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95 Public Reviews Given
104 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review by Lord Dragon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Sam,

Great story, I will probably have most of my questions answered if I read Parts 1 & 2. But You had enough information in this part to understand what probably happened before it.

I only found one grammatical error: "I feel like this garden. Dieing a bit every day, and no one trying stop it!"
You forgot "to" between "trying" and "stop"

Otherwise it's very well written. I will be reading the rest as I can and will of course give you feed back on all of it.

Good job.
Keep writing.

Dragon
27
27
Review of Exiled  
Review by Lord Dragon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Where to start?

How about...let me wipe the tears from my eyes so I can see what I'm typing.

Seriously, I got goose bumps reading this. I could feel my heart sink and the sadness overcome me as I continued.

On the Plug Page you asked for help with the title and where to take the story next.

How about this:

"Second Chances"

The lid of the box is opened again, the woman takes the ring from the box and remembers the joy she used to feel when she was young and first got it. Then she gives it to her grand-daughter (from her second marriage, which did work) and says she hopes it brings more luck in love to the grand-daughter than it did to her.
28
28
Review of Burning Winter  
Review by Lord Dragon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This sounds like a Hallmark Card.

It's very sweet and touching, but has that essence of loss about it. Over all I think it's well done.

Later,
Dragon
29
29
Review by Lord Dragon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a great story. The twists are subtle, but definite. I could see this in my head while I read, that always makes for a good story.

I did notice some typographical errors though. Such as:
"we both move beyond rational though" - You forgot the "T" on thought.
"he acts like a animal" - That should be "an" animal.

Other than the minor typo's, I really like this.

Later,
Dragon
30
30
Review by Lord Dragon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Very emotional. The feeling protrayed is obviously one of confusion. It's the heart felt desire of a young girl wanting her man to love her back. At the same time it's the fearful knowledge that he not only doesn't, but won't, even though he knows how much it tears at you and hurts you to not have him. As far as the poem itself I see nothing wrong with it.

About the content of the poem.
Unfortuneately I've seen this exact type of relationship several times. Most of the time it's because the man wasn't taught not to play with people's emotions. He's a egotystical biggot that gets off on knowing that no matter what he does that woman will always want him. Those men use women for thier own pleasures and never care for the woman's feelings.

I'll start ranting if I don't close this now.

Great Job.

Dragon
31
31
Review of A Writers Poem  
Review by Lord Dragon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nicely done. It's very much the way a writer sees thier paper (or at least I do) before actually writing anything. Which unfortunately is also my (other too I'm guessing) biggest block, how to start and which story to write.

Good job with the rhyming and flow, somethimes it's hard to get that flow going in a poem, but this one flows really well.

Later,
Dragon
32
32
Review of When?  
Review by Lord Dragon
Rated: E | (4.5)
That's surreal. Nicely written, I like the tone you set right off the bat stays throughout the story. It keeps the reading intense. Unfortunately it's too true for too many couples.

I really like it though. Very dark yet a light read too.

Later,
Dragon
33
33
Review of Last Day-Day 1  
Review by Lord Dragon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is really good. There were a few minor gramatical errors, mainly just missing words here and there (i.e. "Lanie and Brittany are one of the other two corners" you forgot the word "in" between are and one.)

Other than the missing words it's a wonderful read, it gets you thinking what would you do, what would you contribute to the new world.

Very mind numbing while at the same time, stimulating.

Later,
Dragon
34
34
Review by Lord Dragon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Writerguy13,

Very well said. I do agree with a lot of this and see your point on most of it, but I have to take this opportunity to add my 2.5 cents.

First lets cover the basics of writing. You have a few misspellings but that tends to happen when you write from the heart and don't re-read your own work. In fact, I'll probably have a few in my comments before I'm done. You also have a few places where you used the wrong spelling of the word, (i.e. "What do the athletes do with there money you ask?") it should be "their" not "there".

Now before I get started with my rant about your rant let me explain something. I tend to write these by simply putting out what pops into my head, I'm not taking sides, just telling you how I see it.

