Oh how cute! Kids can come up with the neatest stuff to elaborate on - in their own child-like way. My little girl is at the fun stage right now - she is 19 months old and I get so tickled watching her. She is a little clown. What a way to preserve a memory by writing a story on your conversation with your little boy. Love it.
Oh how sweet. It reminds me of me and my daughter and our bedtime ritual. I feel like you captured the beauty of motherhood and the timeless joys it brings. It's also bitter-sweet...because there are some things that will be the last time...they grow so quickly.
Heart-tugging and I love the symbolism it brings. I did feel an inner part of that related to this story. I loved the rhyming rhythm that you brought to this poetry piece. We all have something that binds us and puts chains around us. Personally, I think it is what we do to ourselves with our own minds in how we wrap ourselves in chains of bondage. The freedom of liberalizing ourselves from...well, ourselves.
You might want to go through and check your spelling again. I think I saw one misspelled word. Outside of that, I loved it. Keep writing.
OMW...I am over here blubbering...this made me cry. Such a bitter-sweet and sorrowful story with a happy ending for both parents. The things that parents have to endure or try to get over. I have a 19 month old daughter who is my world. Even when she falls down, I am nervously checking her over to make sure she is okay. One time we had to rush her to the ER because she on the corner of my parents cement porch and hit the crook of her eye and nose. Thankfully, there was not an entrapment or bones loose...however, she was extremely bruised and swollen for weeks. Very well-written.
I love the story and reading it from a different pov. You managed to transport me back into another time and it seemed vivid to me. Even down to the way they spoke back then. I was so into it that I felt disappointed when the story ended. All good things must come to an end, I guess...like the story & the ending to Louis & Jacqui.
Yes ma'am...this is true. My dad is a Veteran and his ship brought the dead back from Vietnam. When my dad got out of the service, he had to go to college at night to gain a trade because he was an engineer while on his time in the Navy. However, what he did was not really offered as far as jobs went. A wonderful point that you have made with your poetry piece. Thank you!
This reminds me of when I'm preparing to sing a solo with the choir or with our praise team. I am like mush also and I have to talk myself down when I feel that eek y anxiety trying to cripple me and attack me. Even right before I step out to sing, I literally feel like I am about to throw up because I am so nervous.
Once I am done...I feel such tremendous relief and peace.Reaching my potential in God is so scary...and sometimes I just want to run away from it. Thank you for sharing this.
LoL...In the life of a 19 month old, I wish it would be easy to get them asleep. My little girl seems to come alive the closer we get to bedtime. And I start to wilt and droop the closer we do get and I cannot hardly keep my eyes opened. I love the phrase...a stressless pause...and I think I would love to experience that at least once. ;)
I loved the rhyming...which is something that I have not mastered very well. Good ending.
How many times that we all have gone through something like this to where we cannot move on because our heart will not let us. When I read something, I think it songs...strange I know. When I was reading this, I could hear Celion Dion singing My heart will go on. The killer sometimes is our memories are so poignant and bitter-sweet, that it makes it hard for us to move on. We can be our own worse enemy by wanting to relive it over and over again. We can grow stagnant if we stay in one place and we cannot heal adequately like we should if we do not move on.
Trapped in the reel of memories...like a silent movie playing out each episode.
I love emotional poetry and how it grabs me and makes me think like this.
I love it and it touched a soft spot in my heart because growing up, my mom and dad offered their home to foster children. When I got married, me and my husband did some fostering training and became certified. It led to us adopting a newborn and she now sleeps beside me as I review your story. My heart was heavy for little Kasey and I know without a doubt that there are children just like her suffering like this. There is such a reality to your story and the beginning did grab my attention and held it all the way to the end. I loved the ending of how it came full circle for Tricia as it brought back memories of how she climbed the stairs once more to her memories.
Healing is a powerful thing and when it happens - a person can feel free from every chain that was wrapped around them. It reminded me of a song that our choir sings..."Break every chain, to break every chain...break every chain". Whether it's from hurts of people doing us wrong, pain that our body goes through, mental healing and emotional healing.
Ecc 3:1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
I love the last two stanza's because it shows the healing taken place and new life can begin.
It reminds me of the song, "That's how God Unfolds the Rose" This poetry piece is bitter-sweet because your mother wrote it and that in itself is a heart tug. But second, to me, the rose bush is symbolic to our lives and how we seem to have layers. Our trials and tribulations of life, our families and what we struggle with and time. Layer by layer, we all start our life from birth until He calls us home. We are the bud that starts and the petals fully developed with time. Thank you for sharing your mother's poetry.
On a side note, I witnessed a rose bud opening one morning and it was one of the most awe-inspiring and breath-taken experiences of my life. How I got to see it open at the right moment is beyond me. I was drinking coffee and I happened to look over and caught its movements. I did not dare move either for I was afraid I would miss it. It was one of those 'awe' moments.
I like the rhyming of this piece. It almost felt like a sing-song melody while I was reading it.
My favorite line...Forget illusions of control...
Control is something that I would love to give up for a while to feel some freedom.
Honestly, I'm not sure about this piece. It left me with a weird, incomplete feeling. Maybe its the way you intended...if that is the case...you did a good job. The money threw me off in the envelope. I did re-read it several times to see if I could gain something different from it. How did you do on the contest with this story?
To be completely honest, this was extremely helpful to me. I have taking creative writing classes and many Literature classes to further my writing along. I even had an entire semester in college on poetry writing. I'm still not all that great at it! The one thing that I could not master in college was poetry rhyming...I hated it. I mainly write from emotion or how I'm feeling at the moment and just let it rip. :/
I already read my stuff out loud after I write them to see if it flows smoothly and make sense...and of course punctuation. I never considered reading it in a "poet's voice."
Oh...I pronounce it as new OR lenz. Most of us East Texans do. LoL.
This was very helpful and made sense and it's a good help tool to writing poetry.
Whenever you get time, please review some of my pieces. There is really not a set pattern to mine...but any helpful suggestions that you can lend to make the pieces better - please feel free to do so.
Your beginning intro actually grabbed me into your story and pulled me into it. I love drama and I love when it starts out dramatic and already into the thick of it. The story reminds me of a movie or even real life...two young adults trying to figure out where to start in life and it actually matches dating to a tee. It rings with reality of two people making up their minds to commit to something and one is ready and one is not.
The way it starts out reminds me of something in my past with someone that I learned later was not right for me and my life.I did feel love for this someone, but I could not commit like he wanted me to because it was at the wrong time in my life for a relationship with him. It brought a bitter-sweet feeling to my soul as I read it.
I was disappointed that the story started quickly and ended just as quickly. I wished you had kept going and turned it into a full dramatic story so that I could get that complete feeling, enjoyment and satisfaction of reading something worth-while. I hope you do consider adding on and if you do, please shoot me an e-mail to allow me as a reader, to come back and read the rest.
I liked how you wrote this. It reminding me of different books I had read and each of your stanza's seem to jump on a plot and then end it just as quickly. I did have to reread it again to make sure I was following your gist of the poem. LoL. Don't worry...I did get it though. ;)
I like the last stanza. At least they have an agent looking after them...or an archenemy instead. It could be a flip coin in deciding.
Good read.
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