, just a thought.
You are one funny guy! Now this one flowed much better from point to point and you sarcasm absolutely cracks me up! If there is anything I love it is a good bit of derision! lol Funny, funny! Thanks for the read!
Excellent story! Sad but extremely moving. You have such talent and such a way with words. Several of the phrases you used in this reached out and grabbed me as the story progressed! My favorites are...
'to slip downstairs and shellac his liver;'
'sampled the blood from his own cannibal teeth' and..
'There was horror heaped on hemorrhage.'
There is power in your words that pulls vivid images from the brain of the reader! Again, very impressive!
Thanks for the read!
Good thoughts and lots of potential for expressing them. I was a little confused at times in this because it was a little too vague for me to pull out exactly what you were trying to say. I think I did, but maybe not. Also, there is no punctuation in the first half, but there is in parts of the second half. I think it would be better to punctuate it but if you choose not to, maybe do not do any of it. In the second half, the third line starts with 'bur' and I think you meant to put 'but'. Great ideas in here but I think you need to clarify them a little. Thanks for the read and I'll come back to you port and check it out!
Thank you for this. I think I will print it out and go by it from now on, when I make a review. I have noticed that I tend to rate high, but I did not know exactly how I should judge or what I should dock for, exactly. The whole subject is so subjective that it is hard to learn how to rate a piece correctly. Thanks again for the help on a subject that is as clear as mud to me.
Dear gussy! You scared the dickens out of me! lol Whew! That was a very gripping and scary tale. Remind me never to tick you off! ;) I liked the way you strung along the suspense with the happenings that prevented the first drink of water. Good job, I hope you win!
Deelyte
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Great job getting the words to fit just so where there was not a bobble or slip in the read. That is hard to do, so good job. I don't know about the colors but I guess it brightened up the poem a little. Welcome to the site and I hope it helps you as much as it has me. Again, good job! 
I like your writing, biting style! 