You started off talking about racism. That's a very dangerous topic. As most people that have talked to me here and read my work know, I'm in the Navy. My Ship's crew is only 265 people, while we do have our problems with it, when it comes down to the wire and your life, or someone elses life is on the line, any Racism issues go out the window and aren't a factor. I believe this will hold true no matter where you go, and it's not the lack of wanting to help that prevents people from helping, it's the lack of knowledge about WHAT to do. Too many people are afraid that if they try to help and accidentally make it worse they'll be sued.

Now, about people letting things fester inside them. EVERYONE does this, even Dr. Phil and Oprah have things that bother or worry them that they don't share with anyone. The difference is they have a release without necesarily telling anyone what's wrong. I know me personally, I don't tell anyone about most of the things that bother me. Because I know that while I'll stand there and listen to you intently when you're telling me something, and I do listen to what your saying, if it's something I could do without knowing about, I'll push it from my mind immediately after our conversation is over. I won't forget it, but I won't let it bother me either. It's a trick that's taken me over 30 years to learn, but it works. But you don't need to "forcing themselves to be heard", you just need to know how to release your stress without resorting to violence.

I can't really say much about TV, I don't watch it. (Tangent time) Which is why I found it funny, I came home from a small outting at sea a couple months ago and there's a brand new 45" TV in my living room. As soon as I saw it I asked my wife why it was there. She said it was my Birthday present. Now, most men would be extatic about it, but like I said, I don't watch TV, so now I have a 45" eyesore in my living room.
Now let's tie that into what you're talking about. Books vs. TV. My wife watches TV all the time, if she's in the room, it has to be on. I, don't. My kids on the other hand, have certain shows they're allowed to watch, and certain shows they're not allowed to watch. They must read everyday and they must play outside (weather permitting) everyday, if they can't play outside, they play inside, but they play.

Now to close this. America, as a society in whole are a bunch of passionate people. THAT is why we have problems like Racism and Discrimination. I have been to over 30 countries around this world and I can say from experience that this is the greatest country on Earth and it is this same passion that gives us the racism and discrimination that makes it that way.

I'm done for now.

35
35
Review by Lord Dragon
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Like that's just totally.

I remember them too. The Parachute Pants. The Head Bands. The colars up on your jacket and the sleeves pushed up past your elbows.

Yup, it's all coming back to me. and of course, it wouldn't be the Eighties wihtout the all time Eighties movie. "The Breakfast Club."

Thanks for the memories.

Keep Writing.

Later,
Dragon
36
36
Review of Witch Trials  
Review by Lord Dragon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is good. I like the way you chose one of those accused and wrote from her point of view. It really brings into the light how stupid the whole "Witch Trial" thing was. I also like how accurate your information is. If you'd like some more info for your article, the History Channel has a section about it from when they did a show about it.

Keep Writing.
Later,
Dragon
37
37
Review by Lord Dragon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is good. I'm a little thrown by the number of lines. I understand it's a poem, but I personally feel that poetry doesn't have to be one line blurbs all in a row, it can be written like a story too.

"The Devine Comedy" by Danté comes to mind.

Keep Writing.
Later,
Dragon
38
38
Review of Silence of I Do  
Review by Lord Dragon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This one was intense. It almost brought me to tears as I see this is where my life is headed. My wife and I hardly talk anymore. She watches TV and I do whatever. Sometimes I write, sometimes I play games, sometimes I draw. But sometimes...she falls asleep and I sit there and watch her dream. I wonder how I was so blessed to have a woman as wonderful as she is and yet, I don't know her anymore. She has feelings and desires that I can't comprehend and she won't tell me about them. I know she watches me too, I've felt her eyes on me while I write my stories, I know she wants to talk to me sometimes too, but she doesn't want to break my concentration.

Sorry, off on a tinge.

Your story is wonderful, it really catches the essense of modern day married life. It explains what so many go through, but like the woman in your story, they can't find the words.

Later,
Dragon
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